... to feel like I just can't cope, yet can't open up to DH / friends?

[bellainthemiddle]

I'm feeling totally overwhelmed and tearful and panicky and I just don't know how to get over this. I feel like I should be able to pull myself together, but I just can't do it.

The stupidest thing is that I just can't bring myself to open up to DH or my friends... I just want to pretend that everything is fine because I'm worried about worrying people.

I think I just need somebody to tell me to stop being an idiot. Any takers?!

You're not being an idiot - totally normal to feel like this sometimes! Is there anything particular on your mind?

I just feel overwhelmed by everything... new mum, worried about not doing well enough, DH is away for work quite a bit (even though he's home more than usual at the moment), anxious about going back to work (DExU), anxious about Brexit (I know too much about it!), worried about not feeling well (I was diagnosed with lupus and kidney involvement soon after the birth of DD). Anything and everything really, but I feel like no matter what I'd find something to feel anxious about at the moment! It's all stuff I should be able to cope with, but I can't :S

Why do you feel like you can't open up to your DP or friends OP? Are you worried that they'll judge you? I'd feel awful if any of my friends were feeling like this and didn't feel like they could open up to me.

I think you need to remember that you're going to be all over the place full stop when you're a new mum. Try to focus on the here and now, and the things you can do something about rather than pile other things on top of yourself that realistically you can't do anything about.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this.

I was the same as you. Didn't want anyone to think I was weak. Found it much easier to open up to a stranger. And I did. To my GP. After that I could tell people and with the help on some cbt and anxiety medication things got lots better.

Everything you've described sounds like how I felt as a new mum. It is much harder to cope when you're trying to put a good face forward.

Screw up your courage and tell somebody. It will lighten your load. You will come through this, but it's just easier if you aren't hiding everything.🌸

It sounds like you need to see your GP, you could be suffering from PND.

You also should tell your husband how you're feeling, even if you don't tell your friends.

You can get through this, but not on your own, you need help, so go and get it.

Thank you so much for replying. I feel so pathetic to be making such a stupid fuss about nothing!

I will open up to a few of my close friends about this, but all 3 of them are on summer hols at the moment. I don't know why I've got so stressy about telling DP how I feel, but he works away a lot (usually 5 nights away, 2 at home, but he's doing 4 and 3 at the moment) and I would feel so bad to worry him. The idea of people feeling worried about me and maybe getting stressed about whether or not I'm coping makes me feel awful.

I called up the GP surgery today...and the receptionist said I could get a telephone appointment in 3 weeks and I said (probably melodramatically) that I didn't feel I was coping very well, and she said I could take myself to A & E and ask to be sectioned then! Usually I'd just find that silly and laugh it off, but after the call I got in a stupid state and cried for hours. Which is not like me, so... I don't feel right, but also don't really know what to do!

Well that receptionist could have been a little kinder in her delivery at least. Did you accept the telephone appt?

I did, yes!

A 3 week wait is dreadful!

You sound anxious OP (if that's not obvious). Talking about it to anyone will really really help, I've been there.

Talking to my DH reduced my anxiety levels at least 80%. I needed to take time off to recover fully which may be hard for you with a baby!

Check whether you can self refer for MH support in your area. I could in mine without needing to see a GP.

I'm not sure about self-referral - my GP surgery is actually in a different borough to the one I live in and the services for that borough are self-referral, but in my borough you need a referral. And I'm not sure which I'm eligible for! But I guess I could ring up and ask?

Can you contact your health visitor? The receptionist was incredibly unsympathetic, I would have been very upset by that response.

That receptionist is an idiot. Unreal. My work offers phone counselling 24/7 and so does my union membership. I’ve taken my work up on it before and it really helped and they don’t tell my work anything! Perhaps you have those options too, even though you’re on mat leave. Talking to a stranger really helped me.

Yeah, we do have that option at work, actually - so I might consider that! I'm just sooo bad on the phone with this kind of thing... I will need to write down what I'm going to say!

I felt like the receptionist was a bit harsh, but I was probably tearful and annoying and maybe she had a bad day. I just know how irritating I must be to everyone around me right now!

Contact your health visitor, she'll know what to do.

Please don't worry about others worrying about you. They're all grown-ups and can manage their worries themselves. You just need to concentrate on getting you well. Your partner will already be worrying about you, he must have seen the change in you, so keep him in the loop. It's far more worrying when you know someone's unwell, but they won't tell you anything, because then you start worrying even more, thinking up worse case scenarios.

You'll get through this.

Although this feels all so horrible and overwhelming, you're not alone and so many people have been where you are right now, myself included.

Contact your health visitor , this is exactly the type of thing they are there for. That receptionist handled the situation horrifically but please don't let that make you think you're being melodramatic. In the least patronising way possible - well done for reaching out , it's not easy.

Phone your health visitor tomorrow , let them know exactly what's going on , there is help out there and if you can , please tell DH. You shouldn't have to carry this alone , support at this time is crucial.

If there's anything you want to get off your chest just let us know

Thank you for the responses and all the advice - I really appreciate it! I spoke to the HV on the phone today and she is going to ask the GP to make an urgent appointment so that they can assess what sort of support I might need.

I will also try to pluck up the nerve to speak to my DP about this, but I don't want to do it while he's away in case it totally panics him.

I just keep imagining these awful worst-case scenarios. The number one being that I go to the GP and get sectioned and DD will be taken away. I know that I'm being a bit irrational and over dramatic, but I just keep having stupid thoughts! (Realistically, DD has a wonderful dad and doting grandparents- my PIL - who also live in London, so it's unlikely!)

www.nhs.uk/service-search/Psychological-therapies-(IAPT)/LocationSearch/10008

You will skip the waiting list because you;re post natal. Free NHS mental health support could be super useful for you.

I'm glad to hear you've got the ball rolling. Our minds can be strange things, and can really make you doubt yourself, but you'll be getting support, and you'll get through this.

Tell your partner when he gets home. When will that be?

Thank you so much for the link, @AliceAbsolum - that's super useful. The service in my borough looks great and I'm really up for giving it a go. Unfortunately it is not self-referral - but I'll maybe ask the GP about referring?

@Motoko, my partner is home tomorrow evening and I'm planning to tell him then...or on Saturday morning, depending how knackered he is when he gets back! I have now got a tel appt with the GP tomorrow (thanks to my wonderful health visitor) so I hope I will actually have some kind of positive plan to report, rather than just "I feel rubbish".

I feel like I'm going a bit mad... today I literally kept forgetting English words for things and having to "translate" in my head to get them back. We moved here from Italy when I was EIGHT.

Yes absolutely ask for a referral! Good luck.

OP. Many of us have felt like you feel now. Being a new Mum, juggling, thinking about going back to work (and how you will manage it all)... all those things are things many of us have encountered. I have a fairly senior role in a big four so, I really didn't think I would feel this way, it was a big shock to me.
I was lucky to be able to use some free counselling sessions with my firm. Best advice I got was break your day into manageable chunks, then it seems a little easier. This for me was a series of tiny triumphs.
You are not alone OP and the HV should sort out an appt with the GP or such. Come back here if you feel low or in need again.

If you feel really low call the Samaritans. I think it may be possible to email if you don't like the phone. I had some counselling once when I felt similar and it was a huge relief to talk to a stranger!

Isn't that weird, that you've been having trouble remembering English words, after all these years! Like I said, our minds do strange things at times!

Glad to hear you've got a phone appt with your GP tomorrow, do ask for a referral.

My speech was impacted massively after a traumatic birth , there's so many times I write comments / posts / texts / emails and don't bother because I'm embarrassed at the grammar or how I've worded it , it's like my brain stopped working the way it used too. CBT / doctor said this is commonly caused by trauma.

So I wouldn't be too concerned about your speech. Plus "baby brain" is real.

Really glad you've reached out for support