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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

TO only pay for DCs uni maintenance for 3 years?

103 replies

OliviaCat · 03/08/2019 23:13

We have always said we would only pay for DCs uni maintenance for the duration of a 3 year degree.

We have three DC, all teens.

The eldest now wants to add a year to their arts degree to do a year "in industry" (literature) which looks to me like an unpaid internship through which she pays the uni more fees.

Aibu to say we will still only pay for three years maintenance?

OP posts:

BillThePony · 04/08/2019 09:51

We said no for the 4th because she changed her degree after one year. If she had started a 4 year degree we would have factored it in to our finances

Ninkaninus · 04/08/2019 09:56

Ok to be fair it sounds like she needs to learn to do some work herself and not expect money to just materialise for her at your continued cost and sacrifice. My daughter had a job during A Levels and a job during first and second year of un (it depends on the course, of course - some won’t allow work during term time as it’s too intensive, but I can’t imagine that’s the case on an arts degree).

I think you probably do need to sit her down and tell her that she will need to find a way to earn some money in the industry year.

Ariela · 04/08/2019 09:59

DD is in industry in 3rd year, but gets paid, Uni fees are approx 1/3. (Not sure what for, they've been spectacularly unhelpful in organising the placement).
I can understand a summer internship being unpaid, but a year's placement unpaid is taking the P.

Ninkaninus · 04/08/2019 10:02

I agree, it’s utterly ludicrous that they expect a year of unpaid work!

ssd · 04/08/2019 10:03

Why hadn't she worked whilst being at uni?

Tadpoletofrog · 04/08/2019 10:03

I’m surprised companies can get away with taking advantage of students like this. An unpaid internship lasting a couple of weeks or months, fine. The student is unlikely to be contributing anything significant to the company and it’s all about the experience. But a full year, unpaid is taking the piss. I assume that they won’t just be shadowing someone for a full year, in which case they will be contributing to the business and should be paid accordingly.

I did a placement year, as did most on my course. It was extremely valuable in terms of gaining experience, most of us went on to work for our placement companies as graduates. We were paid a fair wage, around £15k (15 yrs ago) and had the benefits of being employed, annual leave, travel expenses, training courses etc.

I would always encourage a placement year, but definitely not one that’s unpaid.

TapasForTwo · 04/08/2019 10:06

Sadly, they do it because they know they can get away with it.

"Why hadn't she worked whilst being at uni?"

There may be lots of reasons why some students are unable to work while at uni:

Health issues
Course content

Not all students enjoy 100% health and do undemanding degrees with few contact hours.

Aragog · 04/08/2019 10:14

Why hadn't she worked whilst being at uni?

Depends on many factors but it's not always possible for students to work during university. Dd won't be able to. At least 2 days a week she needs to be 'in work' as part of her course, at weeks she will have related prep to do, on top of her 3 full days in university. Some months she will be 'in work' full time for 7 or 8 weeks at a time with prep to do in the evenings and weekends. So working during the week/weekend at university just won't be feasible.

It also depends on where the university is as some are not central to a city or town and, as a result, jobs are less available to the student population, especially term time only Options.

ssd · 04/08/2019 10:14

Tapas, yeah I know that I'm not stupid but I'd rather hear the answer from the op if you don't mind.

madcatladyforever · 04/08/2019 10:17

I paid my own way through uni by working at weekends and holidays. I had nobody to help me and had a mortgage. Is there any way she could get a job?
On the other hand if I could afford to help my son I would to ensure his future and I did this.
As long as it's towards a feasible working goal.

yikesanddang · 04/08/2019 10:24

I would give up meat and holidays if it helped my kids. I'd give up an organ. Seriously? I would give my life. I don't understand some people.

burnoutbabe · 04/08/2019 10:24

Surely minimum wage laws ban year long unpaid placements? The university should report anyone to hmrc who expects anyone to work a year for free.

zsazsajuju · 04/08/2019 10:27

You are legally obliged to maintain your children in full time education if they are under 25. It would be absolutely unacceptable to refuse to do so or restrict it to the course you approve of.

Potentialmadcatlady · 04/08/2019 10:28

Unpaid placements are very much still expected esp for certain vocational courses. The Uni’s help set the placements up and control which ones you can apply for. If you don’t do the placement you don’t get the degree. It’s as simple as that.

Xenia · 04/08/2019 10:29

We need more facts eg does she graduate and then do some kind of post grade masters paying university masters fees for which I think now you can get a student loan and wants you to keep topping up her rent?

I decided on a case by case basis eg my daughter was sponsored over 2 years of law school by a law firm so that did not cost anything. I would have paid if not and I did pay for her sister for 2 years post grad law because I think law is a very good career and I love it. If they wanted to do something where they probably would not get much of a job after wards then I would need quite a bit of persuading and a sound business case made out (in writing).

EleanorReally · 04/08/2019 10:29

You are legally obliged to maintain your children in full time education if they are under 25. It would be absolutely unacceptable to refuse to do so or restrict it to the course you approve of.

Load of tosh

EleanorReally · 04/08/2019 10:30

I do not think this is subject for AIBU.
if you cannot afford it, you cannot afford it, no amount of discussion can change that

BuffaloCauliflower · 04/08/2019 10:30

Students who do a placement year have much better prospects for employment afterwards than those who don’t, statistically. I didn’t do one because I was a mature student but most of my cohort did and I don’t think any of them worked for free. Universities tend to work hard supporting students to find paid work years. If your DC is going to do a year in industry they can and should be finding a paid one - that’s one reason that years loans are less, because they’re expected to be doing paid work

finn1020 · 04/08/2019 10:35

Is she also working while she’s at uni or between breaks? If she managed to take a gap year but saved nothing it sounds to me that she’s happy enough to rely on the bank of mum and dad without taking steps to adulthood and the financial independence that should come with it. I don’t think you’re doing yourself or her any favours to let this continue.

I would continue to help her, but it would be on the condition of her ALSO contributing financially. That’s just part of being an adult paying your way ... she’s got to learn if she wants something she needs to be able to afford it and budget for it, not just get mum and dad to pay.

If she can’t, maybe she needs to have a gap year to fund it then go back to study?

JudgeRindersMinder · 04/08/2019 10:37

I would give up meat and holidays if it helped my kids. I'd give up an organ. Seriously? I would give my life. I don't understand some people.

This (well apart from my Saturday bacon roll!)
This is where I get frustrated at people choosing to have large families and don’t seem to look beyond childhood, when admittedly , children are fairly cheap to maintain. When you had numbers 2,3 and 4, didn’t you think about the possibility of needing to support them through higher education?
The common MN thing of cutting off support to your children at age 18 is alien to me

onceandneveragain · 04/08/2019 10:45

I haven't heard of a year in industry for humanities subjects before. I agree with you, sounds like an unpaid year long internship, and it's shocking if you also have to pay partial uni fees too. It very much depends on the type of work it is - if it is a really good opportunity and will be very likely to lead to work post-grad I might think about it, if it's nothing she couldn't get from volunteering/doing a three month placement in the summer I wouldn't!

If she took a gap year and didn't manage to save, and hasn't worked at all in the summer or at uni she doesn't seem to have much get up and go, so I would be wary of giving her yet more free money. In arts degrees the contact time is usually incredibly low so there's no excuse for not working. I had about 8 hours a week. Yes you are supposed to do a lot of reading around this, but I still managed to work 15 hours a week, which pretty much paid for my housing, plus had a full social life.

AJPTaylor · 04/08/2019 10:55

If it was valid and helped I would.
Dd didn't take this option and her c.v was light of relevant experience in her world. She did a year after her degree on a internship.

bigbluebus · 04/08/2019 10:57

What has she been doing during the 3 - 4 month summer break? If she's been sitting around doing nothing then I wouldn't be busting gut to help her out. My DS has ended up doing more years at Uni than we had originally thought (changed course & took a year out leaving a room to be paid for that he couldn't re let). As a result he has worked 40 hrs a week in a job he hates for the last 2 summers so he can more or less fund his extra years.

W1nnerW2nner · 04/08/2019 11:02

What's her employment goal ?
Why can't she get a paid job ?
It sounds like she is stuck in the bubble of being a student, funded by generous parents
She needs a reality check !

ThePants999 · 04/08/2019 11:17

An unpaid year in industry should be illegal.

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