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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When you go stay with friends.....

75 replies

inmyshoos · 03/08/2019 09:22

Old friend has come to mine to stay for 2 nights. They are a family of 4. Im a single parent, she knows im not in a great position financially.
Whenever we have visitors they generally either buy a takeaway, or a food shop or at least come shopping and offer to split bill.

We went shoping and she put numerous things in, telling me what her dc dh etc like and didnt even offer a few quid towards the cost. Im not tight in any way shape or form but i would never go stay with a friend and not offer to pay my way. I offered to make dinner (macaroni, cheap and easy to do for 8) but they dont like it. So we got burgers for the dc and pizza for her and dh. Was pretty gobsmacked that it was just assumed id pay for sll their food too.

Aibu?!

OP posts:
newmomof1 · 03/08/2019 09:24

Yeah she's taking the piss.
It'd be different if you'd already done the food shop and were cooking meals with what you had in, but she's taking the piss by choosing what you buy, dictating what you buy, and then expecting you to pay for it!

MarthasGinYard · 03/08/2019 09:25

Yanbu

If you have 4 of them staying then they should buy in a takeaway at the very least.

CF

AngelasAshes · 03/08/2019 09:25

YANBU. Guests should cover their food costs by chipping in.

HennyPennyHorror · 03/08/2019 09:26

Well you need to speak up and say "Perhaps you could get tomorrow's dinner...I'm spent up'

Of course they should have offered or brought some. I always do. I ave a lot of people staying because we live in a tourist town....some will be cheeky like your "friends" whilst others won't let you pay for anything. But you HAVE to speak up against the cheeky bastards.

Thehop · 03/08/2019 09:29

Henny Penny has a good idea....be honest and unashamed, they’re taking the mick!

user1493413286 · 03/08/2019 09:30

That is cheeky; next time don’t go shopping with them and if they mention about food for their DC then tell them where the nearest shop is.
I find that with friends where we go to each other’s regularly we’ll all chip in with alcohol, share the cost of a takeaway and then the host does breakfast. Interestingly enough the people who don’t have the space to have is back are the ones who turn up with nothing and contribute nothing.

KUGA · 03/08/2019 09:42

YANBU HennyPennyHorror is spot on.

mcmooberry · 03/08/2019 09:45

She is utterly taking the piss, yes please speak up, her behaviour is completely cringeworthy

Shoxfordian · 03/08/2019 09:49

I would never expect my guests to pay for their own food when they come to stay. It's part of hosting. I think yabu

Beautiful3 · 03/08/2019 09:54

Just tell them now that youve paid for todays meal so tomorrow's meal is on them. You have to say something otherwise it will fester and you'll never have them over again.

woodhill · 03/08/2019 10:00

Pretty bad form on her part. she could have paid for the extras.

Nonnymum · 03/08/2019 10:00

If it was me I would have taken everyone out for a meal, bought a take away or at least arrived with some shopping. I wonder though if sh eis just not thinking rather than being cheeky. Have you stayed with her? If so what is she like then?

NoSauce · 03/08/2019 10:01

It’s very rude behaviour.
Tell them it’s beans on toast tonight and if they pull their face tell them they can buy dinner then.

woodhill · 03/08/2019 10:01

I would have even gone as far as putting her stuff separately and not paying for it.

Original poster
inmyshoos · 03/08/2019 10:03

Ive never stayed with them. We live in a tourist area so thats why they've come. They asked to come.

Whilst id like to cover the cost of their food i cant actually afford to!!

I just wont be buying anymore so i hope they like what we have in for tonight.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 03/08/2019 10:05

'They asked to come.'

That's the difference

If you'd have invited them as your guests and offered to host them then fair enough.

Asking to come and then expecting you to feed them all.

Rude

HeyManIJustWantSomeMuesli · 03/08/2019 10:06

For two nights it would be really weird to bring food beyond snacks/treats to share (or allergen-free stuff); i’d be a bit offended if guests turned up with a bag a standard groceries or tried to offer cash! Shock

Chipping in for a food shop wouldn’t be odd but I wouldn’t expect or accept it if offered.

Offering to buy a takeaway/meal out would be nice but I wouldn’t necessarily accept as a host.

Following you round the supermarket, chucking stuff in the trolley though is really bloody rude!

icelollycraving · 03/08/2019 10:29

I think I’d tell them what’s for dinner, if she tells you they prefer xyz say that’s not a problem, pick it up and we can cook all together.
I think getting things people like is part of being a good host. Saying that they’ve asked to come.

metalkprettyoneday · 03/08/2019 10:35

There are people that are oblivious to the fact that others have different finances . We always get special food in when hosting maybe they don’t know your situation ?! Clutching at straws?

icelollycraving · 03/08/2019 10:38

That’s true actually. They may be so comfortably off they just don’t get the implications of adding an extra x amount to the shopping.

usernamerisnotavailable · 03/08/2019 13:05

I would never expect guests to pay. But as a guest I always offer. At the very least I take wine flowers and a present if they refuse to let us contribute to the food shop. Which most of my friends do.

If we stay a while we will also take them out for dinner to say thank you.

Yabu and so are they.

andannabegins · 03/08/2019 20:16

I would never expect visitors to turn up with food or pay for it. If I am hosting I pay

Motoko · 03/08/2019 22:31

I would never expect visitors to turn up with food or pay for it. If I am hosting I pay

Even if they invited themselves, and you're a single mother?

CherryPavlova · 03/08/2019 22:38

I wouldn’t expect guests to pay but we’re in a position to allow that. When we go to my daughters, who is starting out with mortgage etc we’d always take lots of treats and pay for a meal out or takeaway.

Your friend imposed a family of four and is being unkind or thoughtless putting you in an awkward position. I think you’ll have to take a ‘ That’s what there is’ stance and hold tight to that position.

I don’t buy that friends wouldn’t know that a single mother wasn’t rolling in money.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 03/08/2019 22:43

YANBU. I would never do that. I love to be hostess and I would happily buy in good etc, but all my friends would insist on contributing. If I was the friend and you were letting me stay at ypurs, I would insist on paying for everyone to eat