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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU TO BE ANNOYED WITH FRIEND

59 replies

beingmum39 · 03/08/2019 12:18

Ok, first time posting one of these but I am annoyed and need to vent

I have a close friend and we share a mutual friend although I am not as close to mutual friend as they are. The mutual friend has made several attempts to come round but doesn't give me notice and I have a little one which makes it awkward for surprise visits on the day. Whilst I have seen them on one or two occasions life has since meant that on each occasion they want to come I have been busy and said no...

So close friend messages me last week asking if she can pop over to see me on Saturday week, I replied that was fine as free .. she then responded by saying excellent.. WE will be over about 11:30 referring to her and said mutual friend.

I am annoyed coz she made out visit would be just her and now I have other one tagging along... AIBU to be annoyed

OP posts:
Jemima232 · 03/08/2019 12:20

It sounds like you don't like the other one at all.

Crazycrazylady · 03/08/2019 12:21

You clearly don't want to see the
other friend. I'd just come clean with therm both.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 03/08/2019 12:21

They've given you notice...

MolyHolyGuacamole · 03/08/2019 12:21

Confused. You don't like mutual friend popping over without notice, which is perfectly reasonable. Now you have notice. Don't get it.

AtrociousCircumstance · 03/08/2019 12:23

Not sure what people don’t get here Hmm

Close friend made an arrangement with OP without telling her it would be with her plus mutual friend. So OP feels tricked into agreeing to see both of them.

Which is fine if you are in the loop from the beginning. The close friend wasn’t clear/honest.

Farmerswifey12 · 03/08/2019 12:23

Yes you are being unreasonable. The mutual friend is making an effort and you sound like you are not interested in her whatsoever. Fair enough, but be honest rather than making out it's her fault.

TheOnlySnot · 03/08/2019 12:24

It just sounds like you don’t like the mutual friend to me.
If you did like the mutual friend, and you are free that day, then there wouldn’t be a problem?

maddy68 · 03/08/2019 12:24

Very confused. It's you that's being odd here. You clearly don't want the mutual friend in your life.

Jemima232 · 03/08/2019 12:24

I don't get it either OP.

They've given you notice, which is what you wanted.

Unless you think they're after a three-course meal at your house what's the problem/

Original poster
beingmum39 · 03/08/2019 12:27

Thanks folks.. it's nice to see it in other people's perspectives. Its not about not wanting to see the other one it is just annoying that I was originally thinking it would be me and my best mate catching up some 1 to 1 time. As she stated I in original message Shock

OP posts:
Chloemol · 03/08/2019 12:28

But they have given you notice about coming over. If you don’t like the mutual friend then you need to be honest and say, or suck it up when they come over. You have set yourself up here by not being honest with the mutual friend, who from your post you don’t appear to like

sackrifice · 03/08/2019 12:30

'Who is we? If you are bringing X then I'll take a rain check thanks.'

Farmerswifey12 · 03/08/2019 12:30

If she has originally asked if you were free to meet them both would you still have said yes or would you have been busy? Genuinelly curious

Jemima232 · 03/08/2019 12:30

Are you the only one of the three with DC?

greatvengeanceandfuriousanger · 03/08/2019 12:36

Yanbu.

Your friend shouldn't invite extra people to your home. I have a friend that used to bring randoms when we met up. I'm less is more and she's more the merrier. I hate pop ins and sheid think nothing of bringing a few extras along which I'd hate. We had a chat and I told her I felt short changed and if she wanted to meet with other friends then I would make alternative plans and we'd catch up another time. I also said if she brought extras I wouldn't open the door and I totally mean it.

cottonwoolsnowmen · 03/08/2019 12:36

Sounds like they can't win with you.

greatvengeanceandfuriousanger · 03/08/2019 12:37

I'd send sack's text.

Original poster
beingmum39 · 03/08/2019 12:38

Yes I am only one with little one. Yes I would have said yes to seeing them both not an issue but why say it's just them when it's not?? It doesn't matter just wanted to know your thoughts.. I just know if I said to someone I am coming over I would say we if I planned to bring the someone... Thanks though people... I didn't realise how good this site was suddenly I don't feel like I have to hold things in and you make me see things clearer.

OP posts:
Farmerswifey12 · 03/08/2019 12:43

Ok well if you'd have said yes anyway and the problem isn't the friend, could it be a genuine error in the way your friend so poses the first message? Possibly not intentional

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 03/08/2019 12:44

If you liked the mutual friend you wouldn’t care. I suspect you are jealous of her relationship with your perceived best friend.
From what you have said she tries to make an effort with you.

Either admit you don’t like her or stop moaning about non issues.

Original poster
beingmum39 · 03/08/2019 12:45

Farmerswifey12

Maybe ... Just write what you mean. If we had been having a chat I am sure she would have said we will come over and not I ???

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 03/08/2019 12:54

Do you think your friend knows that you're not as enamoured of the mutual as she is and this is her clumsy/controlling attempt to advance the friendship?

Original poster
beingmum39 · 03/08/2019 12:55

ThatssomebadhatHarry
Totally not jealous ... They have moved in our circle for many years, I am just not as close to them as I am to my best friend.. and as I don't see my best friend much any one to one time is precious.

OP posts:
Original poster
beingmum39 · 03/08/2019 12:56

Butchyrestingface

Yes it has come up in conversation in the past.

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 03/08/2019 12:59

Yes it has come up in conversation in the past.

Is that why she's done it, maybe?

You're not obliged to like or want to socialise regularly with the friends of your friends. She should respect that.