To not wNt his entire family for Sunday tea around yet again?

[CarafeOfTheFinestWine]

Dh likes to invite his mum, dad, grownup kids and ex wife round for dinner every bloody Sunday. He doesn most of the work, though I end up helping and tidying up. The ex usually helps tidy up too.

I don’t mind it now and then but it’s every bloody week. Last week there was an extra 3 with hangers on .

It eats into the day and is expensive. I get he wants to see the kids who invite their mum otherwise she’d be ‘sat on her own’. I’d like to break the habit. I like and get on with them all, but they aren’t my family,,!,

Could you change it to brunch so they leave earlier?

Never! Why is Ex in your life? Are you going to invite her husband next?

And yes Ex wife needs to be sat on her own. That way she will get her own life!

Lots, Worra... because that is always the thing, regardless of what the issue actually was/is. 'Ex Wife' has the same power and dread as 'Avada cadavera', apparently.

What happens at Christmas?

i'm astounded that you've just been going along with this - for how long???
You've never had your own friends/family round for sunday lunch?
Time to yourselves on a sunday?

I'd be doing my own thing if he didn't compromise, actually i'd have done it from the start instead of tolerating this piss-take.

God every single week would drain me, even if DH was doing all the cooking! Every other week is more than enough as a compromise. Just tell your DH that it's getting too mundane and you'd like to do ring the changes by having a pub lunch/picnic/takeaway a couple of times a month so that the two of you get to relax together. And if the grown up kids and the ex don't like it maybe they could take turns in having the two of you over for lunch sometimes.

This would drive me bananas.

I think you suggest - Every month you host the other 3 weeks they work it out and you go to there’s.

And it must be costing a fortune...

So many people are going to jump on the fact the ex is there but that's not what the OP is about.

I think people are more puzzled by the fact that it’s apparently the responsibility of the OP and her DH to ensure that ex isn’t “sat on her own”. Unless she’s 6 years old, this seems a very odd level of responsibility to be taking on.

Wait.... never mind the inviting his family round but his ex wife?? That's so fucked up. My boyfriend has never even been in his ex's house when picking up his daughter and theyve been broke up for 5 years . I'm sorry but u dont do that,the ex wife shouldnt be anywhere near your house in my opinion, if my boyfriend even suggested that with his ex comin round for dinner he would be told to go and fuck himself

It is nice that he wants to see his adult children and get everyone together, but every week is far too much.
Could you start by suggesting every other weekend off.

I do think that so long as everyone gets along, the ex shouldn’t be an issue. My parents frequently end up hosting each other when we all get together, despite being divorced for almost 20 years. I know us “children” appreciate it and I have a lot of respect for my step mum for how much she has put up with my mum.

Once a month. That’s the way to go.
He’s a nob to think you want to spend your every Sunday doing the same thing with his family and his ex. I’m very impressed that you all get along...keep it that way and prune the visits.

@Sjoe456 why is it f*cked up? I know everyone’s circumstances are different and obviously sometimes there are things like abuse that has happened, but the OP hasn’t suggested there was anything like that.
The OH and his ex have had children together, why can’t they go to each others’ houses?

No way! Once a month max - personally I would only go for maybe four times a year. And I certainly would not have the ex there - jeezo!

What do you mean by tea? Cup of tea, sandwiches and a slice of cake is one thing. Roast dinner with all the trimmings is quite another!

Either way YANBU, I'd hate to have all that on the afternoon / evening before going into a new working week.

Time to take turns. Next time, I would smile at the group and say 'whos hosting next week then?' After the flurry of excuses, suggest that you reduce it to once a month then, so it isn't such a burden on any one person. If they don't then take the hint, go out as a couple for the next three Sundays so you aren't available. This will probably be cheaper.

@SuperheroBirds He told me he hasnt invited her into the house once. Told me one time the little girl said "can I show dad my new room" and she said no... I would personally do the same if I had a child with someone theres not a chance on this earth they would be even in my house .. an ex is an ex for a reason it should be strictly parenting and nothing else

@SuperheroBirds He told me he hasnt invited her into the house once. Told me one time the little girl said "can I show dad my new room" and she said no... I would personally do the same if I had a child with someone theres not a chance on this earth they would be even in my house .. an ex is an ex for a reason it should be strictly parenting and nothing else

Lots of people are mature enough to move on to having a friendly relationship with their ex.

@Sjoe456 you sound incredibly immature. I take it you are the reason he is not allowed over the threshold?

@Sjoe456 I still don’t understand why you would be like that (barring things like emotional or physical abuse). Isn’t it sad that a little girl can’t show her dad her new room? Surely if you choose to have a child with someone you are choosing to intertwine your lives because of that child. They may be an ex partner for a reason, but they don’t become an ex parent, and sometimes it might be better for the children to all be together (occasionally, not every week!)

Back to the OP, I like the suggestion of throwing it back to everyone else. Maybe try saying something (if your OH is happy with it) like “we do next weekend, but would be free the week after if any of you fancy hosting us then”. It sounds like you could do with cutting down on both the frequency and the hosting.

Honestly, I'm surprised they all want to come over every week! I love my family, but as an adult there's no way I'd want to give up a chunk of each weekend to visit them, unless there were special circumstances (e.g. someone seriously ill, someone about to move far away).

Alternating hosts sounds good, but I imagine there's a reason that won't work (not enough space, too much expense/trouble to ask someone else to do it). I'd at least ask that he try to keep the costs down by making some of the meals light or inexpensive. That won't solve the problem of it taking over your Sundays, though. For that, I think I'd just have to come up with plans that meant I wouldn't be there every week. I'd be frustrated, though... It's your home, too, after all!

Maybe he could invite himself over to visit his children for a couple hours, instead... Or agree to meet them somewhere else...

Its nothing to do with me they dont have a good relationship! Even for the kid.. sometimes she doesnt even come to the door, but I dont think ex's should be in each others house?? He agrees with me to he says she would never be in our house

Meh, it's not about the ex wife and if her and OP get on enough to have a weekly Sunday lunch together, and she helps clear up with OPs dp then that's not the issue.

The issue is the dps family descending each week on a Sunday and the OP doesn't want to be sociable to his family every bloody Sunday. I wouldn't either!

What about the OP's family, do THEY ever get Sunday lunch cooked for them - or an alternative, as it looks like DH's family have blocked booked every Sunday?

'ex can't be left to sit on her own for a few hours' how old is she fgs? she could be out doing something far more exciting surely.