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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling awful and annoyed

72 replies

PorcupinesAndPineTrees · 05/08/2019 17:12

DH has recently gotten a new job and someone I used to go to school with works there. He proceeded to tell DH about how I used to go to parties all the time (on the weekends) and that I was a bit of a wild one. (Due to my undiagnosed chronic depression, I acted out a little bit so I could feel something)

Anyway, DH is annoyed with me for perhaps not being the greatest teenager in the world (I'm 26 now and have a good job. Happily married) is he being a twat? Surely we aren't only judged by our teenage years?

When I say acted out, I skipped class a bit and probably hung around with not the greatest crowd. Didn't do anything illegal though

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 05/08/2019 17:17

He's being a twat, and it's fuck all to do with him. You should be the one annoyed. At him.

Oldraver · 05/08/2019 17:20

Twat. Him not you

Original poster
PorcupinesAndPineTrees · 05/08/2019 17:20

That's what I thought. He's claiming that I used to be a delinquent (ffs in high school?!) And that he wondered why I didn't share my past with him. I had a very troubling upbringing and simply wanted to leave it behind. That's okay isn't it? We don't have to share every unpleasant detail?

OP posts:
Whosorrynow · 05/08/2019 17:21

your DH sounds a bit dim to me, is he religious?

WindsorDuchess · 05/08/2019 17:22

Yes he is being a twat, everyone has a past it does not “define” us. Our past helps shape us, and make us the people we are.

Sparklesocks · 05/08/2019 17:22

It’s ridiculous to get annoyed at you for something so small, is he always like this?

CalmdownJanet · 05/08/2019 17:23

Total twat, tell him your past is none of his business and the fact he has shown himself to be a judgey twat just reinforces why you didn't tell him

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 05/08/2019 17:24

He sounds very judgemental and controlling. And yes, a twat.

Original poster
PorcupinesAndPineTrees · 05/08/2019 17:25

No he's usually lovely. Which is why I'm confused. He's definitely not religious either. We've been married 3 years now, never had a serious fight. Saving up for a new house

I just found out the person who told DH these details is someone I slept with years ago. This person dated my sister last year. DH thinks I should have told him about this man Hmm

OP posts:
MissMogwai · 05/08/2019 17:28

I'd be really disappointed with my DP if he acted like yours has. He sounds like a judgmental dickhead to be honest.

Most of us act like idiots in some way or another in our teens. I know I did. It doesn't matter now does it!

He sounds like a bloody pompous bore.

Original poster
PorcupinesAndPineTrees · 05/08/2019 17:29

Now he's calling me dumb because I didn't complete high school. Honestly I earn 80k a year, does it really matter?!

OP posts:
msmith501 · 05/08/2019 17:29

I think the person who told DH these things is actually stirring trouble. Sadly DH (Dim Husband) is not thinking outside of the box and is taking things verbatim. He needs to be less naive.

Original poster
PorcupinesAndPineTrees · 05/08/2019 17:31

Unfortunately I know how this person operates and he would have said "Oh I slept with your wife years ago" or something along those lines Hmm

OP posts:
Namechangeforthiscancershit · 05/08/2019 17:32

You're 26, earn 80k a year and have no qualifications? You've done really well! Who cares if you misbehaved as a teenager!

Your DH is a twat.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 05/08/2019 17:34

I’d be v angry with judgemental and unpleasant husband trying to throw teenage years in your face. No need to tell any partner the names of people you’ve slept with, serious partners yes but god no to teenage relationships!

Whosorrynow · 05/08/2019 17:35

the person has said something humiliating to your husband (ie Oh I slept with your wife years ago) and your husband is angry that another man has belittled him so he's taking it out on you

Original poster
PorcupinesAndPineTrees · 05/08/2019 17:35

@NameChange thank you so much for that. I know I'm not as academically achieved as others but I worked hard to earn the position I am and to get to a state where my MH doesn't effect my how it used to.

Sorry about the cancer (read the rest of your username), I really wish you the best

OP posts:
Hidingtonothing · 05/08/2019 17:36

Do/would you judge him for his past OP? No, thought not. He is absolutely being a twat and I would be stamping on it, hard. He does realise that everything you've experienced in your life has contributed to the person you are now, the person he presumably loves? And yes, it's totally fine to want to leave your upbringing behind you, if anything he should admire you for being strong enough not to let that shit define you.

Please don't put up with him berating you for stuff that's years in the past and you can't change anyway, he either accepts it or he doesn't but he doesn't get to beat you over the head with it.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 05/08/2019 17:36

And that he wondered why I didn't share my past with him.

He doesn’t have rights to know everything about you. Marrying you doesn’t mean he owns all the information there is about you. You are not his property, you are an individual, independent of your husband. You are entitled to a private life and that includes your past life. You don’t owe him any explanations or apologies.

How dare he make you feel like shit for silly teenage behaviour. He’s not a pleasant person OP.

Whosorrynow · 05/08/2019 17:37

..because it's much easier to put you down than stand up to and deal with the actual person at fault (the tittle tattler)

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 05/08/2019 17:37

You should be really proud! No one can make you feel otherwise. Especially not twatty DH and his new colleague!

Lots of cancer around unfortunately! I'm really well looked after, but thank you.

Original poster
PorcupinesAndPineTrees · 05/08/2019 17:38

Thankyou so much. I've read on other forums that your OH should know absolutely everything about you before you get married, so I've always carried some guilt for not sharing everything.

OP posts:
JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 05/08/2019 17:39

So you’re “dumb” and a “delinquent”. Sounds like your husband is building up some ammo to throw in future arguments.

Again, your husband is not a pleasant person.

Original poster
PorcupinesAndPineTrees · 05/08/2019 17:42

So DH just sent me a text, outlining his issue. He stormed out after he called me dumb Hmm

He said: I should have told him that I didn't complete school, I should have told him I was a bit of a "dropkick" and his biggest gripe, I should have told him when my sister started dating Tattletale, that I slept with him years ago. He said he deserved the right to know about TT.... I told him me sleeping with TT was a silly teenage thing, he didn't need to know

OP posts:
CatInADoghouse · 05/08/2019 17:44

Your DH needs to get over this. You've done nothing wrong. We have all got a past and there's no need to share every single detail with your partner. Most people are very different as adults than they were as teenagers (obviously with exceptions; the knob your DH works with proves some people don't grow up!)
Well done you for your success! I hope it continues!