3 year old granddaughter doesn't like me

[grandmagorgeous]

I wondered if any of you lovely ladies have come across this as I am finding it really upsetting.
I have a beautiful, almost 3 year old granddaughter, who I love with all my heart. I have seen her almost every day since she has been born ( I have a lovely close relationship with my daughter and son in law)! In the past month my granddaughter has decided she doesn't like me. She tells me 'I don't like you' pulls her face and scowls at me. Her parents tell her off for this but it just carries on. I'm finding it heartbreaking. She will sit with anyone but me. She doesn't do this when there is just the two of us. Anyone come across situation before? xx

'It is heart breaking'

No it isn't, don't be so ridiculous. She's 3! Some of you are ridiculously over sensitive about things toddlers do and say. Just say 'that's not a very nice thing to say' and move on.

Yes I’ve hugely come across this with my own children and their GPs; it means nothing - please don’t think it’s genuinely you.

Be kind and attentive but don’t fuss/suffocate her. Children this age like being trusted to do things by adults; try this with her perhaps (e.g. pouring, spreading, measuring, wiping, jigsaws) and she will enjoy your time together.

PPs make a good point; often children say ‘I don’t like you’ when they mean ‘I need a break from you’. Perhaps a little aloofness would help?

@mussolini9

Yes, I think the OP is spending too much time at her daughter's house, it's way over the top

Eh? The OP herself seems perfectly fine with it. Why would somebody else's arrangement with her mother bother you so much?

Actually the OP is the grandmother not the daughter and the visiting seem a bit OTT tbh. That would drive me mad if my mother visited me every day as much as I love her. If the op is doing childcare 5 days a week why would she then need to see her gc at weekends. Do they get to do things as a separate family unit. Otoh there may be a perfectly reasonable explanation for this

Sit it out. Be firm about manners. I have a photo of the injury caused when my then-toddler dgd pinched me. Five fingertip bruises, deep purple in shade! She meant business! She is now seven. We get along wonderfully and spend a lot of time together. Stay calm, it will be fine.

And take no notice of people who want to regulate how often you visit your dd. It’s down to culture, opportunity and your personal preferences. My background is white working class ( doesn’t exist any more) and daily visits were the norm, absolutely expected.

I don't think the sarcastic comments about it being ok to provide childcare are helpful.. every day for three years suggests it's on weekends too!
This might work for some people but I'm a living example of a similar setup where nan was literally here every day, a 5 minute walk around the corner.. one of my earliest memories is mum hiding behind red living room curtains for a "day off" telling me to shush as if we weren't in!
Some families benefit from closeness to this level.. some don't.
I simply suggested that the op considers it and if I'm just projecting, fine... But my man considered us all "tight knit", ignoring our family need to actually have memories of just us and parents. I actually can't really remember any one on one memories of me and dad as a child because nan (whom I love!!) Was always there.

I think you’re being daft to get upset about it

She is saying the type of thing that a child of her age might say to their parent/s. Try to laugh it off and take it as a compliment that she is so familiar with you that she feels safe enough to push your buttons in this way. If you can't do that and her words still affect you so strongly then I suggest cutting down on the visits until this phase (for that is what it is) is over.

My DS done this with my DM. They both adore MIL but MIL has fun games, doesn't smother.
It is a phase it will pass, next time she calls maybe get a tea set, don't ask her play but let her see you playing, I bet she'll join in.

My mum has had this from one of her GC as well. Also whining (loudly) to my mum that she wants her other granny! It's not to be taken seriously.

In yr one my DD wanted to swap me with her teacher!She had it all worked out,it was only when I pointed out that she wouldn't see my parents again that she reconsidered.

I think you’re being daft to get upset about it

I genuinely don't understand why so many posters are telling the OP this. If she's upset, she's upset. It's hurtful for her. Children must be allowed to express their feelings and not repress them, in case they grow up unable to express emotions, but adults should pretend they're fine with having hurtful things said? There's a bit of a disconnect there.

Hello all
By all means limit your visits so that you gain rarity value. Try these interpersonal hints?
Check your po

It is a phase. It will pass. You need to make yourself interesting.

I wouldn't take it personally (I know, easier said than done!) I was babysitting the other day and the 3 year old little boy told me I wasn't his friend and I wasn't coming to his party! I hadn't done anything to offend him, it's just an age for testing their power, and realising that words are powerful. I would either ignore completely or respond with something very bland and either distract her with a suggestion of looking at a book or playing a game, or move away from her and give her space while you get on with something else.

So sorry, I had nieces in the brain! Grand daughter it is.
All the best, fidgi

My three year old is going through a similar thing with both grannies. If me and DH aren't around, they are best buddies; the moment we are home that's it : 'I don't want granny'. It's a phase, will pass. Don't worry about it too much.

DD1 spent two weeks despising DH. She's also 3. He used to just respond that he didn't want a hug anyway because she smelt of stinky feet or that he was going to do something cool over there anyway.

He couldn't do anything with her. Hug her, talk to her, assist her with anything at all.

Then the other day at the park she snapped out of it and he was the only one she wanted to play with and be with her etc.

Toddlers are fickle creatures.

Boohoo my gd says she doesn't like me.
You've seen her almost every single day since she has been born????
Woman you need a hobby/tinder account

And the award for the most fatuous comment goes to ..............

Thank you ladies for your replies I neither want or need tinder!! I am happily married
I think I am going to take your advice and ignore it and put it down to a phase she will grow out of x

adults should pretend they're fine with having hurtful things said?
The difference is that adults know that 3 year olds talk quite a load of nonsense and often go through phases of saying they don’t like someone. Normally it’s for the weirdest reasons as PP have said like ‘you have stinky feet’ or ‘you’re a stupid head’ or whatever. Adults know context and know that these things are just silly child things that shouldn’t be taken seriously. It is not the same as a child.

Sigh. She is three years old. Three. Come back when she's a teenager /adult and says the same thing.

Same happened to my mum with my nearly 3 year old. Daughter told my mum "nanny yucky, I don't like nanny"
Agree:
-its just a phase testing relationship, boundries;
-tell her "but I like you lots and lots and was looking forward to playing ring a ring a Rose's with you (her fav game);
-do give her some space;

Its hurtful when she first said it. But, hubby and I didnt give it too much attention and said that's quite hurtful and gave nanny a hug in front of her and left it at that. Now, she wont leave nanny alone and follows her everywhere. When asked why are you following nanny, she says " because I like you".

Another one saying it does seem to be a phase that a lot of children go through. My Ds did exact the same with my DM, no idea why.

It really does pass in time

grandmagorgeous, I'm glad you are being sensible about your granddaughter's words - which will pass before too long.