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AIBU?

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Original poster

Feeling awful and annoyed

72 replies

PorcupinesAndPineTrees · 05/08/2019 17:12

DH has recently gotten a new job and someone I used to go to school with works there. He proceeded to tell DH about how I used to go to parties all the time (on the weekends) and that I was a bit of a wild one. (Due to my undiagnosed chronic depression, I acted out a little bit so I could feel something)

Anyway, DH is annoyed with me for perhaps not being the greatest teenager in the world (I'm 26 now and have a good job. Happily married) is he being a twat? Surely we aren't only judged by our teenage years?

When I say acted out, I skipped class a bit and probably hung around with not the greatest crowd. Didn't do anything illegal though

OP posts:
Graphista · 05/08/2019 17:45

He's being a complete twat!

Not only is your past none of his business is he some kind of Fucking Saint without a "past" of his own? I very much doubt it!

I'd be saying something to him very much along the lines of

1 it's none of your business what happened before we met/got together

2 my past MADE me the person you fell in love with, without those experiences I'd be a different person

And I'd be tempted to say something like (depending what you know of him and his past how pertinent this would be)

3 if I were the virtuous bloody Madonna you seem to think I SHOULD be I wouldn't have looked twice at YOU!

I'd also be throwing the "we should know everything about each other" crap back at him as I highly doubt he was a saint in the past either! I might even be threatening to do some digging into HIS personal history

Dick!!

Graphista · 05/08/2019 17:45

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AuntyMarysBigRedPants · 05/08/2019 17:45

The person who told your husband is an immature wanker, they have achieved their goal by causing trouble
I think your partner needs to apologise to you, we all have a past
If they say anything else to him your husband should laugh in their face and walk off shaking his head , take the power away

Graphista · 05/08/2019 17:45

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Graphista · 05/08/2019 17:46

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Riv · 05/08/2019 17:47

You should tell your partner to be proud of how much you have grown changed. You did some silly things whilst growing up but have left them far behind. So far behind and they are so unimportant to your current life that you hardly remember them.
You also need to mention that his new colleague was well known for exaggerating and stirring things when he was younger and unlike you, has clearly not grown out of his silly behaviour.

Graphista · 05/08/2019 17:47

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CatInADoghouse · 05/08/2019 17:49

Would he not have married you if you had told him you dropped out? It makes absolutely no difference. He owes you a massive apology!

Point made @Graphista 😂

Original poster
PorcupinesAndPineTrees · 05/08/2019 17:49

I told DH that I don't have to share everything, he said because he told me things about his past, that he has a right to know about mine. Troublemaker is as much a twat as DH now. Sure I might not be able to have a job with a nice qualification but I can get by

OP posts:
JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 05/08/2019 17:51

Ask your DH why he thinks he is entitled to that information?

GreytExpectations · 05/08/2019 17:53

26, no qualifications and earn £80k? You must have got really lucky, OP! Its nice when things just fall into place so nicely

Graphista · 05/08/2019 17:54

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Original poster
PorcupinesAndPineTrees · 05/08/2019 17:54

@Joxter, I messaged and asked him that question. He says he feels hurt that I couldn't share my past with him. That he thought we were closer than that. Feels like I don't trust him or something

As I stated earlier, surely if I want to let a horrible part of me die, that a my prerogative

OP posts:
Original poster
PorcupinesAndPineTrees · 05/08/2019 17:56

@greyt I'm very fortunate I live in an industrial area. The job isn't a nice clean one, but it pays well

OP posts:
Sleephead1 · 05/08/2019 17:56

I slept around and had a reputation when I met my husband I've slept with people he knows I would never apologise for it why should I and I'm not ashamed of myself and it's no one else's business what I did as long as I'm faithful now. He's obviously judging you which is pathetic I'm my opinion it's not like you pretended to me a virgin or anything so I would tell him it's none of his business, you won't be discussing it with him and if he wants to be a judgemental idiot then so be it but you have nothing to apologise for. Ps if you earn that much at your age bloody well done

Graphista · 05/08/2019 17:57

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Riv · 05/08/2019 17:57

If you earn £80k a year at 26 you can more than get by.
If you had done well at school, got good A levels and gone to university it is unlikely you would have met him, and more significantly, you would probably be earning well under £30k and rocking a £40k+ student debt.

SomeAfternoonDelight · 05/08/2019 17:58

@greytexpectations 🤨 you sound so judgemental and just plain jealous. She must HAVE to be a heathen to not have any education!!

SomeAfternoonDelight · 05/08/2019 17:58

@Riv 🙌🏼

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 05/08/2019 17:59

Awww did his wickle ego get bruised by the big bad Twat Tale?

Poor poor baby, his dick must've shrivelled up at the sight of a man that slept with "his woman ".

Because that's the issue here, you're HIS woman and your past was irrelevant until he had someone in front of him telling him all about how he played with his shiny new "toy" first.

He doesn't have the balls to deal with Twattle tale or the emotional maturity to just deal with and move on, so now he's picking on you, trying to make you like the bad guy.

Tbh it kinda sounds like he's trying to convince himself that his "toy" wasn't that great after all so it's fine someone had it first... with the cheap shots thrown at you as a bonus.

P.S. these are not the way I view the situation or you/your behaviour .

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 05/08/2019 17:59

He says he feels hurt that I couldn't share my past with him.

So now you present him with the fact that when he found out that information he called you dumb and a delinquent. And then ask him if that sheds any light on why you felt you couldn’t share it with him.

Original poster
PorcupinesAndPineTrees · 05/08/2019 17:59

@Sleephead you're right, it's how we are now that matters. I probably have a few hang ups about my past I need to work through, seeing as it bothers me still

Thanks, I'm very fortunate to be based where I am. I wouldn't have done this well if I was in the city

OP posts:
Crunched · 05/08/2019 18:00

I feel l have to say, pathetic as I know it is, if someone approached me unexpectedly and with others in earshot, and started telling me about the shenanigans they had enjoyed with my DH, despite it being decades ago, my immediate reaction would not be great.
You have done nothing wrong, my misspent teenage is what has made me who I am, but I am the sort of person who loathes not ‘being in the know’.
I’m explaining it badly but what I mean is, I would be likely to say to my DH “why didn’t you warn me about the high twat rating of this individual?”. Now I get that is unreasonable of ME, and I hope it wouldn’t take me long to apologise to DH but I just felt I should try to explain what your DH may be feeling...

Graphista · 05/08/2019 18:01

Sorry for repeated posts app kept telling me wasn't posting and wasn't showing on initial refreshes and I didn't know site (and app it seems) were up spout!

Crunched · 05/08/2019 18:03

...I am pretty emotionally immature Blush