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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that being content with what you have is unfashionable?

69 replies

LittleFairywren · 04/08/2019 17:39

I see it all the time. People around me are always striving for the next house move, the next new car, the next item of designer clothing, the next child. Nothing ever seems to be enough for people these days. I think its a shame that people these days are so busy looking forward to what they need to buy/get/do next that they forget to be content with their lot. Or is it just me?

OP posts:

Angrybottlethrower · 04/08/2019 17:41

I agree with you OP in theory but I guess we all have aspirations and if we didn’t have something to work towards, we wouldn’t feel fulfilled. Obviously it’s a question of what makes you feel fulfilled but personally I don’t feel like I’m really ‘living’ unless I have goals set and achieved ready to move on to the next challenge

Pagwatch · 04/08/2019 17:43

I think a lot of people think that the next thing the buy is the final piece that will make them feel happy and successful. Also shopping is a leisure activity now - the emotional buzz you get from shopping can be hard to resist

SandyY2K · 04/08/2019 17:45

Everyone's different and has different ambitions and desires. What you consider sufficient, they may not.

Some people are content with very little and I see no attempt on their parts to make any changes to improve.

Different strokes, for different folks.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 04/08/2019 17:45

I think maybe it is something one grows out of in the end. I am resigned to not being anything more or having anything more than right now -- and facing the prospect of being and having less every year from now to the grave. So I would cheerfully settle for being content with what I have, if only it would stay.

(Oh goodness I am so tired of waking up and wondering which bit of me is going to hurt when I move...)

Mintjulia · 04/08/2019 17:47

No, not just you.

My last relationship ended because I didn’t want to buy a new car and a flash holiday on credit. Ex couldn’t understand that I like my elderly car, I’m a single mum so I like to have some money in reserve, not be in debt, and I can do without 10 days in Dubai without a second glance.
I have a son, a home, a garden, friends, a job I enjoy. I really couldn’t care less if next door have his’n’hers matching BMWs

HorridHenrysNits · 04/08/2019 17:49

There's a whole economic system predicated on trying to encourage people not to be content with what they have.

Tableclothing · 04/08/2019 17:50

if we didn’t have something to work towards, we wouldn’t feel fulfilled

Agree with this is general, but also agree with OP that for quite a few people, the things they are now working towards are material objects that they don't need, or the alteration of their physical appearance. I think that such goals are unlikely to be as fulfilling as, say, learning a new skill, or helping others.

PooWillyBumBum · 04/08/2019 17:51

I'm not so bothered with the house, car, child thing but goals are what makes me tick. I like to have goals for my retirement fund, what I want to achieve at work, fitness, learning languages. I think there is enough space in my head to both stop and smell the roses and push forward with exciting projects!

BenWillbondsPants · 04/08/2019 17:55

I kind of agree OP. I am very content with my lot on the whole. I have some health issues at the moment but that will all pass. Good relationship, lovely DC's, job that I like, nice house, great friends. I still have goals and ambitions, I think that's healthy, but they don't get in the way of appreciating what I have.

I know people who will never, ever be fulfilled because they always want what they don't have. Then they get it and it's still not enough.

It's not perfect, but for me, that's what keeps me happy and content.

themouldneverbotheredmeanyway · 04/08/2019 17:56

A lot of people are striving for things that don't actually make them happier (except in the very short term novelty). So buying something expensive you briefly feel happier, then it drops, so you strive to buy something else thinking that will make you happier.

Things that will actually increase your happiness levels - good relationships, good health, time to relax and follow hobbies, being engaged in your community. Striving for these things makes sense.

Sadly our unquenchable consumption is creating environmental havoc and will make our kids' and grandkids' future significantly harder.

HoorayItsTheHolidays · 04/08/2019 17:56

I have a friend who is very content. She doesn't strive and she is very comfortable. BUT, she and her husband earn enough for her to be a part time worker only (she could stop work all together, but she likes to 'dabble' (what I wouldn't give to 'dabble') and likes her field of work, so chooses to keep working part time). Her and her husband have a combined huge income and can afford holidays, two cars, a camper van they use on weekend trips away, all the extra-curricular stuff their chiildren need, treats out, AND, they want for nothing. They are not millionnareis, but they are very very 'comfortable' (don't have to worry about money).

If I was in my friends situation I would be happy as I am too, and not wanting to strive for more. I would be pleased with my lot and not wanting more.

However, reality is that DS is a talented swimmer and I need to pay for his lessons and club which are v expensive. My children need school uniform and I need to pay for that. We need to pay our mortgage, and I want to take my children on holiday and enable them to do fun things like go camping, go to Legoland etc....

So no, I am not happy as I am, and yes I do feel I always need more (mainly money, but an extra car would be handy, and a bigger house so DS2 has a room as big as his brother)

When I win the lottery I'll be comfortable and will stop striving for more material things. Until then I can't help wanting more for my children (maybe if I didn't have kids I'd be fine not to strive too)

Ylvamoon · 04/08/2019 18:00

My power phrase to this subject is: look at what you have, not what you have not.

blue25 · 04/08/2019 18:00

Completely agree. People are always striving for the next 'thing' believing it will finally make them happy. Of course, it rarely does.

Being content and happy in the moment is an art many people have lost. Eckhart Tolle's book 'The Power of Now' is an interesting read on this topic.

CathyorClaire · 04/08/2019 18:04

YANBU but as PP said there's a whole economic system with a vested interest in keeping us spending. A sideshoot of this is built in obsolescence whereby items either become too expensive to repair so get discarded and replaced or when manufacturers deliberately exclude perfectly serviceable but older gadgets from upgrades Thinking particularly of tech items here but it also applies to spare parts getting harder and harder to source as items age.

PancakeAndKeith · 04/08/2019 18:05

I agree.
I’m happy. I like my house, I’m happy with my job. What good does it do anyone to sit here and think ‘if only I had a bigger house’?

So people seem to spend all their time thinking about the next thing and not taking the time to enjoy what they have.

LolaSmiles · 04/08/2019 18:08

There's a whole economic system predicated on trying to encourage people not to be content with what they have.
This ^^
With advertising and social media and so on it is worse and worse. If you buy this, you'll look younger, you'll be happier, the new stylish you will be a go get em woman, dress to impress, if you don't go to Disney have you even shown your children try trip of a lifetime?

I think we all fall for a bit, but awareness of the problem is the first part to make gradual changes.

HorridHenrysNits · 04/08/2019 18:11

Yy re built in obsolescence. It becomes an expensive luxury not to buy new. Fucked system.

Jsmith99 · 04/08/2019 18:14

There is nothing wrong with ambition or having goals in life, of course.

The problems start when people start confusing consumerism with success and fulfilment. Using money you haven’t got, in the form of unsecured debt, to buy stuff you don’t need in order to project an image of success is crazy, and it is endemic in modern society.

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 04/08/2019 18:19

I've just got out of 14 years of unsecured debt. Paid back every single penny. And it has made me see life in a whole new light. I don't need to spend money I don't have on things I don't need. And when I don't spend, I can save. Things will break, and need replacing, but that's not the same as the constant buy new and buy now.

scaryteacher · 04/08/2019 18:20

I think to be content you have to be at ease with yourself, and that isn't always a simple thing to achieve, especially if the mantra being pushed on social media, the TV etc is that you must have 'x' to be truly happy.

Jurassicmuma · 04/08/2019 18:21

Yanbu. It annoys me how people can't believe someone can be content with their lot in life. Personally I love my little life, we're farmers and certainly not rich, in fact pretty poor but we've got a lovely life. I recently bought a little car, just a little hatchback, all my friends couldn't fathom why I didn't want a cross over costing 15k up, none of my friends need 4 wheel drives but it's all a competition. A stupid one where they get loans and credit and struggle to keep up with the payments while purchasing new dresses for night's out to post online every week. Sorry I've started to rant! I just roll my eyes at most people these days.

HoorayItsTheHolidays · 04/08/2019 18:43

Can I just ask if most of the people who have posted so far about how content they are, have kids?

DonttouchthatLarry · 04/08/2019 18:44

I read a great quote from a couple who'd sold up to go travelling in a camper van - they said they'd had enough of "working long hours in jobs we hated to earn money to buy things we didn't need to impress people we didn't like". Sums up a lot of people's existences I would imagine.

I'm not too bothered by material things but do have goals and aspirations eg with my hobbies and being competitive with other people in that way rather than who has the most expensive car .

Bluntness100 · 04/08/2019 18:48

I think it depends on what you have, I see too many envious threads on here,

You can enjoy what you have, but still strive for more. And enjoy that more, even more, particularly when it provides security for your kids and post retirement.

Enjoying the fruits of you labour, working hard for something, providing for your kids when you go, or your retirement, is not something to be sneered st.

growlingbear · 04/08/2019 18:54

YANBU. I find the constant, desperate gran for material tat quite exhausting. DH and I earn a fraction of what our friends and neighbours earn in our leafy Tory village, because we choose to work part time and from home. Our house and car are scruffy and our clothes are ordinary but we earn enough to have great holidays and go out a lot to theatre and gigs and galleries or for dinner to good restaurants. I think striving in life doesn't have to be materialistic. You can have a health goal or family goal, a creative or community one. But so many people just think it has to be the next new car. I find that a bit sad and very dull.

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