3 year old granddaughter doesn't like me

[grandmagorgeous]

I wondered if any of you lovely ladies have come across this as I am finding it really upsetting.
I have a beautiful, almost 3 year old granddaughter, who I love with all my heart. I have seen her almost every day since she has been born ( I have a lovely close relationship with my daughter and son in law)! In the past month my granddaughter has decided she doesn't like me. She tells me 'I don't like you' pulls her face and scowls at me. Her parents tell her off for this but it just carries on. I'm finding it heartbreaking. She will sit with anyone but me. She doesn't do this when there is just the two of us. Anyone come across situation before? xx

In my experience little ones say this to people that they have a secure bond with and actually love very much. They are testing out what happens when they say it, and so choose a safe person to test with. The best thing to do is say OK, but I love you to the moon and back, or I dont like what you said to me, because it wasn't very nice, but I do love you and I always will

She is just pushing at boundaries and is too young to really understand the impact of her words.
I would reply, “well that makes me very sad, because I love you a lot”. Just use a matter of fact voice and try to move on. It will be come boring soon and, like all kids, she will soon latch on to something else.

I really think she is going through a phase so don't let it get to you.
When she says it next time, just say,oh okay ile go home then.
But remember that I love you sooooo much.
Ideally when your about to go anyway.

TheSheepofWallSt
Also- some of the responses here are horribly egocentric and very mean spirited- check yourselves honestly- child development isn’t about gratifying adults, it’s about learning!

I would not have allowed either of my children to say something like that to anyone else, including to another child. They both grew up to be normal loving respectful adults.

Yes, I think the OP is spending too much time at her daughter's house, it's way over the top. But... adults are entitled to have feelings and be hurt by something like this. I can't imagine a grandfather being told "oh, suck it up, love bomb her when she's being horrible to you". WTF? Females must be a doormat for everyone, even toddlers? How is she to learn that other people have feelings?

She is testing out a social phrase, maybe she has heard another child say it, and she is doing it with someone she feels very safe and secure with. It's a phase that will pass. I would respond as others have suggested, a matter of fact 'that's a shame because I love you very much' and move on.

Definalty not you op, definalty a phase but I'd cut down visits a little? Maybe a week!

Don't try and grab her or approach her let her come to you.

@Juells

So you wouldn’t have allowed your children freedom of emotional expression?! That they can’t express when they feel a negative emotion?

THATS how people learn to be doormats- when they’re punished for emotional honesty.
THATS why women stay in awful relationships- because they’ve been taught from dot to suppress their ability to say when their emotional needs are not being met/ they feel something negative/ they’re unhappy.

And yes I would say it to a grandfather. This isn’t about gender. It’s about adults and children.

Just say well that’s a shame cos I love you. It’s just a phase.
My daughter wouldn’t go near my sister for ages.
She’ll come round.

Every day!?!
Maybe she wants some alone time with her mummy. You may mean well, but that would be too much for me

So you wouldn’t have allowed your children freedom of emotional expression?! That they can’t express when they feel a negative emotion?

Not the same thing, children always let you know exactly how they feel. But they need to learn that other people have feelings too, and if they tell someone they don't like them, that person can choose not to stay and listen to it. What are you going to do if the child goes on to tell playmates "I don't like you"? They'll soon run out of other children to play with.

Over the first few years don't children have to learn that other people are separate from them, they're not the centre of the world, and that actions have consequences? Responding to "I don't like you" with assurances of love is some weird twisted shit as far as I'm concerned.

@Juells

If caregivers (which is what a grandmother visiting daily is) showing unconditional love to 3 years olds is “weird twisted shit” then I think you may be the one with the atypical responses.

To each their own though!

At 3 she is only just learning that others have thoughts and feelings of their own. No way is she going to be able to understand that nanny loves me and it will hurt her feelings if I tell her that I don't like her. If she keeps saying it then of course it should be explained that it isn't a kind thing to say but I don't agree that children should be made responsible for adult's feelings. They learn that kind of thing best from interacting with peers (with adult guidance). Children need adults to be consistent and supportive unconditionally. They don't need our emotions to deal with as well.

Maybe she's jealous of you taking up her mum's attention? Perhaps try visiting less often. Every day sounds a bit much.

Does she go to nursery? If so she might be exhausted when she gets home and just want to be with mum and dad. 3 year olds can be quite possessive over their parents.

Agree with previous posters saying just laugh it off and tell her you like her. Do you play with her or initiate games she enjoys?

She’s 2 years old. 2 year olds don’t like anyone.

I'd expect her parents to tell her it's not kind.
And I'd be offering to take her somewhere lovely. Just keep making special memories but don't ask her if she loves you, just tell her you love her.

A phase! I remember mine telling his grandma she was smelly . He called everyone, "Smelly", but still.........

Don't worry, she loves you really and it will stop soon.

DS hated me at around that age! He went through a faze where he’d shout in the morning to come out of his room and if it was me that went to him he’d scream “no want you, want daddy” whilst throwing himself on his bed face down.
He’s 10 now and is quite fond of me most of the time

I think it's a toddler thing, my daughter started to do it to me just after she turned 3, she's 3 1/2 and will still say "I don't like you mummy" and will only let my husband do EVERYTHING for her. I find it irritating but there's not much you can do. I'm hoping this phase passes eventually. There's absolutely no reason for her to say it in terms of anything I say or do, she does have a younger brother who is 2 though, who takes up my time and attention so it's possibly that.

I actually remember my own nan collecting me from nursery at around 3 and me saying to her "I don't like you nana, go home". It stuck with my nan until she died when I was 18! Kids are mean, I absolutely loved my nan too!

@ChocolateCroissants

I work away sometimes, and after I’ve been away, at nursery pick up for WEEKS after, DS will wail “but I didn’t want you!!! I wanted Grandma!!!!”

Heartbreaking little sods aren’t they...

But by being there almost every single day for 3 years, are you allowing your offspring room to build their family memories, their unit?

Presumably this will be fine and not an issue if grandma is required to provide daily childcare though?

It's a phase. My niece would cover me in kisses whilst my DM looked on jealously as she had been refused kisses. I didn't actively seek them.

She would also give me a lovely smile when I wanted to photograph her and she'd scowl for Nana.

FFS my mother is around me and DC nearly every day. It's not hurting my relationship with my dc. What an overreaction.

My DC's have all gone through such phases. I'm very mature and tend to respond with "oh good I'm not keen on you either". Tends to make them laugh. I certainly wouldn't let them see it bothers me

That's not nice and she needs to be told to stop doing it.
That's actually the last thing she needs. She is testing boundaries she doesn't yet understand & by telling her off for it, OP would only hand over power that a 3-year old cannot comprehend or handle.
The ONLY right answer - as per PP above - is one that confirms that no matter what she is feeling, OP loves her.

She's old enough to be told to cut it out
She isn't, & it would be counter-productive.
She is only choosing you, OP, because you are a known & SAFE conduit for her to practice this normal developmental stuff of like/don't like on. Try to feel flattered!

Anyone telling her off for it is acknowledging that a 3 year old child can be the boss of them simply by expressing disapproval or dislike of them. Treat it with the disregard it deserves, because it IS a phase, it WILL pass, & she has no idea that her words can actually wound other people. Keep it that way for now.

But by being there almost every single day for 3 years, are you allowing your offspring room to build their family memories, their unit?

Presumably this will be fine and not an issue if grandma is required to provide daily childcare though?

@caroldanvers nice one!

It is heart breaking. I am 100% sure she loves u very much. And will be horrified by her 3 year old behaviour in later life. She is just being an unruly 3 year old. Testing the boundaries and trying to push your buttons. She doesn't full grasp what she is saying and there will be no meaning behind it. Ignore ignore ignore. I think the more u give it attention the more she will do it. I would either just say in a normal tone. "Well that makes me sad I like u and always will. Do u want to....." if she keeps it up i would put her out the room and tell her she cant be with you if she is going to be unkind she has to go play somewhere else. Only people who are being kind can be in the room with the rest of u. Dont get angry. If she has a tantrum. Leave her to scream it out. "You can come back when u stop screaming". That's what I would do. Though it is hard cause its hurtful to hear. Good luck.