Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Feeling awful and annoyed

72 replies

PorcupinesAndPineTrees · 05/08/2019 17:12

DH has recently gotten a new job and someone I used to go to school with works there. He proceeded to tell DH about how I used to go to parties all the time (on the weekends) and that I was a bit of a wild one. (Due to my undiagnosed chronic depression, I acted out a little bit so I could feel something)

Anyway, DH is annoyed with me for perhaps not being the greatest teenager in the world (I'm 26 now and have a good job. Happily married) is he being a twat? Surely we aren't only judged by our teenage years?

When I say acted out, I skipped class a bit and probably hung around with not the greatest crowd. Didn't do anything illegal though

OP posts:

Original poster

PorcupinesAndPineTrees · 05/08/2019 18:03

@Crunched that makes sense. I can understand that. I suppose my initial reaction had it been the other way round I'd be a little upset. No one likes to picture someone sleeping with their OH

OP posts:

Sparklfairy · 05/08/2019 18:05

graphista I think you've made your point now

Original poster

PorcupinesAndPineTrees · 05/08/2019 18:06

@Graphista not a problem! I've seen it quote a lot today!

I wish I could just shake this guilty feeling

OP posts:

TheWernethWife · 05/08/2019 18:15

All people come with baggage, some have an overnight bag, some have enough stuff that it may need Pickfords. Your DH is being very naïve - does he think you probably came out of a convent pure as driven snow.

Tell him to fuck off.

CaptainJaneway62 · 05/08/2019 18:21

The last thing people want to do when they are in their 20s is share stuff about the troubled upbringing or past as they want to get as far away from it as possible...well that was my experience anyway!
I never told anyone about my abusive childhood until I was in my late 50s and as it turned out, it wasn't such a good idea to open up about it then either.
Your DH is being a twat because the other twat has made him feel like a stupid twat having to listen to telltale twat talking about you in a derogatory manner. He probably wanted to deck him really!

Original poster

PorcupinesAndPineTrees · 05/08/2019 18:22

@Captain sorry you had a shitty upbringing too :( it's strange, I've managed to tell my friends online, however can't quite bring myself to tell DH. It just hurts to much and makes me feel like a failure

OP posts:

BumbleBeee69 · 05/08/2019 18:22

Any decent man would have told TT to wind his neck in about his DW, and stop being a prick.

CatInADoghouse · 05/08/2019 18:31

You've got nothing to feel guilty about OP. DH's ego is a bit bruised and he's taking it out on you. He has no right to be calling you names and making you feel like this. He needs to learn how to deal with this guy. He should have shot him down there and then. It sounds like this other guy is loving winding your DH up.

NavyBlueHue · 05/08/2019 18:33

Sounds like your DH is letting his male ego do the talking. He’s being a twat and has no right to know everything about you.

Besides, look how mature he’s acting now he’s found stuff out about you. If this is his reaction to a gossip he’s clearly not the type who deserves to be told things. Tell him to grow up.

Well done on your earning btw. Some of my highest earning friends don’t have a GCSE between them so he needs to wind his neck in and stop being an education snob.

Guiltypleasures001 · 05/08/2019 18:36

Maybe TT needs a a good dose of HR to keep his mouth shut at work, also your DH seems to be siding with TT.

I think maybe dh needs a few days on his own, to digest how he's treated you

Missingstreetlife · 05/08/2019 18:41

Wot bumble bee said. I went to a wedding recently. There were 4 men there who had slept with the brides sister, and 3 women who had been in relationships with the groom.all had partners. Everyone sensible and civilised, all grown up.

bluebeck · 05/08/2019 18:52

I don't think your DH is as nice as you think he is

Graphista · 05/08/2019 18:59

yea I didn't know mn was having a wobble!

He's not exactly acting like someone who would have sensibly reacted if you HAD told him before op

The "shiny toy" toddler tantrum post is spot on!

Tell him to grow the fuck up and stop being a judgmental sexist arse

peardrops1 · 05/08/2019 19:15

Your DH is cruel (and misguided) to call you dumb. It's a vile insult to throw at someone (and incidentally clearly untrue - I'm in awe of what you've achieved). To reiterate what others have said: YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. Please try not to be worn down by these bullying tactics from your DH (Dim Husband).

peardrops1 · 05/08/2019 19:16

Also, this other guy trying to make trouble for you? What. A. Dick. Still, he's not in your life, so not your problem. Creepy fucker.

Original poster

PorcupinesAndPineTrees · 06/08/2019 00:47

@peardrops1 I don't get it either. He's always been a bit creepy but I've had nothing to do with him at all, apart for obviously my sister dating him for maybe a year. Glad to know I'm not the one BU here. Thanks everyone ❤

OP posts:

CruellaFeinberg · 06/08/2019 09:33

I didn't complete high school. Honestly I earn 80k a year, does it really matter?!

Wow that's incredible, what is it you do?

Vulpine · 06/08/2019 10:25

Both your dh and the other guy are idiots. You sound way more sorted than them.

Whosorrynow · 06/08/2019 11:06

You must be so driven and hard-working to make that kind of money 🤩
(why are you putting up with that dumbass boyfriend, you could do so much better)

ddl1 · 06/08/2019 11:39

You should be angry with the colleague who engages in this sort of spiteful gossip, and with your DH for listening to him taking him seriously. I'd be tempted to say, 'I may have done silly things in my teens, but at least I'm not playing teenage spiteful gossippy games NOW!'

Damntheman · 06/08/2019 12:26

Wow.. if your DH feels you should have told him all that, maybe he should have disclosed that he's a massively insecure twat before getting married as well?

Boulezvous · 06/08/2019 17:39

Well your husband is a very immature dick I'm afraid. It's none of his business how you behaved as a teenager- it suggests you have done a lot more growing up and acquired way more wisdom than he has.

Whatever the situation there is absolutely no excuse for him calling you dumb or a delinquent - how dare he judge you? That is not how you speak to someone you are supposed to love. He should be on his knees apologising to you now. No excuses. And don't accept any.

You need to move away from the guilt about your youth. You have nothing to be ashamed of. The fact that you have grown and developed into a highly successful person shows you have more about you than most people. I have always admired people who have not had the best start in life who go onto to show their grit, determination and courage so powerfully. You should be a role model - not feeling ashamed of your past. Don't let anyone put that on you. Whatever you did you learnt from it and grew as a person. We should all live a little more and avoid the company of small minded people who judge anyone for not following a set path.

And by the way, ignore any jealous comments about your luck. Be proud. Whatever you do to earn that money - you must be very talented and deserve it.

Flip

1 2 3