Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex won’t come home AIBU

88 replies

Littleteacup1 · 03/08/2019 22:16

Ex partner and I broke up seemed mutual at the time but since he’s realised he can’t live with out me. He’s cried so much and keeps threatening to commit suicide as he can’t live with out me. He has previous mental Health issues but help hasn’t helped. 2 weeks ago he threatened to end his life and walked out I called the police he had a go at me. Since then he keeps going away for the night to try and end it. I’m so upset at it all I keep panicking about him ending his life he has no family and won’t except help. People keep saying he won’t do it and so far he hasn’t as he always comes home. Last night he went out said good bye it felt so real but I didn’t want to believe it he never came home his phone was off and he still wasn’t home At 5 in the morning all day I’ve had no contact until tonight to say he didn’t want to ruin my day out so turned his phone off I kept crying all day and couldn’t sleep at all last night he’s apparently tried to hang himself but the branch broke and he passed out. I called the police but as he’s not missing they won’t do anything. I’m sat at home with worry but I can’t get to wear he his I’m so upset I keep crying I want to help but I can’t and any service he tries to ring can’t help I know I can’t stop him if he really wants to go he will find away it’s just the constant I’m going to go and then he dosnt I really thought he had gone This time

OP posts:
Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 06/08/2019 12:21

He’s gone out today not sure where he is but I have plans so not texting him haven’t called anyone just leaving him alone x

OP posts:
TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 06/08/2019 12:34

Hang on, how do you know he is out? I presumed from the police visiting him at home that meant you were living apart but then you wouldn't know if he had gone out?!

AgentJohnson · 06/08/2019 12:36

Everyone has a role to play in relationship dynamics, particularly toxic ones. Unfortunately, your role is an emotional doormat. The good news is, you can change but you first need to accept you are one.

He’s an Ex, which means you need to treat him like one, detach and block. There isn’t a non twat version of him waiting around the corner, so stop wasting your time waiting.

chickenyhead · 06/08/2019 12:47

OP your recent threads make it clear to me that you need to make up your mind what you want and make that decision final.

simplekindoflife · 06/08/2019 13:17

My goodness, he's a manipulate selfish shit isn't he. Putting you through all this mental torture and stress is cruel!

Cut him out, break it off for good, zero contact. You need to do this for your own piece of mind and your own mental health.

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 06/08/2019 13:31

We still live together he’s got a deadline to move out but we both own the house

OP posts:
ThatLibraryMiss · 06/08/2019 14:05

Since then he keeps going away for the night to try and end it.

Mm-hmm.

I don't think it would take very long on the internet to find a method with a rather better success rate than throwing a rope round a branch that can't take your weight so I'm going to say he's telling big fibs.

When's he supposed to be leaving by? Is he showing signs of sticking to the deadline? Is the house bought or rented?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 06/08/2019 14:34

He knows the suicide stuff isnt working now, so he's moving on to grand gestures. It's all just a way of manipulating you.

Has he tried a cancer scare yet?

shhhFFS · 06/08/2019 14:43

My abusive ex did this. Repeatedly and then when it stopped working in making me leap to his aid or getting my attention he moved on to claiming to have terminal cancer.

On numerous occasions he told me he was going to kill himself and that it was all my fault. He would say he had taken pills and they were starting to kick in, and everything was going dark, don't come to my funeral etc. On 2 occasions I called an ambulance out to his address out of concern and also feeling like I couldn't have it on my conscience not doing anything, I was at work in a different town, on both occasions he was found to be fine. Not taken anything, not drifting off into unconsciousness, not dying. He told police and ambulance crews I was his stalker ex and I was making it up.

I learnt eventually and stopped reacting to the suicide threats. So then he resorted to telling me he had been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. He told me he was going into hospital for end of life care, only to be seen looking right as rain by my friend the next day. He's still alive and kicking to this day as far as I am aware.

NC is the only way to ditch the evil manipulative twat.

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 07/08/2019 00:02

Was out all day with my sister didn’t speak to him or say anything he then texts me accusing me of being on a date. I get home door won’t let me in think he’s put key in the door light is on upstairs I’m certain so ring door bell walk round back the gates shut and back door locked was open when I left so he’s been home since I’m sure. Go round front ring him and phones now off door opens as normal I look round house it’s empty and bedroom light is off so confused

OP posts:
cannotmakemymindup · 07/08/2019 00:12

Is it actually safe for you to go home if he is acting like this? Should you be staying at family or friends house tonight?

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 07/08/2019 00:43

I’ve got no we’re else to go tonight mums on holiday friends on holiday still my sister lives to far away and I don’t drive I feel safe at home though

OP posts:
ysmaem · 07/08/2019 00:47

I'm sorry you're going through this OP. Please contact police every time he contacts you. Please block him from contacting you. He's blackmailing and harassing you and needs to be dealt with my police

ThatCurlyGirl · 07/08/2019 06:32

Let us know how you're doing today if you get a chance OP Thanks

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 07/08/2019 09:37

I’m doing ok haven’t seen him since yesterday morning but he did text last night at 9.20 apologising for everything but nothing since

OP posts:
Purplerain16 · 07/08/2019 09:40

Please, please, pleas get out of that situation!
Block his number, change your number, change your locks.

He's manipulating you & is clearly succeeding. Please don't let this get worse.

He will not kill himself, he will not even harm himself.

You really need to get out of the situation

Singlenotsingle · 07/08/2019 09:45

I'd have zero respect for a man like this. He's not accepting help because he doesn't want it. He wants you. Don't upset yourself, just block him. He's a grownup., responsible for himself.

Vesperia · 07/08/2019 09:47

why are you still there? either he's manipulating you or this is the story in reverse & your trying to manipulate him. something doesn't add up here

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 07/08/2019 09:53

I can’t just change locks we both own the house. Please all talk me out of sympathy for him I’m actually considered he went out with out a coat last night and it’s now raining tell me I’m being stupid x

OP posts:
helpagirlout123 · 07/08/2019 10:16

you are being stupid, but i'm in a domestic violent relationship so who am i to talk!
I won't leave for this exact reason i'm too soft like you, i will give in to his suicide attempts and think 'its easier to stay with him and be unhappy'.
But you to me are an inspiration! please don' take him back, your doing so well to stay strong and not take him back, just remember the reason why you split up in the first place. well done op Flowers

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 07/08/2019 10:55

Thankyou @helpagirlout123 I’m being so strong but it’s hard so hard I’m so worried about him right now x

OP posts:
helpagirlout123 · 07/08/2019 13:58

i know i would be too its natural your obviously a caring person, but you need to think about yourself. he would of done it already if he was genuinely suicidal, he knows you care about him so he thinks this will work to get you back. stay strong you are worth so much more. its a crap situation but as long as you just call the police every time he tells you personally hes going to kill himself, then you know you've done all you possibly can

OMGshefoundmeout · 07/08/2019 14:03

Block and ignore. Don’t get sucked into his drama. Go out with friends or family and try to have fun. It will give you some perspective.

I’d keep the bag in its packaging for now. I am sure once he realises he can’t bribe you or manipulate you he will want it back, probably to give to his next victim.

Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 07/08/2019 21:02

Still no contact from last night have told updated 101 with the reference number his phone is still off

OP posts:
Original poster
Littleteacup1 · 07/08/2019 21:03

I’ve just got on with my day and left him to it x

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread