To expect able bodied pedestrians to be tolerant of ds if he walks into them

[handlemecarefully]

3 year old ds is very independent, and I allow him to walk along the pavement without holding hands (his preference) - unless of course it's a very busy pedestrian thoroughfare where allowing him to 'free range' across the pavement would constitute a nuisance (then he has to hold my hand)!

However in a small market town during the week when it's quite quiet I allow him some measured freedom.

Basically my approach is to be vigilant in case an elderly / frail or disabled person is approaching and I would intervene to avoid him getting under their feet in those circumstances, but otherwise I urge him regularly to 'mind out' or 'look where you are going' - but not every 20 seconds since I am not a drill sargeant major.

So occasionally an adult may need to step smartly aside (when he isn't concentrating) - in which case I smile and apologise.

Is this reasonable do you think?

He bumped into an irritable cow (aged 30's?) this morning and got told in shrill voice "Watch where you are going!"

It is interesting Twig

HMC nothing wrong with a Leash! i find my 4 year old does well on his (well rucksack reins things- long tape so gets freedom without too much, I realise he's 4 but ahs an 18 month delay)

...that was a 'blush' rather than embarrassed emoticon by way of explanation

Peachy, I was being flippant . I don't have a problem with reigns for children where they are needed. Don't feel that there are appropriate for my ds because he has really good road sense for instance...and is reasonably adept (but not fail safe) on navigating other pedestrians

Well, it's a difficult line to draw and I'm not sure that discussing it here is very easy. I believe that by giving my daughter freedom to negotiate the pavements (and the world) she learns how not to bump into people or lampposts, get mauled by dogs or walk in their shit etc, but of course there are always going to be moments while she is learning that she makes mistakes (though fortunately not too many) and has to be reined in as a matter of urgency. There is another school of thought that you control your child and teach him/her to behave according to your rules rather than by his/her experience. I don't adhere to that school.

Just out of interest, on a tangent, I never see kids on reins any more. Is there some reason why people don't use them so much anymore? My mum used them on all of us.

I think people here in the UK can be intolerant of small children - they hate them making noise, disrupting life etc and make sour faces to match. unfortunately we live here and not Italy so that's life. But I also am aware that my DS is awful at walking and often will charge into people despite lots of warnings and shouting from me (to alert unfortunate victims). Unfortunately he's 5 and no way will he hold my hand except under duress. So I would definitely try to control my DS and if he were more biddable try to cut it out all together.

I still think she was a grumpy cow though - I got one of those in the railway station when we accidentally bumped into one another and she stopped dead and exclaimed violently about "some people".

She should have been looking where she was going, not the otherway round. After all, she has the advantage of height and developed spatial awareness.

When my ds was a babe in arms, a woman walked into his pram when we were having a drink in a pub courtyard. She said 'Oh for God sakes' and traipsed off in her high heels towards the toilets.

She walked into the mens. I didn't correct her.

bumperlicious - yes, reins have gone out of fashion rather. I think they aren't PC these days.

I just think that some people have bad days and decide to take it out on the people on least deserve it and are unable to defend themselves. It's not fair at all, and I'd like to think that once they get home and sit down with a nice cuppa and a biscuit they feel almightily guilty about the way they've behaved.

I'm with you there emj23, and tbh I've had a bad day before, been a grumpy cow and taken it out on someone who didn't warrant it (and have reflected on it at home afterwards)

Yep, me too, handlemecarefully, I've snapped at grown people over things that really weren't their fault and then felt awful later on. I hope that people who act like it towards small children feel especially bad though, it's just them finding an easy target I think.

My observation is that adults (self included!) will plough into child below their sight line and the mum will invariably tell their child to mind out. Even if the poor little mite was standing blamelessly still.

Its like we all expect small children to be more aware of potential collisions than adults... weird.

Anyhow, I think the OP is entirely reasonable and that adults should be tolerant enough to say 'mind out' pleasantly when the need arises and 'sorry, my fault' when it is.

I used reins. And I still occasionally use the backpack and leash combo on dd (3) if she's getting too wayward. But I also let her walk by herself. And she does sometimes get in people's way. But TBH that's what happens when you share a pavement with other people. I do use a very apologetic face though, rather than a smile with my spoken apology. I grovel. Puts people off .

I don't think the average NT 3yo needs reins. Although I did use them on both my children at a younger age.

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but do think you'd have to accept your child being accidentally knocked over by a hurrying adult with a degree of equinimity if you take this approach. Your 3 year old is likely to come off worse in a collision (as a small adult I've been sent flying several times by much larger people). Yes, people should watch where they're going, but we don't always.

I don't think your being unreasonable. I do think though that unfortunatly we are a very impatient and intollerant society now adays.

Ok... slightly different tangent.

Stood in a very wide hospital corridor yesterday - I was against the wall, DD stood slightly in front of me talking. A man pushing a bed had already passed, with someone over taking him, so plenty of room.

A woman with a pushchair stopped and coughed and glared until DD stood flat against the wall, rather than steer a teeny bit into the wide open space.

Which one of us was in the wrong there - me for not moving DD instantly, or her for not steering round?

I honestly have no idea anymore!!!

Oh god ds1 barrels into people and tries to grab them. It's a nightmare. This morning an old man took a shine to him after seeing him leaping all over the place and stated pokng him in the tummy with his walking stick. I think he was trying to be nice as he was shouting back the yelps that ds1 makes and trying to make eye contact (no chance ha!)

TBH I think you should try and keep your children out of the way of others but if extreme youth (or disability) make that difficult then other people should be less tolerant.

MORE tolerant. Less grumpy....

I find most people seem very pleased to see my dd running down to the shops, singing the Balamory theme tune or telling me to 'be a white rabbit mummy, and I'll be Alice'. Lots of smiles, middle aged builders entirely amenable to walking round a little girl, lots of comments about how sweet she is.
Makes the world a sunnier place.
The irritable cow is just an irritable cow. It takes two to bump btw, if they were both moving, she was just as much to blame if not more.

Once a little girl went walking out the shop door quite quickly and a stupid cyclist ran her over because he was cycling on the pavement right next to the shop doors. The little girl was ok in the end but it was a big shock for her.

Ok...

She was rude, and shouldn't have snapped at a small child.

Bt it is VERY annoying to be chrged into by a small child - because of the fear you will trip over them, land on them, and injure them, and face the wrath of the mother, which as we all know is not always reasonable when her own small child's injuries are concerned.

I should explain, it's not so much annoyance, it's that awful heart-lurch when you nearly hurt someone tiny - THAT's why I hate to collide with little children.

I think a 3 yr old is too old for reins. I've spent a long time consistently teaching DS1 not to run off, run ahead of me, run in the road etc. He has to learn. Of course this is done with sense, so near busy roads he has to hold hands, crossing roads he has to hold hands, but just walking down a quiet pavement, he walks on his own. He understands "the rules" and we don't have an issue with it at all any more. All reins did for us was encourage tantrums and hanging in mid air as he lifted his feet up to dangle.