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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed that no one notices my weight loss?

118 replies

Shoppingishardwork · 02/08/2019 14:31

Ok so I know that this sounds childish and attention seeking, but I can't help feeling a bit miffed.

I've lost a stone. It hasn't been easy. I wasn't very overweight to begin with, my bmi was just over 25, but I was tipping overweight and felt and looked rubbish, but I'm now in my healthy weight. I'd like to lose around another half a stone.

Nobody has noticed that I've lost any weight. At work or family and friends. I even asked my mum and she said that she couldn't really tell.

I don't know why I feel this way as I don't want a big fuss, but weight is a big talking point amongst my work colleagues and friends and family who usually notice minimal weight loss.

I know I'm being silly, it's just nice to have a bit of encouragement.

OP posts:
cuppycakey · 02/08/2019 15:00

yanbu

I would be fewmin Flowers

Piffle11 · 02/08/2019 15:03

First of all, congrats on the weight loss.

Tbh if these people see you regularly, then it's probably difficult for them to tell that you've lost weight - the same way they probably wouldn't notice if you'd put ON a stone. I recently met up with a friend I don't see that often: during the conversation she mentioned that she'd joined a gym and had lost nearly a stone in weight. Once she'd mentioned it I could see it, but as she always wears loose fitting tops, I hadn't noticed. I wasn't jealous or not interested, it just hadn't registered. I think your DM could have been a bit more supportive, though.

ItsJustTheOneSwanActually · 02/08/2019 15:05

You have to lose quite a lot for colleagues to notice IME. It took 20lb for anyone other than DH and I to notice when I lost weight.

I had a similar BMI to you - just over 'healthy' and got into the healthy range.

Well done!

manicinsomniac · 02/08/2019 15:07

Unless someone is very big and I know they are dieting and would appreciate recognition, I don't comment even if I notice.

I think it's awkward because if I notice weight come off then the person will know I've also noticed when they put it back on (even though I obviously wouldn't be saying so!)

Also sometimes people have unknown negative reasons behind their weight loss and won't be happy with a comment.

Original poster
Shoppingishardwork · 02/08/2019 15:08

^No one noticed mine either but we're full of praise for my exh losing less than I did.
I've now put it back on plus more and people are more than willing to point it out ^

Haha, that's typical.

Totally get about people not mentioning weight, I only mean people who know I've been trying to lose weight, but yes, I wouldn't comment on a random persons weight either.

I'm 5"6, I do know it isn't a huge amount, it just is to me Grin

Well done everyone else who has lost weight, it can be hard to change habits

OP posts:
RandomAmanda · 02/08/2019 15:09

I also would be very wary of commenting on someone's weight loss, especially if they were not very big to begin with. Add to that I'm terrible at noticing variations in weight in the first place. But if someone announced that they'd lost weight and were happy about it I would definitely give them a 'well done' ('congratulations' doesn't sound quite right to me, it's more like something you'd say if someone won a prize rather than achieved something they worked for. Including work promotions.)

So OP it's entirely possible that people have noticed but don't want to say anything. It can be a minefield of a subject. Something I think is odd is that most people at our gym don't say anything to me but lots of people have said 'your wife looks great' to my husband 🤷‍♀️

RandomAmanda · 02/08/2019 15:11

Sorry, cross post. Very well done on the weight loss @shopping 🎉

Original poster
Shoppingishardwork · 02/08/2019 15:15

I think it's awkward because if I notice weight come off then the person will know I've also noticed when they put it back on (even though I obviously wouldn't be saying so

True, if no one notices or mentions then at least there's no pressures if I put it back on Wink

OP posts:
Cosentyx · 02/08/2019 15:16

Sorry, but YABU. I did the same, for me, never expected people to comment because a lot of people, including myself, don't comment on peoples' appearance or even notice. Get on with your life enjoying your health! That's enough of a reward.

Loopytiles · 02/08/2019 15:16

Best minimise seeking approval from others about our bodies and lifestyle choices, eg diet.

Work colleagues commenting on each others weight isn’t good and should be actively minimised IMO!

When I had similar BMI to your starting one then lost a similar amount of weight and went down a dress size very few people commented - I did get (positive!) comments one time when I lost more weight, about 20lbs and BMI was 21/2.

Your mum probably sees you through rose tinted glasses Smile

IvanaPee · 02/08/2019 15:19

Honestly. It’s only a stone which is great for you but not worth mentioning because it’s not a life-changing amount and it’s fairly common for people to fluctuate around a stone. In my experience anyway.

That’s not to say you haven’t done well!

Original poster
Shoppingishardwork · 02/08/2019 15:20

Randomamanda it is a minefield. Years ago I commented on someone dramatic weight loss, turned out she'd been very ill.

I also remember meeting up with some ex colleagues for a leaving dinner I'd put on this 1.5 stone that I'm now in the process of losing, but I was also pregnant. When I announced I was pregnant soon in, one of the women said "phew, I'm so glad you've said that, I thought you'd put on loads of weight". I wasn't offended I laughed, but some people might have been.

OP posts:
Sceptre86 · 02/08/2019 15:21

Congratulations on all of your hard work, keep it up. Some people wont mention it as they dont want to be seen as rude. Others simply wont have noticed unless you look dramatically different.
I seem to have the opposite problem, I have dropped a dress size and 1.5 stones and my in laws have commented on the fact that I have lost loads of weight. I haven't, I have lost a fair few inches though and my overall body shop is changing. Makes me wonder how fat they thought I was.....

Hope you reach and maintain your goal x

ohcanada · 02/08/2019 15:21

To be frank, a stone isn't really a lot. Most people could lose a stone and still be perfectly within their healthy weight. I'm short and I lost a stone the last few months, and didn't even change dress sizes...

I also make a point NEVER to comment on other people's weight unless we've had a conversation where they've told me they are actively trying to. I had a friend going through an awful traumatic period in her life, kept it private and people kept saying how amazing she looked because of all the weight she lost (through stress!). It was horrible for her, equally people can be very ill and lose weight, so better just never to comment..

Inferiorbeing · 02/08/2019 15:24

My MIL always comments if I look like I've lost weight and I hate it because when I see her a she doesnt it usually means I've put weight on Hmm I dont think it's necessary to comment unless it's like 5 stone

AbsentmindedWoman · 02/08/2019 15:26

"I also remember meeting up with some ex colleagues for a leaving dinner I'd put on this 1.5 stone that I'm now in the process of losing, but I was also pregnant. When I announced I was pregnant soon in, one of the women said "phew, I'm so glad you've said that, I thought you'd put on loads of weight". I wasn't offended I laughed, but some people might have been."

This is just really weird to me.

All your colleagues sound completely fixated on weight chat, either losing or gaining.

recrudescence · 02/08/2019 15:26

I’m another who never volunteers a comment on someone’s weight - I think because I want to avoid placing unwarranted value on appearance. It doesn’t matter to me if my friends are thin or fat.

gracepoolesrum · 02/08/2019 15:26

I had a close friend at uni who was anorexic and since then I never comment on anyone's weight loss or gain as the whole fat=ugly and bad, thin =beautiful definitely contributed to her eating disorder. Nevertheless congratulations on your weight loss!

Userzzzzz · 02/08/2019 15:26

A stone might not be a lot depending on where you lose it. If it goes off your tummy or face, I think it’s essier to see. If it goes off your thighs you might not notice. I drop weight first around my rib cage, collar bone and face. It’s wierd because I can be quite chunky but have quite a skinny look from my collarbones up but it’s annoying as I want to get rid from my stomach.

Original poster
Shoppingishardwork · 02/08/2019 15:28

I knew I was being unreasonable.

I know a stone isn't a lot, but it's been the bane of my life for the past few years, and I've really struggled to get into the frame of mind to shift it.

OP posts:
Riddleofthesands · 02/08/2019 15:28

Well done on your weight loss. I am 5ft 5 and when I lost a stone a couple of years ago absolutely no one noticed and like you I was really annoyed! I then discovered when I lost 20 lbs everyone notices and I go down a dress size. Don’t let it deter you but yanbu.

Sparklesocks · 02/08/2019 15:30

Are you vocal about the fact you are dieting/trying to lose it?

I once worked with a colleague who dropped 2 stone because she got very ill with severe gastro issues and needed several ops, when she finally came back in people in the office kept congratulating her on the loss and saying ‘and it least there’s a silver lining!!’ - she was very uncomfortable. So now I don’t comment on weight loss unless i know for a fact it’s on purpose as you don’t always know the context.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 02/08/2019 15:33

I found that in one really noticed weight loss until I started to wear clothes that fit me. When I just wore my old clothes, maybe they looked baggier but it wasn't until I wore fitted stuff it really became noticeable

Original poster
Shoppingishardwork · 02/08/2019 15:33

All your colleagues sound completely fixated on weight chat, either losing or gaining

There is a bit of a diet culture in my office, in most of the offices I've worked in to be honest. Don't know if it comes from working in an office.

That's why I was a bit disappointed, it's talked about a LOT.

OP posts:
notangelinajolie · 02/08/2019 15:41

I would not comment on anybody's weight. I don't think it is good manners.

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