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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU BIL wants his 2nd wedding when I’m due

68 replies

H2Omelonss · 05/08/2019 14:57

AIBU

My BIL asked me to be his wife’s maid of honour and my husband to be his best man. I found out I was pregnant with my second child and told them, but they still wanted me as the maid of honour for their wedding in our city.

I had a dating scan, and we found out our due date (late Jan) and told our family.

My BIL sends an email to my husband last Sunday, asking him that he needs a month off for his second wedding overseas and honeymoon, and he should cover for him. Since they are in business together.

The day he is flying out is 2 days after my due date. I confronted my BIL, he hung up on me.

BIL: my wedding, my day, my honeymoon, I get to decide when it is and should not have anything to do with you

Me: I’m giving birth, could you chose any week or month that I am not due. Your first wedding is in September and I am due end of Jan. And your brother is missing out on his child’s first month

BIL: I gave a few months notice, he can make up the time with the baby later

Me: I gave notice before you

BIL: change your due date, or pick a better time

The conversation degenerated and he hung up with a “bye”

I called the next day and left an apology for having an opinion on his wedding/honeymoon timing. He messages me 4 hours later to acknowledge the message. No apology for his words.

When I gave birth to my first child, my husband swapped a day with his brother, and the brother told him to go to work the next day as the baby was born.

AIBU to be unset? Or is it none of my business?

OP posts:
7sunnysundays · 05/08/2019 15:00

Why on Earth is he having two weddings?

Marnie76 · 05/08/2019 15:00

How does he think you can change your due date 😕?

You shouldn’t have apologised to him, you have nothing to apologise for.

Icecreamsoda99 · 05/08/2019 15:00

Why is your brother choosing his wife's maid of honour and why are they have two weddings? He sounds rather controlling. What does you DH say about this, surely he should be standing up to his brother Confused

Disfordarkchocolate · 05/08/2019 15:00

Your brother is a selfish prat but he's not going to change anything. Can you both pay for cover, babies and birth can be very unpredictability (my fourth baby was an emergency c-section with a major blood vessel cut for extra fun).

Sexnotgender · 05/08/2019 15:01

Change your due date? Is he thick?

coconutpie · 05/08/2019 15:02

Tell your BIL to fuck right off and tell your DH to grow a pair and stand up to his brother.

Marnie76 · 05/08/2019 15:02

What type of business is it OP? Can you bring in paid cover?

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/08/2019 15:03

Neither of the brothers can look after the business during that period so they need cover. Arguing about which is more important won't actually solve the issue although you are right obviously.

LagunaBubbles · 05/08/2019 15:03

Bit confused. 1st and 2nd wedding? He's having 2 weddings?

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 05/08/2019 15:05

Change your due date? 😂

Morgan12 · 05/08/2019 15:05

Two weddings? This needs further explaining.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 05/08/2019 15:05

Let the brothers sort it out.

All this I confronted my BIL - why so aggressive and demanding ? Why couldnt you speak to, or ask? Anyone 'confronted' me about my plans, I''d tell them to go take a running jump.

Yodude · 05/08/2019 15:07

I think if your DH has a problem with his brother and when tales time or if their business he should bring it up with him. I do not think you should be ringing your BIL and telling him when he can get married.

notmuchmoretogive · 05/08/2019 15:07

Your BIL is ridiculous; for many reasons mentioned in your short post.

Drum2018 · 05/08/2019 15:08

Guessing it's a cultural thing with the 2 weddings? If not then they are a pair of pretentious shites. As suggested, the business will have to organise cover for both Dh and bil. Bil second wedding does not trump your baby's arrival, nor does your baby's arrival trump bil's second wedding. Both events are important to the people involved (despite him and his fiancée being dicks, organising their event the same time as due date). No point trying to change his mind. He sounds horrible. And don't apologise to him for anything. Let Dh deal with it. It's his brother and his business.

titchy · 05/08/2019 15:09

Dear brother. You don't seem to be aware how due dates are calculated. The due date is 40 weeks from conception. Given that conception has already taken place how do you propose I now change this? Perhaps you have a time machine I am unaware of? Or maybe you were thinking I could just shove the baby back in once it starts to make its appearance? Other suggestions welcome.

flouncyfanny · 05/08/2019 15:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/08/2019 15:14

Tell your BIL to fuck right off and tell your DH to grow a pair and stand up to his brother.

Your husband should be dealing with his brother.

Italiangreyhound · 05/08/2019 15:16

Agree with coconutpie "Tell your BIL to fuck right off and tell your DH to grow a pair and stand up to his brother."

If your BIL is not around when you baby is due you will need to hire someone trustworthy in to work the business while your dh is with you, regardless of what your BIL is doing.

If I were your brother (or you) this would be a massive red flag about being in business with family.

Good luck with pregnancy and birth.

bluebeck · 05/08/2019 15:17

Agree with PP. DH needs to tell BIL it will be impossible for him to cover his absence as he will on parental leave.

As BIL is such a turd, I would be thinking about ending this business partnership anyway.

Lunde · 05/08/2019 15:19

Change you due date to suit his wedding? BIL is a bit thick isn't he?

TixieLix · 05/08/2019 15:20

I would not be attending either of BILs two weddings, at least not in MoH role. I'd also make sure DH is telling his DB that he will NOT be covering for him when he's on honeymoon after his second wedding.

Still not understanding the two weddings several months apart business. Why do they need two? Can he not have his honeymoon after the first wedding?

Bluntness100 · 05/08/2019 15:21

Is there a cultural thing here op?

Italiangreyhound · 05/08/2019 15:24

It's normal in loads of cultures to have two weddings, one religious and one secular etc and maybe the OP doesn't want to say because it would be outing. It may be family live overseas etc so the need for two weddings. I'd not be keen to attend either but if you want to go to one and be a bridesmaid or whatever then do.

But OP I would think of the future of the business and have your contingency plans just in case your DH and his 'D'B cannot work together in the future.

whatever123noname · 05/08/2019 15:25

well, when you run your own business, you don't get employment rights like parental leave and you just have to make cover work somehow. And you can't really hire someone to run your business, anyone who owns their own business know what. Your DH and his brother need to work it out between them.