To think that being content with what you have is unfashionable?

[LittleFairywren]

I see it all the time. People around me are always striving for the next house move, the next new car, the next item of designer clothing, the next child. Nothing ever seems to be enough for people these days. I think its a shame that people these days are so busy looking forward to what they need to buy/get/do next that they forget to be content with their lot. Or is it just me?

@Maneandfeathers

Maybe because you're looking at what other people have rather than what you have yourself? It's hard sometimes, lots of my friends have fabulous big houses etc but they also have massive mortgages. Our house is lovely - smaller than many, but our mortgage is tiny.

Maneandfeathers I understand how you feel about the small home. Ours is the size a 20 something year old couple would buy to start with - trouble is we are double this age. A part of me feels we have failed as the majority of our friends have homes at least twice the size and in far nicer locations. I am happy for them but feel sad for us.

Yeah but I guess the rot really sets in when you have a tiny house and massive mortgage @BenWillbondsPants 😭

Faith I wonder if your exhaustion could be the major issue here? As in, things are a struggle because of that, but you're attributing it to other factors because you assume that's what it's about.

@Passthecherrycoke that's a fair point. I do get what you mean, it sticks in your throat sometimes doesn't it. But I do try to think how lucky we are to have somewhere nice to live at all.

@Faith50 I feel similar to you. As though we have done something ‘wrong’ as everyone else seems to have done better than us. We will be able to afford to move eventually but I should just be happy with what we have until then instead of obsessing over rightmove and things we can’t afford.

I always feel like we have failed compared to others although I know that’s not the case and really I should be grateful for how much we do have.

Can I just ask if most of the people who have posted so far about how content they are, have kids?

Yes, two of them. They're lovely, funny, kind and ridiculous.

I grew up in foster care with a lot of dysfunction, stress and abuse. That means that as an adult I've always sought the opposite and built a steady, dependable life for myself and for the DC. I'm sure that's a huge contributing factor in my contentment because I have everything I ever wanted when I was a child. I didn't dream as a little girl of having a huge house or a big car, I dreamed of having a home, roots, a family. I have those things and am the luckiest person on earth. To always be seeking more would be doing myself a huge disservice because I'd run the risk of not appreciating the huge, huge blessings life has given me (and I hate the word blessed, because it's pretentious and a bit wanky, but it's the only word I can find that describes how fortunate I really am).

Completely agree op! As long as I can pay the bills and give my kids what they need, I'm content with that. I love the life I have. I love my job (very lucky I know). I work and am surrounded by materialistic people, I was asked a couple of weeks ago if I was getting a new car as mine is a bit old? Batshit!

I think that consumerism is becoming more unfashionable, however that may be because I'm following a lot of minimalism blogs. This has helped me to be content with what I have and ignore the marketing bullshit that tells me I'm missing out on not owning x,y and z. We value financial stability over the latest whatever.
A lot of people are sucked in by it though.

@HoorayItsTheHolidays
Yes I do. And now that I think about it, probably wouldn't be as content as I am if I didn't have DC

Fudge brownie - sometimes (well, all the time on one level) I feel.like you - i.e. I'm super super happy to have a lovely stable home, two gorgeous children that I adore and a DH who is my soul mate.

But at other times I see that I'm in debt, that I need to pay out again for more swimming lessons, that there is yet another school trip, or bit of uniform we need, etc.. and I can't help wishing I could just win the lottery or get a windfall so I wouldn't have to worry about money.

I do think there is a financial level at which people stop needing/wanting - and that perhaps corresponds to the level at which they can stop worrying about money.

Is love to be content with my lot, but I don't think that can happen when you are worrying about how you will afford x, y, z

'I'd love ...' not 'Is love ..'

I do think there is a financial level at which people stop needing/wanting - and that perhaps corresponds to the level at which they can stop worrying about money.

I agree completely with this; when you're worrying about money it puts a shadow over everything, and you learn to almost just accept that shadow being part of everything you do and think. Not having that shadow, having that security plays a huge part in how settled and content you are.

@maneandfeathers

It sounds like binning social media might be a good place to start. It is specifically designed to inspire envy, so that potential consumers can be sold to advertisers.

It's not just you.
I think I used to be too much like always looking for the next upgrade with everything (apart from DH obviously) .

Now I am the most content i have ever been, i feel luckily in that, at this moment, there is not one thing I could have that would make any happier or more content.

I'm sure that will change in time, but at the moment, the life I have now is the best.

I agree OP. I grew up in a family without much money (although not in poverty) and I really don’t consider things like multiple holidays a year or the newest phone/car whatever necessities as some people seem to. Of course I haven’t opted out of consumerism completely - I buy stuff because I like the buzz of a new pair of shoes/clothes/a houseplant etc.

On the flip side I rent my little flat (my first home alone) in zone 3 London, love my job, have a few savings and generally feel brilliant. I’m planning on asking my landlord if he’d sell me the flat perhaps in a year or so or if not, staying in this area to buy for security as it’s a bit more affordable. Then I plan to stay in whatever flat I buy indefinitely - perhaps not forever as there may come a time when I can’t walk up stairs anymore or move with my job. People look at me like I’m bonkers when I say that. But I adore my flat, weird layout and grotty stairwell and all. I don’t want spare rooms that I won’t use, it’s more to clean! It’s all I need and I see absolutely no reason to try and upgrade my home just for the sake of it. I already feel hugely privileged to live alone at 29 as all of my friends in London bar none are sharing (which I did for 5 years previously). I know some people would think I’m in an awful situation but I’m honestly loving life

I value the things I've got - not the things I haven't. I don't really know anyone who values "stuff" over health, quality of life etc but then I live in a rural area and a lot of the people I'm friends with, or work with, live here because they're outdoorsy and they're not people who think cars/houses/expensive clothes are important.

I think it is possible to step off the merry-go-round of feeling like you need to keep up with other people and ditching social media probably helps.

FWIW we have children, a small house we've made the best of, a 17 year old car which we love because although it's old and battered it's reliable, we have enough money to pay household bills but not enough to eat out or go on holiday every year. On the other hand we live somewhere that's beautiful and that other people come on holiday to and we appreciate living here all year round.

HoorayItsTheHolidays
Can I just ask if most of the people who have posted so far about how content they are, have kids?

Yes. Well, they have all left him now and two have children of their own, but I had three with my previous husband.

They got used to the words, "I'm sorry, darling, we just don't have the money for (whatever the mostest latest school must-have was)" and having to wear the clothes we could afford not the ones we would have liked to get them, and holidays ditto. We always had to be what my Scots granny called "careful" and anyone else would call "stingy". They got lots of my time, and lots of hugs and trips to places, but very few Things.

All three seem to be reasonably happy with what they have now, and not constantly buying things-for-things'-sake, so it may actually have been good training for life! I can hope, anyway.

left home, dammit, not left him! I hate hate hate predictive text.