I think my dd is transgender

[Spooksandchocolatecake]

I know this isn't aibu but I didn't know where to put this.

My dd is 15 in November and to put it bluntly has a lot of issues (ASD,Anorexia,Anxiety etc to name the most prominent and isn't in school currently).She has always been a tomboy to the extreme,doesn't own anything remotely girly ,has always found boys easier to communicate with than girls,and used to say she was a boy and asked when we'd take her back to the hospital to change her name.

She's just cut all her hair off and 2 years ago brought a binder because she 'hated herself but wouldn't go into anymore detail.I checked her phone (which she doesn't know about) and she'd written in notes I need to tell them before it's to late...

What should I do?

In the past I've asked up front and she just clamped up.

Its disappointing that pp are quite happy to vocally rubbish this board in its entirety as "the worst thing you can do", and then go onto recommend an extremely dubious organisation they haven't even bothered to check out themselves.

By dubious I mean examples like the data breach, and the numerous reports of encouraging and pushing children towards transition, the very unusual (mildly) way they run their message boards and the actions of the founder herself.

The legitimacy of Mermaids and Stonewall on this subject have been questioned by many professionals, e.g. former GODS clinician Kirsty Entwistle's letter to the head of GIDS:

Mermaids

I am also concerned to see that Mermaids continues to receive financial support and endorsements from high profile people whilst not being subjected to any proper scrutiny of its practice. I believe that it is the duty of GIDS to disclose their concerns about Mermaids as GIDS is one, if not the only place, where information about what goes on at Mermaids is known via parent reports. I also think that it is unethical that GIDS associates with Mermaids when they have associated with the Webberleys (from their website it looks as though they no longer do so).

medium.com/@kirstyentwistle/an-open-letter-to-dr-polly-carmichael-from-a-former-gids-clinician-53c541276b8d

Mermaids and Stonewall are not experts, I don't know why they're given so much credence.

Stonewall is a political lobbying organisation. They are not child development experts, nor child psychologists or paediatricians. They are a lobby group more used to representing the political position of adults.

Mermaids was a group of parents of trans kids, which has become a charity and a lobbying group under Susie Green (CEO). Susie neither has, nor employes AFAIK, anyone with any experience in child development, psychology or health.

Both organisations make significant income from providing training, however, so they're not going to admit they're not experts any time soon.

If you send your gender non conforming child to an organisation such as Mermaids or Stonewall, you're making it massively more likely that your child will ID as trans and later come to regret it.

They are experts in affirming children as trans, or putting them in touch with people who will, not in giving children the best support and the help they actually need.

What does Stonewall or Mermaids know about autism, for example?

If you talk to them about autism, you're likely to get an answer along the lines of, "autistic children deserve to have their feelings about their gender recognised too". But this is based on political belief, not evidence or ANY understanding of autism.

Be careful where you seek support. I was talking to someone recently whose daughter, a trainee psychiatrist, had been very troubled by the ethos at CAHMS. Apparently the policy was that any patient who expressed discomfort with their body (very common among girls with ASD) must be treated as transgender and referred for treatment. The fact that all these girls had a range of other, often more pressing issues (ASD, abuse, eating disorders, internalised homophobia, homophobic parents, other family issues) was irrelevant.

Apparently this young doctor was heartily relieved to move on to treating adults. She felt the CAMHS policy was unethical, though she was in no position to challenge it

You know your local CAMHS and whether you trust them. The units vary a lot round the country. If you don't trust them perhaps try to find a feminist therapist.

There are a lot of good resources online. Here are two of the biggest sites:

Transgender Trend is a site with loads of referenced articles and resources.

4th Wave Now which describes itself as community of parents & others concerned about the medicalization of gender-atypical youth and rapid-onset gender dysphoria (ROGD).

And steer well clear of Mermaids, which presses for more and earlier medication for children. It's become increasingly controversial and scandal driven recently.

You may also find the MN Feminism Chat board a help. The mothers of other girls affected by these issues have found it useful. Regulars there will be able to direct you to further resources. I have ASD and found puberty very distressing,

OP I have ASD (Aspergers) and when I was going through puberty I refuses to wear a bra, I hated boobs, I hated the changes happenening in my body. I was also a tomboy.
I am so glad I grew up in a time before all this trans lark because I am sure with how impulsive I was, I'd make a decision I'd live to regret but also quite sad that my ASD went undiagnosed for so long that I had little to no support with my MH.

Your DD is lucky to have the advantage of MH awareness these days but very much in a precarious situation with the "trans-activism" being force fed down childrens throats. Make the right decision OP and focus on her MH not on the thinking she's trans, which I highly doubt she is.

Sorry for the typos!!

Let her decide what she feels she is, in an environment that is supportive and loving and open to listen.
Take all advice with a pinch of salt, especially on here where there are quite clear lines drawn in the sand how people feel around trans.

Other people will have advice based on experience which I don't but please, please, please read up on the dangers of binding from a non biased source - and then do so with DD if you want to after reading up yourself. Binding is so harmful physically.

If anyone has a link to a suitably biased article on the dangers of binding please share with OP - if it's alarmist or transphobic then DD won't take it on board.

Ooh sorry didn't have time to read the full thread and think you might have already had some links shared