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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she should let it go after 10 + years.

75 replies

useronetwo · 03/08/2019 08:18

DH gets a text, or series of texts this week from his ex. The mother of his child saying she's had enough, she is going to lay claim to his pension. "She is sick of living just above the poverty line, while we swan about in our brand new car, wearing designer clothes, in our new home and jetting off on tropical holidays. It should have been me and you having that lifestyle. Not her. She is too young to appreciate it. It's not to late to get rid of her and we can try again. You will never truly be happy without us. If I can't have that lifestyle then neither should you"
AIBU to think that this shouldn't really still be happening when they split so long ago and surely as they were never married she doesn't have a hope in Hell claiming his pension........
(Incidentally DH pays enough maintenance for her not to work, but she does. DSC is privately educated. The tropical holidays DSC have always been included. I wasn't the OW)

OP posts:
AuntieAvocado · 03/08/2019 08:20

Wtf. YANBU at all. She is barking.

Wishihad · 03/08/2019 08:28

Does he have to have contact at all? How old are the children?

Why did their marriage split up?

Not saying what she is doing is ok, it's not. Just wondering why, she cant let this go.

LolaSmiles · 03/08/2019 08:42

Comparison is the thief of joy. She's unhappy with her lot and is lashing out.

If he's paying a fair maintenance enough not to work then it's up to her what she does with that money and she needs to get over it.

A lot can change in 10 years. Things for you two may be very different to how the situation would be if they had stayed together. You've got to rise above it.

KUGA · 03/08/2019 08:51

Agree with above posts.
I also think she is jealous of his relationship as she sees what type of lifestyle they have.
Beware, she wants to put the cat amongst the pigeons.

Sicario · 03/08/2019 08:58

She's batshit jealous. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Original poster
useronetwo · 03/08/2019 09:47

They spilt after a short relationship before DSC was born. DSC is young teen, but isn't great with direct contact as mum takes phone away, so contact needs to go through her so she can control it.

OP posts:
Original poster
useronetwo · 04/08/2019 08:32

She goes through phases of denying access to DSC, which is sad really. Would I be unreasonable to call her out on her behaviour and ask her to stop trying to break DH and I up?!

OP posts:
44PumpLane · 04/08/2019 08:40

Don't get involved. Let your DH deal with it.

Its been 10 years +, she's not going to break you up.

Ignore ignore ignore.

44PumpLane · 04/08/2019 08:41

Oh but as to denyigg access to DSC your DH could take her to court for access.

Andysbestadventure · 04/08/2019 08:42

I'd be telling DH to go for joint or primary custody tbh Op. She sounds mental and is controlling her kid also.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/08/2019 08:43

Ignore and help your dp get a court order for access in place.

cottonwoolsnowmen · 04/08/2019 08:45

He bailed before the child was even born and left her to raise that child alone.

I'm sure her version of this would be very different to the picture you're painting of him.

Besides, if your relationship is so strong I don't see how her sending a grumpy text message is going to break you up. That's a bit dramatic of you.

Travis1 · 04/08/2019 08:45

If she’s denying access then take her to court. Otherwise ignore, ignore, ignore

Strugglingtodomybest · 04/08/2019 08:46

I'd ignore her, how on earth does she even think she'd get his pension?!

cottonwoolsnowmen · 04/08/2019 08:47

And yes, if he's so dedicated to his child why hasn't he gone to the trouble of getting a court order on contact?

Dolphinia · 04/08/2019 08:52

Yeah right

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 04/08/2019 08:53

Was it a clean break divorce?

StillCoughingandLaughing · 04/08/2019 09:00

They were never married, so no divorce.

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 04/08/2019 09:05

Ignore her, she's only embarrassing herself.

MollyButton · 04/08/2019 09:12

She hasn't got a hope!
So ignore.
And try to train the child to contact their father themself - try different social media - maybe WhatsApp or even just sharing silly insta photos.

toffeeapple123 · 04/08/2019 09:15

Nothing to do with you. Don't get involved.

An important question is: does he provide support/money for his child?

IvanaPee · 04/08/2019 09:19

An important question is: does he provide support/money for his child?

Why does nobody read the posts??

MaybeitsMaybelline · 04/08/2019 09:21

Does she drink? That sounds like the sort of irrational shit that comes up when someone has had too much wine.

DoneLikeAKipper · 04/08/2019 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sparklingbrook · 04/08/2019 09:33

Is there a bigger backstory here?

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