To expect able bodied pedestrians to be tolerant of ds if he walks into them

[handlemecarefully]

3 year old ds is very independent, and I allow him to walk along the pavement without holding hands (his preference) - unless of course it's a very busy pedestrian thoroughfare where allowing him to 'free range' across the pavement would constitute a nuisance (then he has to hold my hand)!

However in a small market town during the week when it's quite quiet I allow him some measured freedom.

Basically my approach is to be vigilant in case an elderly / frail or disabled person is approaching and I would intervene to avoid him getting under their feet in those circumstances, but otherwise I urge him regularly to 'mind out' or 'look where you are going' - but not every 20 seconds since I am not a drill sargeant major.

So occasionally an adult may need to step smartly aside (when he isn't concentrating) - in which case I smile and apologise.

Is this reasonable do you think?

He bumped into an irritable cow (aged 30's?) this morning and got told in shrill voice "Watch where you are going!"

i say sorry to everyone my dd walks into and some are downright rude!!

however i make a point of smiling at any child who walks into my (double) buggy and a smile for the parents, with a few 'don't worry about it' words.

kids dont pay attention to whats going on around them, the look at the floor/their hands/the cookie store across the road.

i hate it when people are rude about it!

YANBU

I think it depends on the child, with reins. Many 3 yr olds don't need them (mine was ok by 3) but some children just take longer to develop that bit of 'sense' and some are darters despite on-going work from their parents! Bit of give and take required - I'd say a non special needs five year old would be surprising in reins but not a 3 yr old!

oh god, does it really matter?

just hold his hand ffs

just take your medication ffs

Good lord, people are intolerant numpties aren't they?

My dd walks without holding my hand, she won't do it, I'm sure I could force her if I thought there was any need but I don't. She will occasionally get in the way - big deal - I find this happens with fully grown adults all the time. At least if my dd gets in someone's way I apologise to them, unlike many of the feckers who bump into me! Children have to learn don't they? Practice makes perfect.

YANBU imo.

have you thought the adult might be worried about injuring a human who only comes up to their thighs or less? small children move so fast they can be a massive trip hazzard but u sound as though u are considering others. She was probably just having a bad day.

It is mean for a fully fit adult to snap at a child for this.

However, I would just say to you that an adult who looks fully fit and young may actually be in a lot of pain and ill.

I think it's certainly true to say that if you let your small children off the leash you have to be relaxed about people bumping into them...

YANBU in my opinion. Your son has to learn and it sounds like you are doing a good job in making sure that he has some freedom to make mistakes without getting in the way too much.

DS2 is 3.11 and good at walking down the pavement and in crowded situations but, even when he is holding my hand, it is amazing how many people don't see him. He and his brother can be a pain especially in supermarkets when they get bored and I am distracted. No excuses - I would cheerfully disown them both sometimes but I just say sorry to their unfortunate victim and read them the riot act. I am beginning to seriously consider leaving them at home but at the same time I am loathed to do that as it isn't always convenient and also I think they need to learn how to behave and they won't do that stuck at home.

On one occasion though DS2 was standing next to me behaving himself, to one side of the aisle and some woman in a suit and high heels came charging down the aisle and gave him a glancing blow to the head with her basket. I said 'oh careful' and bent down to see if he was alright (he was but a bit shocked) and she just looked over her shoulder, tutted at me and walked off. Charming. Not a role model.

DS1 on the other hand has dyspraxia too (I know where you are coming from chocolateteapot). He is 7 and still bumps into people regularly as he lacks a bit of spatial awareness. This is despite me barking at him like a drill instructor. Mind you that can be counter productive as sometimes I will say be careful and he will stop and turn round in the street to see what I am talking about and everybody comes to a bumping halt. I spend a lot of time apologising.

Regarding reins, I never used them as both DSs thought it was hysterically funny just to stop in the street and dangle on them. They were always much better just holding my hand or the pushchair.

But twig, taken to a logical not-so-extreme that argument suggests that young children should never be taken anywhere where they might possibly be annoying to other people. Like a reasonably nice restaurant or a concert - in case they do something childlike. Which begs the question, how do they learn to be other than annoying in those circumstances. My children are the mosr important thing in my world but I'm perfectly prepared to accept they matter not gnat's fart to others - however they will matter more as unassimilated and disfuctional adults that expect everywhere to be like MacDonalds.

Or is that possibly taking things too far???? I have had wine....

(The wine was neccessary as MIL was here.)

'think a 3 yr old is too old for reins. I've spent a long time consistently teaching DS1 not to run off, run ahead of me, run in the road etc. He has to learn'

You're quite right of course, I am a lazy slob and haven't bothered trying to teach ds3 road sense at all. Indeed I love to have to carry him round half the time, my back aching- and I only get joy from thinking what it'll be like in 7 months time when I am 8 months PG and carrying a 4.8 year old child around town

Erm, walk a day in my moccasins? there but for the Grace of God and all that

peachy - are you up the duff???? Congratulations

haven't read whole thread but...

If the roles had been reversed and an adult had (accidentally) walked into the three year old would people still consider this to be acceptable? Because somehow I think not. And yet an adult is still capable of walking into a small child, even more so imo as child is smaller than adult and adults don't walk around looking down at the ground do they, thus unattached three year old running along would be an easy target for someone in a hurry, and yet people would be quick to say that adult should have been looking where he/she was going.

Children need to learn to look where they are going, and they need to learn to do this without running into people.

But presumably both 3yr old and 30 yr old grouch were failing to look where they were going. Hence the collision. So why was it all the child's fault?

I have dodgy knees and if a three year old banged into me in such a way as to threaten the displacement of my Patella - I might be rather sharp! Its easier to knock my knee cap awry than you'd think - its the only time I've sworn at ds (4.5) since not only is it painful, but my leg would collapse and I might well fall on the child.....

actually a 3 year old wouldn't be in a normal adult's field of vision whereas an adult would fill the child's

YANBU but...if i was annoyed would depend on my mood at the time and how old the child is. I usually am very tolerant if the lo in question is quite small, but if it tripped me up, hurt, or was an older child it would probably annoy me...until they or the parent apologised. That's the crucial difference i think.

Other non-obvious disablities include poor vision - not all partially sighted people come with guide dogs or white sticks. Someone with poor peripheral vision really might not have noticed your child. Not saying that's the case with angry woman, but is a reason to try to limit the chances of a child colliding with an adult.

Small children are a tripping hazard because they are below your sight line and can take your knees out. I've nearly tripped over them several times. I remember having to go to a 3yos party long before I had any children myself and suddenly realising it would be very, very easy to tread on one accidentally, given the way they were all charging about.

Short of all parents being required to ring bells and shout 'BEWARE 3yo on the loose' it's just one of those things, though.

"and they need to learn to do this without running into people."

Yes thanks wannabe, but my dc was very definitely not running

"Short of all parents being required to ring bells and shout 'BEWARE 3yo on the loose' it's just one of those things, though." - well quite edam!

I find announcing 'ds, mind the lady' quite loudly usually garners a friendly smile. Or at least alerts passing ladies to imminent danger.

yes edam is right and reminds me that that is what I do

because it shows other pedestrians you do actually give a toss where your toddler is meandering and you don't want him/her to be in anyone's way

it also reinforces to child that it is not acceptable to not think of other road users

Lazycow, thanks for your comments re my DD shouting.

I should have added that my DD has special needs and her volume control is 'broken'. I was tempted to tell the Stupid Bloody Angry Woman that. DD does have lovely manners and this area is the only one where I can sometimes see people thinking, "Is there any need for her to be so loud?".

My DD doesn't look like she has any problems at all and that kind of hidden disability is tricky. I guess that's partly why I am preaching tolerance. However, I am aware that I may well be defending people who are simply bad-tempered, intolerant b*tards.

Patsy

Well unless the irritable cow was standing perfectly still, then I think it takes two to run into each other. Here I am a full grown woman, and I have allowed myself to get distracted and bump someone. I quickly apologize and move on. I think you are being very reasonable.

Now if he was running wildly around, that would be different. But that does not sound like the case.

god I cannot imagine giving a crap if a 3 yo walked into me.

I would scarcely give a crap if an ADULT walked into me.

Jesus life is seriously too short to get worked up about little kids walking all over the pavement.

Amen to that!