Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not wNt his entire family for Sunday tea around yet again?

78 replies

CarafeOfTheFinestWine · 04/08/2019 13:51

Dh likes to invite his mum, dad, grownup kids and ex wife round for dinner every bloody Sunday. He doesn most of the work, though I end up helping and tidying up. The ex usually helps tidy up too.

I don’t mind it now and then but it’s every bloody week. Last week there was an extra 3 with hangers on .

It eats into the day and is expensive. I get he wants to see the kids who invite their mum otherwise she’d be ‘sat on her own’. I’d like to break the habit. I like and get on with them all, but they aren’t my family,,!,

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 04/08/2019 13:53

Move to once a month?

Seeleyboo · 04/08/2019 13:55

Offer to have it at each others places alternately. Yours. The ex. The grown up kids etc.

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/08/2019 13:56

Actually that’s better.

Rachelover40 · 04/08/2019 13:59

Drop one Sunday lunch and eventually another, so you host them twice a month. It's a lovely thing to do and, as you say, your husband does most of the work but it's still an encroachment on your time. I think twice a month is sufficient.

Atlasta · 04/08/2019 14:00

I'd be firm with DH. It's really not on.
I'd say you don't mind hosting a Sunday dinner once a month but not every week.
If he won't back down I'd be out for the next few weeks doing my own thing and leave him to it.
Have you suggested maybe meeting in a restaurant on X date (a few weeks away)for a 'change'?
Am sure DH could arrange to do something other than dinner at your house every Sunday.

OldGrinch · 04/08/2019 14:01

No advice to offer but sending you my sympathy. That sounds like an absolute nightmare. I love my Sundays and this would be my idea of hell. It's totally unreasonable for you to have to host every weekend. Once a month would be fine. Why can't the others host and you all take turns?

simplekindoflife · 04/08/2019 14:04

Every bloody week?! Most people host that many people once a year?!! Madness!

Doesn't anyone else offer to host? What a bunch of freeloaders! Do they bring any food with them or offer any money towards the cost of it?

And why is the ex there??

Just a thousand nos from me... Confused

InTheHeatofLisbon · 04/08/2019 14:08

That would be really expensive OP, especially weekly.

Can't it rotate round different houses so it's not always your house? PIL, ex wife, adult children? Surely they could go round each other's houses to even it out a bit?

I've put my foot down about Christmas with BIL and SIL because after 8 years I've had enough of paying for it all, me and DP doing all the planning, cooking, cleaning up and paying for it all.

I'd have lost my shit long before now if it was weekly!

Pipandmum · 04/08/2019 14:09

We had my parents around for Sunday lunch every week. But just them. And it meant my hubby who loved to cook could do a big meal. Plus he loved my parents.
As his kids are grown up I don’t see why they can’t host the Sunday ritual. And really don’t get the ex coming unless you get in with her really well.
What about your parents? Can you say you’d like them to come over of a Sunday?
Regardless I’d tell your husband you’d like it to be every other weekend.

sophiestew · 04/08/2019 14:10

YANBU

Once a month is more than enough tbh.

Pellegrinopolly · 04/08/2019 14:14

I think it's great but every week is too much, especially if you are both working full time. Will he compromise on the number of invitations per month? Once at yours and once at theirs would be good!

Tooner · 04/08/2019 14:22

God what a nightmare. No way would I put up with this, I would be demented knowing every bloody Sunday would be the same thing. So unfair on you. Do any of them ever offer to return the favour. It must cost a fortune.

I would be taking myself off out on a Sunday, no playing the perfect host and no tidying up after.

MrsExpo · 04/08/2019 14:26

WTF!! Noooo!! Put your foot down firmly and drop it to once a month. He can catch up with his grown up kids some other way ... maybe a meal out somewhere. Why the heck is the ex coming along? Won't kill her to "sit on her own" for an hour or two.

Arrange for you both to be doing something else next weekend.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 04/08/2019 14:28

My husband doesn't have an ex wife, but if he did I'm fairly sure I wouldn't care if she was left on her own for an afternoon!
There is something about this setup that seems quite bullying to me and I wouldn't like it at all.

Durgasarrow · 04/08/2019 14:30

Advice: Tell him you want more free Sunday afternoons. If he wants to keep hosting Sunday dinners, let him, but start making plans to do something fun to do fun things like go to films, a museum, a nature walk, shopping, etc, leaving him with all the work. He'll get the idea.

FamilyOfAliens · 04/08/2019 14:31

There is something about this setup that seems quite bullying to me and I wouldn't like it at all.

Completely agree with this. They know you’re not happy about it and they just don’t care.

HaileySherman · 04/08/2019 14:32

If you don't mind it sometimes, maybe make a compromise with your husband for one or two times per month, rather than EVERY week? I think hosting a get-together of that magnitude weekly is crazy. Another great suggestion from another poster is to rotate who hosts. Also if the expense is too much, suggest pot luck? It's popular here in the U.S., not sure if it's considered tacky elsewhere. When my kids were young we had a large-ish play group that was very close-knit, we vacationed togethered, got together for adults only times, etc. We rotated homes and brought food usually, sometimes ordered out. Point being no ONE home or family was overburdened.

EdWinchester · 04/08/2019 14:34

Every Sunday? How tedious.

Move it to once a month.

EKGEMS · 04/08/2019 14:35

His ex as well????

buttertoasty · 04/08/2019 14:36

Good grief that's awful. I hate it when things become a fixed routine and frankly once a week is excessive. As his DC get partners and their own children will this continue?!

You need to be firm, could he go to his parents and cook there if he is still desperate to do it? Then you can chill at home and just go once a month?

fraxion · 04/08/2019 14:36

I absolutely would not put up with this, even once a month. Sunday is the only full day we get to spend together. And as much as I like and get on my with husband's ex wife I draw the line at her coming to dinner.

Outsomnia · 04/08/2019 14:39

The ex wife attending would be a bit much for me, but maybe you all jog along fine!

I can never understand how some people just seem to decide that "we will be going to Carafe's for Sunday lunch" without ever thinking that you might like a bit of time with your husband.

Methinks you might have a husband issue rather than an ex-family thing now.

Does your husband and his family respect you? If so they would leave you a bit of free time with your husband. But it seems they don't.

Foot down time love.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 04/08/2019 14:39

God no, the relentless boredom of doing and seeing the same people every bloody Sunday would drive me up the wall. I think you should suggest cutting it back to once a month and maybe your DH could see his DC on his own at other times or the two of you could meet them out for a meal. If your DH won't budge, I would opt out and do my own thing, but really he shouldn't get to impose this on you in your home every week.

WorraLiberty · 04/08/2019 14:41

So many people are going to jump on the fact the ex is there but that's not what the OP is about.

I agree with others who say try to rotate it or cut down to once a month.

Or even go out to eat together?

eddielizzard · 04/08/2019 14:45

I'd plan something for next week Sunday, like going away for the day to visit friends. Then every second Sunday have something on so they get used to coming every fortnight, then keep stretching the time until you no longer feel resentful.

Have you talked to your DH about it? And what did he say?