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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that being content with what you have is unfashionable?

69 replies

LittleFairywren · 04/08/2019 17:39

I see it all the time. People around me are always striving for the next house move, the next new car, the next item of designer clothing, the next child. Nothing ever seems to be enough for people these days. I think its a shame that people these days are so busy looking forward to what they need to buy/get/do next that they forget to be content with their lot. Or is it just me?

OP posts:
growlingbear · 04/08/2019 18:54

grab not gran! Grin

MorningHair · 04/08/2019 19:03

There's a whole economic system predicated on trying to encourage people not to be content with what they have.

Yup. Though, actually the 'happiness industry' supposedly focused on wellbeing and contentment in the form of yoga/wellness/mindfulness classes and retreats and associated clothes/accessories, meditation apps, self-help books is pretty invested in selling you 'lifestyle' stuff while looking as if it is promoting contentment.

I went on Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop website for a laugh recently -- she has a £90 box of 12 bamboo toothbrushes and a £192 'Large Standard Singing Bowl Set' to 'help with your meditation practice', apparently.Grin

boosterrooster · 04/08/2019 19:20

I'm very content with what I have and it almost bothers people!

We didn't have much money growing up so think I have more realistic expectations than some of my friends and my DH and appreciate things a lot more than some. A holiday in the sun every second year as opposed to every single year is luxury enough for me. As is my average car.

A friend of mine feels hard done by at the moment as they can't afford a holiday abroad this year....because they just bought a new Jeep and were already away twice this year but didn't leave the country which doesn't count apparently! Others have taken out loans for holidays and materialistic things like dyson vacuum cleaners. A friend got married in Portugal, spent 2 weeks there for the festivities but HAD to have a separate honeymoon, in Thailand. For 2 weeks.

Bedsidedrawer · 04/08/2019 19:23

Material shit doesn't bother me. We all end up in a box so who gives a crap what car you drove.
I strive to better myself mentally, physically and spiritually. Love my DH and children.
That will do me

adaline · 04/08/2019 19:27

I agree with you to an extent, but the human race would never really progress if nobody tried to better themselves/their situation/society at large.

HorridHenrysNits · 04/08/2019 19:31

It's the idea that bettering yourself means a bigger house than you need or a different type of car that's the problem. And it really is. Our levels of consumption are doing the very opposite of bettering society at large.

Love51 · 04/08/2019 19:31

DonttouchthatLarry your mates nicked that quote from Fight Club

flapjackfairy · 04/08/2019 19:39

I read a book by Oliver James called Afluenza. He went round the world and looked at various societies and found that the more materialistic the society the higher the dissatisfaction was. And mental health issues were far greater as well. V interesting read .

FudgeBrownie2019 · 04/08/2019 19:39

Where we live (little village in the Midlands, quite well-to-do but a little Hooray-Henry-ish) there's a definite air of "where will you move to next" from the friends in our generation. We've been here for 12 years and have no plans to move for at least ten years since the DC are so settled in schools and clubs. It's unheard of to remain in the same place for so long, and not to engage in the whole bigger-better-more thing. Our house is lovely, has plenty of space for us all and the reason we bought it was so we could raise the DC here; moving would be just for the sake of it.

I'm materialistic in some ways; I love holidays and travelling with the DC, so a large portion of our money goes on that. But there's no competition; I'm entirely content with my life as it is. It's a conscious choice to disengage with it. And I think it probably makes for a happier life.

Juststopit · 04/08/2019 19:43

I’ve spent years wishing I had a better car, bigger house, better clothes and haircut etc etc. It’s affected my mental health. I’ve ditched my snobbish exh and his competitive family, downsized and swooped to a job with less money and I couldn’t feel more happy. I have a little run around car, but what I can second hand and just live very simply. I love it. This is the first time I have felt content with my lot. Kids are happier too as they have more time with me and are doing so much better in school etc.

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 04/08/2019 19:47

I don't know. I think it's important to have goals to strive for, things to achieve. For some, these may be financially motivated, others career or hobby based. But it is important to keep these aspirations realistic and make sure they don't stop you from enjoying your life. I am very content with what I have, my life is lovely, but I still want to achieve more in many aspects of it before I check out. It's not about not being content, it's just the way I'm made.

Frouby · 04/08/2019 19:53

As I get older I am finding I want less and less.

I am not interested in flash cars or owning a property. I have no interest in designer clothes, functional and comfortable these days. I don't do beauty treatments. Basic skincare and makeup on special occasions. My house is comfortable, clean and tidy. Nothing is replaced unless it is broken and irreparable. I have very little interest in going out out. Once a year and that's me done.

I am 41. Lots of people my age are constantly upgrading, upsizing, buying new cars, flash holidays, beauty treatments, designer brands, latest gadgets and gizmos. I find it baffling and in some cases obscene.

FizzBuzzBangWoof · 04/08/2019 19:59

YANBU

I can't believe how many seemingly intelligent people get dragged in to 'keeping up with the Joneses' type consumerism

Gin96 · 04/08/2019 20:00

I am very content with my lot and yes I have children. I have everything I need my health, my families health, I have a nice home and don’t want to move. I’m not bothered about expensive holidays, i’ve been round the world twice and have had some fantastic holidays so now i’m quite happy to stay in the UK, not bothered about cars, just as long as it does the job I need it to do. Expensive clothes do not interest me at all. I do like going to the theatre. I do like a nice meal out every now and then. I am very lucky to own my own home and nearly paid off my mortgage. I have friends who are millionaires and I don’t see they are any happier than me, money brings it’s own problems and responsibilities and I have seen people come into money and it has made them miserable, they could buy whatever they wanted but when they got it they didn’t want it anymore, their marriage went down the pan because of money. Be careful watch you wish for as they say

Passthecherrycoke · 04/08/2019 20:05

I wish I was more content, I’m a bit erratic- I try to achieve but never quite get it right. Thing is I see people who do strive for more being successful so I know focus works. It does mean you’re never content though. I think you just have to learn to squash the discontent into a smaller part of your brain and don’t let it take over

FilthyforFirth · 04/08/2019 20:14

I'm guilty of this OP. I think it is half useful, I am good at reaching goals i.e. was unhappy with my job so have changed careers in my mid 30s and feel so settled that I may well stay in this job until I retire.

It can be exhausting as well though. I constantly worry that I havent achieved what I should have, family wise for example. I know I want a 2nd child but it is taking a while and I wish I was happier with the current way things are. I am working on it.

BenWillbondsPants · 04/08/2019 20:22

especially if the mantra being pushed on social media, the TV etc is that you must have 'x' to be truly happy.

That may be true but only if you buy into it. We all know it's mostly bullshit but sometimes we forget that.

FaerieKiss · 04/08/2019 20:26

I am content with my life. Admittedly, we are financially comfortable which means I only need to work part time in a job I enjoy, which is a privilege. We could afford a flashier house but our home is a pretty, period house which we have carefully renovated over the years. My car is 10 years old but it's a rare, special edition Mini which I'd had my eye on for ages and I absolutely love it. I wouldn't dream of swapping it for a brand new BMW or anything like that.

I find conspicuous consumption very unappealing and souless.

frenchknitting · 04/08/2019 20:36

I read a great quote from a couple who'd sold up to go travelling in a camper van - they said they'd had enough of "working long hours in jobs we hated to earn money to buy things we didn't need to impress people we didn't like". Sums up a lot of people's existences I would imagine.

Isn't that the exact opposite of being content with what you have? Constantly on the move, seeking out the next cool place? You could argue that someone who is content with what they have would stay in the dull job, and take pleasure in the little things.

Personally, I think people who are truly content are too chilled to get judgemental about people who derive satisfaction from a new car or a handbag.

I also think it is a fixed personality trait. Some people will reconcile themselves to any situation and find a way to make the most of it. Some people will always want a bit more.

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 04/08/2019 20:42

Tbh I wouldn't trust anyone who uses quotes from Fight Club as the holy grail of how to live.

Faith50 · 04/08/2019 20:42

Interesting post.

We have been unable to move to the bigger house and I am trying to accept life in what was to be our starter home. Our salaries have not jumped up enough to enable us to buy a three or four bed decent size home.

We have a decent family car.

We both work full-time and are exhausted the majority of the time.

I buy clothes in low end high street shops such as H and M, New Look, Oasis and secretly wish to shop in Ted Baker, All Saints, Reiss, Cos.

I am beginning to appreciate life and stop to smell the roses. My parents struggled financially which has deeply affected my relationship with money.

PancakeAndKeith · 04/08/2019 20:51

Can I just ask if most of the people who have posted so far about how content they are, have kids?

No. I couldn’t have children and I think that having to face that (when you want children) makes you look very hard at what makes you happy.

Cryalot2 · 04/08/2019 20:56

I only wish my adult kids would settle down.
But generally I am ok with my lot ( its not easy at times) but I have no desire for grand homes, riches or anything.
As long as my family and dog are happy and well I can cope.

Maneandfeathers · 04/08/2019 20:56

I’ll admit this could be written about me.

I don’t know why I am like this but I am.
I always feel I would be happier if I had something else. At the moment it’s a new home, we are cramped and squashed and I feel like somewhere larger would make us happier. I visit my friends in huge immaculate houses and it makes me embarrassed of what I have to the point I don’t invite people round any more.

I have horses (a privialige lots couldn’t afford in itself!) but my Instagram and Facebook is full of people winning more than I am, doing better than I am etc and it’s a never ending circle of buying things to make me more competitive or to give me an edge but in reality what I need to do is work harder with what I have.

I have a lovely DH, amazing healthy DC, two cars, our own (tiny) home in a nice area, horses, dogs, jobs we both enjoy, friends, time to myself...

So why do these material things bother me so much Confused

Crankybitch · 04/08/2019 21:02

I used to be a bit like that

Now I am not so much

We have some sofas I want to change the colour of - we have the money to buy new ones but they have hardly been used and I just think it’s so bad for the environment to change things all the time just “because”. That maybe an age thing though...