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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to be pissed off?

57 replies

numberonecook · 03/08/2019 17:33

Me and DH have been together for 20 years (since I was 16) we have three kids together. I have spent my whole adult life with him and being a parent and always tried to make everyone happy. I do love him. Trouble is he’s always ‘pissed off’ and is very vocal about it

His job pisses him off
The house pisses him off
The kids piss him off
I piss him off
The car pisses him off

He doesn’t like doing anything, no holidays, no days out, no cinema, no meals out, no walking. All pisses him off

We have nothing to look forward to, he’s never in a good mood. Am I unreasonable to feel pissed off? Lol

The kids have even turned middle aged before their time because he’s rubbed off on them! I just feel like I’m not allowed to have fun or do anything normal adults do incase he feels pissed off

(Btw he’s not abusive either verbally or physically and he does show affection. He is generous with money and possessions, he’s just pissed off lol)

OP posts:
minisoksmakehardwork · 03/08/2019 17:34

What happens if you do any of the things you would like to do without him?

FatThor · 03/08/2019 17:36

You are definitely not being unreasonable!

I couldn't live with a fun sponge for 20 years, would he consider marriage counseling? This could really start to chip away at your relationship if it hasn't already

Venger · 03/08/2019 17:36

Have you told him how it's making you feel? It must be really wearing, like living with an emotional blackhole sucking the fun out of everything.

OhioOhioOhio · 03/08/2019 17:37

I had that. Got rid of him. Was so depressing.

Needacareer101 · 03/08/2019 17:38

I think your DH is my DH!

Needacareer101 · 03/08/2019 17:38

And you are me! Shock

Aquamarine1029 · 03/08/2019 17:38

You either leave him or refuse to allow his twatishness ruin your life. Travel without him. Go out to eat, to the cinema and walking without him. If he wants to stay home alone and be miserable, let him. It's ridiculous you are living this way.

MrsMozartMkII · 03/08/2019 17:40

Gawd that sounds a miserable way to be living.

Disfordarkchocolate · 03/08/2019 17:42

Do fun stuff without him, if he's going to be pissed-off anyway the great if you might as well have fun.

JengaNonConfirming · 03/08/2019 17:42

He sounds like an absolute mood hoover. It sounds like a dull and joyless life - what a waste.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 03/08/2019 17:45

Maybe he should piss off then.

FadedRed · 03/08/2019 17:50

Are you married to a Dementor?
He sounds controlling and abusive tbh. Verbally and emotionally abusive.

You have one life, Op - do you really want to spend it with him? I wouldn’t.

pinkstripeycat · 03/08/2019 17:51

Maybe he is depressed otherwise how can someone not be happy with anything in life. Sounds like he’s got it all and not grateful

cantfindname · 03/08/2019 17:58

My ex was like this to the extent I dreaded going home to listen to another list of his moans. Nothing was ever right, if someone had given him £100 he would have complained he only wanted £95!

It wore me down like water dripping on a stone. Eventually he went away for work and spent a couple of months with his sister and after seeing the difference I refused to have him back (obviously there was a lot more wrong than just this!)

Straightalkinggal · 03/08/2019 18:08

Tell him to piss off or change.

Jimdandy · 03/08/2019 18:09

Leave the miserable bastard and go out and enjoy yourself with friends before it’s too late.

You’re in your prime and I couldn’t cope with that level of miserableness and not doing anything. We’re always planning stuff

Original poster
numberonecook · 03/08/2019 18:11

I think he is depressed. When I mention it He will buy me stuff to try Make me happy and when I say I actually want to help him feel happier or spend time with him he just says life’s shit and goes in a mood.

I do some things by myself and it doesn’t bother him. He’d never ask me not to go out or get funny if I did, he seems fine with me doing my own thing. I’d even think he didn’t want me around if he didn’t mention he’d missed me that day or wasn’t affectionate.

Even my mum mentioned ‘he’s a moody, negative bugger’ and laughed last time she was round but then she lives with my dad who’s a bit the same lol

OP posts:
cstaff · 03/08/2019 18:12

Jesus OP that sounds so depressing. Everyone has bad days but that kind of carry on all the time would get anyone down. I know I couldn't handle that bullshit childish behaviour.

Original poster
numberonecook · 03/08/2019 18:13

@cantfindname hahaha this sounds like me. He always picks me up from work on a Monday because he uses the car, il walk towards the car park wondering what’s pissed him off today and try not look too happy :(

OP posts:
gonewiththepotter · 03/08/2019 18:15

I appreciate you say he’s not abusive but it sounds like you’re walking around on eggshells and id be interested to know what would happen if you did do the things that piss him off consistently for a few weeks.

FWIW my dad was quite like this growing up. Always cynical and grumpy and never wanted to do things/ go places.

Luckily my mum was up beat enough to stop my sibling and I turning out the same way but even now as an adult I can’t deal with my dad for long periods or one on one (he can also be a touch racist/bigoted which I can’t bloody stand!)

BlueJava · 03/08/2019 18:17

That sounds horrible and a constant good mood drain! If I wanted to stay with him then I'd start to do things without him more and more. Take the kids on holiday, make sure you go to the cinema with them, arrange days out. He always has the option to come, can always choose what to do but if it's a no then it doesn't stop you and the kids.

My DP (23 years together) is always happy to do whatever I want (I choose all holidays, meals, films, anything) but he will generally come and enjoy it. I did get a bit fed up of choosing everything but now the 2 DS are old enough to have some sensible suggestoins the 3 of us discuss, I run it past him, then book!! :) Good luck!

Jemima232 · 03/08/2019 18:18

Does he enjoy sex or is that shit to him as well?

cottonwoolsnowmen · 03/08/2019 18:20

What's your definition of abusive?

WhoKnewBeefStew · 03/08/2019 18:22

Start to do things with your dc and without your dh, your kids deserve so much more, they deserve to be children and not middles age, make it happen for them, have holidays, take them abroad, take them to
Legoland or the zoo or places, make memories with them. YOU deserve to be happy

Original poster
numberonecook · 03/08/2019 18:26

Yer I take the kids out without him a lot, he has the option to come but usually makes an excuse not to. Either money, boring or full of idiots are his main ones. Two of the kids are teenagers so don’t want to move but me and youngest Dd go have fun and leave them to it.

I don’t think it’s the not wanting to come out as a family that bothers me as such because I do have fun with the kids. It’s the draining moaning and never wanting to do anything as a couple.

OP posts: