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Original poster

Saving money for a Niece I have only met once

58 replies

mexicangarden · 06/08/2019 14:59

I have name changed for this because it is outing and also because I am sure I will be slaughtered. My brother died without really having contacted with his daughter. I got his computer and tracked her mother down through Facebook (had looked many times without success). I have messaged a few times to say I am happy to be in my Niece's life if she ever wants to get in contact but have been told she knows nothing about me. Any mention of
presents for Christmas or Birthday have been rejected. I have started a savings account for my Niece but am I being foolish when my own children could benefit from the money. There is only a couple of hundred in the account so far. Thoughts please.

OP posts:
AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 06/08/2019 15:01

I think it's a lovely thing to do and very kind. You can save, if she never gets in touch or rejects you, you can still use the money for your own children.

ZazieTheCat · 06/08/2019 15:03

I’m in a similar position to your niece (but grown up). I would love if it if any of his family ever got in touch with me, it hurts a lot that they never did.

M0RVEN · 06/08/2019 15:04

How did you open a savings account for your niece if you don’t have her birth certificate ?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 06/08/2019 15:05

I think it's a very kind thing to do, and if you can afford it, I would continue to do so.

I'm sorry about your brother. You don't mentioned how old his DD is, but she may come and seek you out once day, when she's older and in search of her Dad's family.

And if she never does, you can give it to your own children.

I wouldn't bother letting her Mum know though.

ittakes2 · 06/08/2019 15:05

I think you should continue and when the niece is 18 contact her. She can then decide for herself if she wants contact and go from there. Sorry about your brother.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 06/08/2019 15:06

How did you open a savings account for your niece if you don’t have her birth certificate ?

Birth certificates can be ordered on line - they are public documents - I could order yours

ConfCall · 06/08/2019 15:06

You sound lovely. Keep the account, add to it when you can/want. She may get in touch of her own volition when she’s in her late teens/early 20s and it would please her to know that you’ve had her in your thoughts.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 06/08/2019 15:09

I have started a savings account for my Niece but am I being foolish when my own children could benefit from the money. There is only a couple of hundred in the account so far. Thoughts please.

I'm probably the one who will be somewhat brutal. I think you are over stepping boundaries, and you are trying to parent where your brother failed. This child is his/was his responsibility to provide for. I have no idea if your parents are likely to leave an inheritance, but the right and proper thing is that this child gets the %-age that would have gone to your brother. Your respobsibility is to your children - this child has a mother who makes decisions for her.

Jins · 06/08/2019 15:11

I think this is probably a way to help you deal with the loss of your brother and consequent loss of your niece and if it helps you then do it.

I can’t see it being something I’d do but I’d always have a big welcome ready if my niece turned up in the future.

I’d leave the savings where they are and let them grow in case contact is made when she’s older. Save for your own children

M0RVEN · 06/08/2019 15:15

Birth certificates can be ordered on line - they are public documents - I could order yours

Yes but it would be unlikely to show that you were my parent or grandparent. You can’t just open a savings account for a random child. Otherwise people would do it for money laundering and tax evasion.

Jins · 06/08/2019 15:17

The savings account doesn’t have to be in the child’s name. I’ve got a general savings account, one for holidays and one for the children. They are all in my name and only I know what they are assigned to

AllFourOfThem · 06/08/2019 15:18

I assume the savings account is in the OP’s name but the funds are intended for her niece.

OP, I think it’s a lovely idea and hopefully once she is older she will make contact and you can have a relationship with her.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 06/08/2019 15:20

You can’t just open a savings account for a random child.

That wasnt your question - I illustrated how a birth certificate could be obtained.

O/T there was a case a while back where people were ordering birth certificates and assuming the identities of infant mortalities, claiming their NI numbers and creating fake identies. And the police were doing it too, to infiltrate crime rings.

Original poster
mexicangarden · 06/08/2019 15:21

IAskTooManyQuestion she did receive a small inheritance from my brother's pension - I don't know if she knows about this - she is mid teens. And for people asking the account is in my name not hers.

OP posts:
Shittiestdayinalongtime · 06/08/2019 15:21

I think it's a lovely idea. My dad was never in my life and even though people knew of me, his family have never tried to make contact or get to know me. He also died when I was young.

Original poster
mexicangarden · 06/08/2019 15:23

The only inheritance myself and my brother would ever have received is from the sale of my mum's house - the other half is now being left to my children (my mum's decision totally).

OP posts:
AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 06/08/2019 15:23

I also assume the savings account is in the op's name but with money in for the niece. I do the same for my children as precaution really in case of an emergency where we need to use the money.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 06/08/2019 15:25

the other half is now being left to my children (my mum's decision totally).

Shame shes cutting out your DBs child - but of course, that is her decision.

Original poster
mexicangarden · 06/08/2019 15:25

The last time I got pelters for drying to replace what people saw as a deadbeat father's sister trying to take over - totally not true but I'm always here if she wants to find me. I am actually facebook friends with her (no idea how that happened as I didn't send her a message) and I contacted her mum to let her know - that was when she told me that the girl knew nothing about me.

OP posts:
Original poster
mexicangarden · 06/08/2019 15:28

IAskTooManyQuestions I hardly think it's shameless - she has known my children all her life, she has never met her Granddaugher and is devestated by my brother's death. Even my late step father wanted the house to go to my children even though he had children and grandchildren of his own.

OP posts:
Original poster
mexicangarden · 06/08/2019 15:30

IAskTooManyQuestions sorry read that as shame, not shameless.

OP posts:
TinklyLittleLaugh · 06/08/2019 15:30

OP, you need to bear in mind that if she reaches 18 and comes fully into your life, then your mum might decide to split the grandchildren's inheritance with her.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 06/08/2019 15:34

I don't think I would put a niece I have never met before my own children in any way. If your children are missing out financially or being disadvantaged because you are saving for the niece, I personally would put my own children's needs first. You can still leave the door open in case your niece wants to contact you in the future.

S1naidSucks · 06/08/2019 15:36

I wouldn’t tell anyone that you’re saving for your niece, because you’ve already said that you could do with it for your own children. What if your children decide to go into further education? Do you have the funds to help them? How do you think they would feel, if they struggle financially and you’ve handed over a lump sum to your niece? You have to put your own children first.

Why not put together an album, with photos and stories of your brother and his family history. You could even include birth certificates, in order for your niece to know her family connections. That will mean a lot more than any money, to her.

Bookworm4 · 06/08/2019 15:38

Have you tried writing a letter to the girl? She’s old enough to choose if she wants a relationship with you. I think a savings account is a bit odd for a child you’ve never met.

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