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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TO only pay for DCs uni maintenance for 3 years?

103 replies

OliviaCat · 03/08/2019 23:13

We have always said we would only pay for DCs uni maintenance for the duration of a 3 year degree.

We have three DC, all teens.

The eldest now wants to add a year to their arts degree to do a year "in industry" (literature) which looks to me like an unpaid internship through which she pays the uni more fees.

Aibu to say we will still only pay for three years maintenance?

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 04/08/2019 11:17

those of you belittling those who can't pay, you need to open your eyes to other people's financial circumstances

Original poster
OliviaCat · 04/08/2019 11:52

She hasn't worked because she was given a bit of a windfall from an aunt and has lived on that mainly (50k). This Ian lovely for her but again I think it rather a waste.

Yes of course I would do anything for dc but arbitrary the moment I feel we are going to work ourselves into the ground and then drop dead. No wonder people don't want to look after their grandchildren!

OP posts:
sophiestew · 04/08/2019 12:05

She has already taken a gap year but didn't manage to save, and hasn't worked while at uni.

She hasn't worked because she was given a bit of a windfall from an aunt and has lived on that mainly (50k).

YANBU

On that basis I wouldn't be giving her any top up at all!

Original poster
OliviaCat · 04/08/2019 12:06

Yes we could afford it. But I'd really like some nice things for DH and I before we are too old to enjoy it. Nice holidays or a car with Bluetooth or even air conditioning!

And no, parents with 20+ kids did NOT realise we would need to be paying for them to go through university.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 04/08/2019 12:08

She's spent £50 k and not had any paid employment at all?

Sounds like both the 'industry' and she are taking the piss then, tbh.

Ninkaninus · 04/08/2019 12:12

Wow. That £50k could have got her through uni comfortably plus a good portion of it could have been saved for a deposit on a house or flat after uni. I guess hindsight is a wonderful thing!

It’s not really her fault that she’s expecting to be bankrolled, is it - that’s what she’s got used to!

Original poster
OliviaCat · 04/08/2019 12:14

I agree hat unpaid years shouldn't be allowed. I understand that it increases her chance of being taken on by those companies but I can't believe those companies are going to be the best to work for.

It's like unpaid internships are frowned upon but now they are getting away with it by claiming it's a "year in industry".

OP posts:
CustardCreamLover · 04/08/2019 12:15

Perhaps you shouldn't have had 3 children 💁‍♀️

NoSquirrels · 04/08/2019 12:18

The eldest now wants to add a year to their arts degree to do a year "in industry" (literature)

I can’t think of any literature degree that involves a year “in industry”. What is the industry?

I’m afraid I would be a firm no on this. You laid it out at the outset - 3 years funding. In addition, if she’s had £50K inheritance/gift - is that right? Seems loads! Do the others get that too? - then of course it’s reasonable to expect her to fund it.

Greywillow12 · 04/08/2019 12:19

I never expected my parents to pay for me to go through higher education. I sorted student loans and worked part time. Most People I met all did the same.

I definitely won't be paying for everything if my children decided to go to university will help of course. But will not be funding it.

I am hoping they chose alternative ways into employment anyway as I don't think degrees set you apart nowadays.

Original poster
OliviaCat · 04/08/2019 12:19

Well if it helps custard, I DO regret having children. But it's a bit late now I think.

OP posts:
titchy · 04/08/2019 12:22

I’m surprised companies can get away with taking advantage of students like this.

They can't and don't. If it's a year in industry as part of her degree IT WILL BE PAID. If it's not paid, then it's not an official part of her degree.

Ilovemylabrador · 04/08/2019 12:24

I'd check the year out has fees / isn't paid for. But I'm paying for their university courses whatever they decide. Two are likely to do vet med/ medicine -7 years easily. I plan to give it to them -an investment in their education. Same if they want to do a 3 year and an Msc -I can't take my money with me and it just means less inheritance for them!
So I'm paying for their 'university' not just 3 years.

NoSquirrels · 04/08/2019 12:24

I work in the arts. It’s not like medicine/engineering/other practical degrees where experience is the be all and end all. Additional qualifications are nice to have but by no means essential to getting a job. Tons of access routes if you are hard-working, enthusiastic and personable. She’d be better off with a paid part-time job alongside whatever internships she can manage during holidays.

titchy · 04/08/2019 12:25

However we said we would fund one extra year if they wanted to do a Masters. And yes of course yabu if they do medicine or something that needs longer than the standard three.

NoWayDidISayThat · 04/08/2019 12:31

She hasn't worked because she was given a bit of a windfall from an aunt and has lived on that mainly (50k)

😱. YANBU

Normally Id be keen to support a year in industry but she sounds like she is taking the piss.

Ninkaninus · 04/08/2019 12:31

Yes I’m not sure it’s the sort of degree that would benefit from a year out. My daughter works in a technical sector so it was well worth it for the experience. What rationale has she got for wanting to do a year in industry? Have you explored whether it’s just that she wants a year of no exams/coursework/etc? Because unless the internship is really going to benefit her career prospects I’d caution against it. Better bite the bullet, knuckle down and power through the last year, IMO. My daughter had quite a difficult time getting back into the groove of fulltime study after a year out, as well, and she is a highly motivated character who pushes herself. If your daughter isn’t like that I’d worry that she wouldn’t actually go back to complete the last year. I’m only guessing from what you’ve said here though, so I might be way off the mark. How is she doing in general? Has she enjoyed the degree so far? Are her Marks okay? Does she suit academic work or has it been a slog?

saoirse31 · 04/08/2019 12:34

Why do you regret having the. OP? Dont think I'd pay any more tbh. I think she needs to get herself a job, take a year out if necessary. The fact that she's squandered her inheritance while still taking money from you is shocking.

titchy · 04/08/2019 12:38

Has she really pissed £50k up the wall? Shock

stucknoue · 04/08/2019 12:39

We have always known we needed to provide maintenance for university aged kids (means tested) it was like that when I attended university 28 years ago, ok it was a grant but it was means tested and your parents were expected to make up the shortfall. The fees were brought in but everyone gets a loan for them whatever your parental income. A lot of degrees are 4 years but you need to make her get a job through the summer. Years in industry are paid, though on apprentice level wages

ssd · 04/08/2019 13:00

You sound so resentful of your children op. I pity you that.

breakfastpizza · 04/08/2019 13:07

I'd offer a compromise: tell her you didn't include an extra year of school in your financial planning but you'll commit to half the amount so long as she gets a job to pay for the other half.

If she makes a fuss, tell her it will impact on what you can provide for her siblings. No need to go into the specifics of your finances.

ssd · 04/08/2019 13:11

This all seems rather far fetched.
So your dd had a 'bitof a windfall', as you put it, of 50k (😲) and you are driving a car with no air conditioning?
There's a story here.
Did you get nothing?
Did the other teens get 50k?

And if it's true and your teen dd actually got handed 50k before uni, where was the chat about managing money, investment plans etc etc? Was she just let loose with 50k at 18 then?

Original poster
OliviaCat · 04/08/2019 13:32

All of them have the same amount. and no we got nothing. I'm glad for them. That's life. We don't come from a well off family at all so there won't Be any other inheritances. The money was left for further education but they are entirely free to spend it once it transfers to them at 18.

Yes we have failed to properly get the older one to understand the value of money. The others are far more cautious!

OP posts:
Original poster
OliviaCat · 04/08/2019 13:33

She hasn't spent ally of it but that is what she's Living on instead of working.

OP posts: