To expect able bodied pedestrians to be tolerant of ds if he walks into them

[handlemecarefully]

3 year old ds is very independent, and I allow him to walk along the pavement without holding hands (his preference) - unless of course it's a very busy pedestrian thoroughfare where allowing him to 'free range' across the pavement would constitute a nuisance (then he has to hold my hand)!

However in a small market town during the week when it's quite quiet I allow him some measured freedom.

Basically my approach is to be vigilant in case an elderly / frail or disabled person is approaching and I would intervene to avoid him getting under their feet in those circumstances, but otherwise I urge him regularly to 'mind out' or 'look where you are going' - but not every 20 seconds since I am not a drill sargeant major.

So occasionally an adult may need to step smartly aside (when he isn't concentrating) - in which case I smile and apologise.

Is this reasonable do you think?

He bumped into an irritable cow (aged 30's?) this morning and got told in shrill voice "Watch where you are going!"

Sorry but think YABU

Maybe that because I was just nearly floored out shopping by small boy moving at top speed....I do think, frustrating as it may be, you should either hold his hand or call out every 20 seconds.

Oh surely not in a supermarket twig? That is one of the most calming and reasssuring experiences of parenthood. Seeing and hearing someone else's children being horrible and seeing and hearing another parent reaching the end of their rope

Patst - I think telling anyone (particularly a young child you don't know) to 'shut up' is incredible rude and as you say you gave the benefit of the doubt but I'd have been tempted to add

' .. and I've been trying to teach her to be considerate and have manners but it's difficult when grownups who should know better, tell her to shut up in such a rude way' and then I'd have smiled sweetly.

Absolutely agree ormirian

I was in a supermarket yesterday in my lunchbreak, blissfully ds free and there was a woman with a 2/3 year old having a very loud tantrum and getting quite exasperated with him.

It made me feel so great that it wasn't me, that it put me in great mood for quite a while after. I breezed up to her and smiled saying 'hopefully sympathetically' .

'Oh good I'm glad it's not just mine who does that then'. She tried to smile back and said something like 'I'm trying to ignore it but it doesn't seem to be helping'

The toddler was still screaming as I shopped and paies and all I could think was how happy I was that I wasn't having to deal with it. Other people's children misbehaving always cheers me up no end actually.

"I'm not saying restrict him but it is your responsibility to watch where he's going and teach him to not get in other people's way .. maybe? "

• Yes I do teach him to watch where he is going (as I described in my OP) but he is small and still learning so there is the occasional mistake

Tbh I am a little surprised some of you are so restrictive with your children - but different strokes I suppose.

Gibbon - be careful not to transfer your experience with the boy in the supermarket to my situation (which I agree sounds maddening). Ds is a little 3 year old - and he walks quite slowly (not allowed to run along the pavement)

For me it's about being a tolerant society. For instance when an elderly person (bless them they can be a little distracted and wrapped up in themselves) stands bang in the middle of the pavement talking to a friend, inside I am irritated, but outwardly I say politely 'Excuse me' and chide myself for being impatient

I am a YANBU. My 6yo frequently bumps into people. It drives me scatty, but if I ever have any extra children with me or things to carry I cannot hold his hand because of 3yo DD. Maybe if he spent more time making his own way at 3, rather than being clamped to the pram (baby DD in it), he would be better now?

People bump into people accidentally all the time. Usually apologies are made on both sides and people keep going. Just because your son is 3 does not give her the right to blame him entirely. Would she walk into a lamp-post? Probably not. So why did she walk into your son?

I meant your experience sounds maddening (not my situation)

"For me it's about being a tolerant society"

Well exactly HMC.

And sorry - bad habit of mine not to answer the OP. YANBU. 3 year old is a good time in my opinion (all else being equal - ie no special needs, developmental delays etc) to start allowing a small child to walk on their own sometimes and if that means they sometimes bump into someone - well I bump into people sometimes too.

I'd keep doing what you are doing myself and accept that some people are just incredibly rude.

HMC, are you sure you aren't me? I have EXACTLY the same approach with 3 yr old DS. How is he meant to learn how to walk along a pavement independently if he isn't allowed to try in a safe environment? Your initial post sounds totally reasonable to me.

silly old bag. Even before I had children, I quite enjoyed having to navigate around wayward toddlers and then smiling at the mother to show some sort of solidarity!

In all fairness, my 14 yr old still hasn't quite mastered pavement etiquette, and I know that I haven't. I think that if you're a non-driver (such as a 3 yr old), you wouldn't automatically head to the left (I think that most of choose to head to the left even as a pedestrian on the pavement) when faced with a head-on collision situation, making collisions with children all the more likely. People should be more tolerant.

Ok I think on balance I am going to continue as we are (going with majority opinion on this thread)...

I was prepared to consider changing my approach but...haven't seen compelling reason to do so

Nevertheless it is useful to have contrary views. Little bit worried about the hidden disability issue

I think YANBU. Children do need to learn how to walk on a pavement properly and it's better to do it whilst they are young when in theory people are more tolerant to their mistakes.

My DD (8.5) has dyspraxia and finds it really hard to walk in a straight line and totally struggles not to bump into people or lamp posts. I have to bark instructions constantly as we're walking along. She doesn't look like she has a disability and people get really stroppy if she bumps into them as she looks old enough not to be doing it. So I am working on this now with DS who is 3 but is tall and looks about 5, so that hopefully I only get filthy looks about from other people about one of my children.

chocolateteapot

When did we get to be a nation of grouchy sods?

Fair point HMC

My post may have been slightly influenced by my recent winding

Walking and running very different and you did say walking in your OP

She may like others have said had a disability, or maybe it was PND, or maybe she's in early PG and worried about people bumping her? who knows? OCuld well have been the one and only time she's ever snapped, and tbh I'd just let it go and not worry about it.

PMT not PND (though could have been that as well)

from which basically

who knows why she was edgy? She may have ahd a reason, she might not, she may be nnormally the nicest eprson ever, don't dwell on it, its just one eprson and is insignificant in the whole scheme of things

I'm not worried unduly about that particular incident Peachy, and have indeed let it go (although my money is on her being just a grumpy so and so rather than having an extenuating factor behind her verbal aggression towards a 3 year old - nice)

The reason for posting was just to test out what other people's philosophy would be on allowing small children to learn to walk along the street quasi-independently. The reference to the 'lady' concerned was just by way of example

I think your approach is perfect HMC. Adults in a not too busy place as you describe should be able to cope with a 3 yr old having a bit of independence. Adults should be able to be aware that all children are a little bit less aware and a little bit less able to weave around others. We all have to learn it.

Blimey, if they can't cope with this we might as well give birth to them, the box 'em up and send them away somewhere till they're sixteen, so they don't cause anyone the slightest moment's inconvenience.

lol, or buy them a leash Honoria!

This is not directed at HMC (who I respect a lot) but it does seem to start the discussion over why should we believe that the world should bend to the wills of our 3 year olds rather than take it upon ourselves as parents to ensure that our 3 year olds do not irritate others by walking into them, shouting in inappropriate places etc etc

Shucks I respect you a lot too Twig

I agree that the world shouldn't be expected to bend to the wills of our 3 year olds. But I think there should generally be a bit of give and take, and as someone said, a bit more slack should be cut for more vulnerable members of society (e.g. very young, very old etc)