AIBU BIL wants his 2nd wedding when I’m due

[H2Omelonss]

AIBU

My BIL asked me to be his wife’s maid of honour and my husband to be his best man. I found out I was pregnant with my second child and told them, but they still wanted me as the maid of honour for their wedding in our city.

I had a dating scan, and we found out our due date (late Jan) and told our family.

My BIL sends an email to my husband last Sunday, asking him that he needs a month off for his second wedding overseas and honeymoon, and he should cover for him. Since they are in business together.

The day he is flying out is 2 days after my due date. I confronted my BIL, he hung up on me.

BIL: my wedding, my day, my honeymoon, I get to decide when it is and should not have anything to do with you

Me: I’m giving birth, could you chose any week or month that I am not due. Your first wedding is in September and I am due end of Jan. And your brother is missing out on his child’s first month

BIL: I gave a few months notice, he can make up the time with the baby later

Me: I gave notice before you

BIL: change your due date, or pick a better time

The conversation degenerated and he hung up with a “bye”

I called the next day and left an apology for having an opinion on his wedding/honeymoon timing. He messages me 4 hours later to acknowledge the message. No apology for his words.

When I gave birth to my first child, my husband swapped a day with his brother, and the brother told him to go to work the next day as the baby was born.

AIBU to be unset? Or is it none of my business?

"Once again, why is the OP not allowed a voice?"

It's not about her having a voice.

It's a work issue between the brothers.

Your DH would do well to remember that when BIL and SIL have a child BIL is entitled to one day cover at most. He can see his baby any time after its a month old, and he has no recourse on it. Of course I'm sure your DH is decent enough not to actually do it, but he should damn well say he is when the time comes.

Have I got this right?

BIL arranged his UK (presuming you are in the UK) wedding for September. After this (first) wedding was booked, you found out you are pregnant, and subsequently discovered you're due in late January.

Did DH inform BIL that he (DH) will be needing time off for the birth and to look after DC1 while you are recovering and looking after DC2?

Then AFTER you informed BIL of your due date, he announced that their Indian wedding will be in late January, right around your due date, and he'll be taking a month off work?

Surely your DH has first dibs on late January? Or was the Indian wedding already arranged for that time before you knew your due date?

I think your DH needs to grow a backbone and stand up to BIL. But you should stay out of it.

Your DH should be telling him to fuck off.

Baby beats wedding. Even a first fucking wedding.

Yabu, your BIL cannot resolve his life around your pregnancy, and advise 350 people the wedding can’t go ahead as his brothers wife pregnancy.

I’m not sure what the issue is with the maid of honour or even why it’s been mentioned? as it’s nothing do with the second wedding

YABU, your in-laws are going to help with the business, so that’s also a non issue

Agree with @HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend

Why would your dh chose his brothers wedding over the birth of his child. Just tell BIL that neither of you will be attending, pretty simple really, he either changes the date or his brother (and you) do not attend.

He's a twat... but you turned it into a drama.

Ultimately both your DH and his Brother have a good reason to be off - your DH for the birth of his child and your brother to get married. From the sounds of it you have assistance to cover the (presumably 2 weeks of parental leave) your DH will take.

So where is the issue?

Why are you "confronting" the BIL? Can't you just have a sensible conversation?

Who actually ultimately runs the business? If it is an exact 50/50 split, then your DH and BIL need to discuss how they will manage this - you shouldn't be getting involved.

The draw back of being self employed is having to plan cover.

Why would your dh chose his brothers wedding over the birth of his child. Just tell BIL that neither of you will be attending

They are attending the wedding in September, it’s the wedding in India (SIL to be, home town) that neither the OP or her husband will be attending.

OP wants her BIL to move this date to suit her birth date, her husband will be working part time when the OP gives birth and family members are stepping in to help with the business.

@ellisandra

Are you the OP's SIL or another in law?

OP you have done nothing wrong, BIL is being a diva imo. Your DH can tell the groomzilla to calm down.

Don't know why you apologised OP I'd be telling him to stick his wedding where the sun don't shine.

Is your bil always so competitive? What’s the background? Was the wedding planned after your pregnancy announcement? Did you have a month off for your wedding?

@Sparklynails77
No.

Are you a member of her family?

Or just unable to imagine anyone having a different opinion to you?

You obviously can't change your due date it is what it is. However I agree with other posters that the wedding in India couldn't have been planned on a whim you would have roughly known what month albeit maybe not date. Why should they arrange their wedding around you? Especially if you knew the wedding was coming up?

My wedding date was agreed a year before. Bil and sil decided to try for a baby knowing full well she would either be heavily pregnant or have a newborn on our wedding date our wedding was over 4 hours away in my hometown and she complained hugely about the inconvenience to her but she already knew when we were getting married and decided to conceive anyway. This might be clouding my judgement but I think yabu. It is totally understandable that your Dh is staying at home with you and your other child but if anyone should be talking to bil about this it should be your husband as a brother and business partner. Yes of course you can have an opinion and voice it but for the sake of your relationship in the long term I would have let your dh manage it. Hope all goes well in your pregnancy!

Is your BIL having a big fat HINDU wedding OP? In that case, the date is picked by a priest. It has to be a auspicious day ( lunar calendar) AND has to match the bride’s and groom’s horoscopes. Source: my SIL is from India :)

It sounds like a bit of a non-issue really as your PIL are there to help.

Just avoid your BIL as much as you can. It sounds like you don't really get on.

I think you are both being unreasonable here, so won't vote.