Ask if you have dinner time etiquette

[PineappleBun]

Dinner time is important for my mum and dad. So at very young age I learned to get to table once dinner is ready and no tv during dinner time, etc

It's probably the reason why I feel a bit annoyed after I spend an hour to prepare the dinner, hubby won't come to dinner table because he is in the middle of something. And there is always things he is working on which means most of the time I need to wait at the table for 10-30 min after dinner is ready. And in many cases, food are cold when we start!! It upsets me a bit because it feels like the effort in preparing the dinner is not appreciated. This habit kind of spread to my kids that my daughter would say "I will come for dinner after I finish xx."

I think it's because hubby's family does not have any dinner time etiquette. I know my In laws are like this too. They would get on with whatever they are working on before having dinner.

Do you have dinner time etiquette? Or is it just me?

Stop preparing a meal for him OP. Let him get what he wants when he’s ready.

You’ve already got 2 children, stop pandering to a 3rd.

Buy a large bell and ring it loudly and constantly until he and anyone else comes to sit down.

I agree with you and we always sit to eat together. When DC were younger we sat to the table and definitely no TV. Just a chat about our day. Now more likely to be in front of the tv.

Various studies have highlighted the value of families eating together- we are flexible (help yourself) for breakfast but evening meal is different. Definitely give a 5 or 10 minute warning - usually with a request to sort the drinks out. Etiquette is that you don't start eating until everyone is served and don't clear or leave the table until everyone is finished. No tech at the table either!

When I was growing up dinner was on the table every night at 18.30. We didn't have mobiles back then or a TV in the kitchen but we did have a no books at the table rule.

When DH was growing up they never had a set dinner time nor did they have to sit round the table, he usually just brought his plate up to his bedroom.

My family has a very close relationship with each other, we often meet for dinner at each others houses and if we are at our DM we always congregate around the kitchen table. DH's family are not close at all, he often says to me that it is down to them not spending enough time together when he was growing up and it could have been different if they had of spent that 30/60 minutes together each night at dinner time.

Yup it's rude. Dinner is eaten when it's ready. No TV or phones - those rules apply to adults and children.

Don't bother waiting for him. Just eat. Or get him to share the cooking. Otherwise he's treating you like a servant.

Naboo of course you can eat when you want but then you can bloody well cook it too. Not let someone else do all the work and have it go cold.

Also eating together is so important for families.

Set a regular time that dinner will be ready. Give them a 10 minute and 5 minute warning. Tell them when it's on the table then sit down and start eating. If theirs gets cold too bad.
Enjoy your meal on your own then leave the table to do whatever you fancy. It may be sad or annoying but they'll soon learn that if the don't come to the table on time they get cold food. Not your problem.

Even letting them eat cold food wouldn't be good enough for me. It's rude to let you sit and eat alone when u prepared a meal for them.

I can't understand why the minute a meak is ready OH needs the loo. On some occasions I've finshed my meal before he's finished in the loo.
May years ago I was cooking a roast lunch, he and his brother had gone to the pub, I told them we were eating at 1.30, he drifted in about 1.20 and said that brother had just started another game of pool. I put the dishes on the table and we sat down, his mother was appalled that we weren't waiting for the brother.

I would stop cooking for them.
They are totally rude.
I was bought up eating as a family at the table and no TV,we chatted about our day etc.
I think table manners have gone out of the window sadly.

No faffing around, at the table when it’s called ready
No one leaves until the last person is finished
No tv, no phones etc
Before leaving, plates to the dishwasher and thank the cook

Basic manners 👌🏻

I think adults should be able to choose when they want to eat
Of course they can. They can say to the chef “don’t cook any for me please” if they aren’t going to join the family to eat when it’s ready. Then they can make whatever they want to eat later on.

Of course there are occasional exceptional circumstances when someone might not come to the table when a meal is cooked, such as if DH’s boss has phoned him unexpectedly and he can’t just hang up. But 99% of the time there’s no reason why people can’t leave what they’re doing until later.

I always find not having him present at dinner time is one of the few bonuses of DH working away.

My parents were possibly too strict about manners. Among other things had to time our eating carefully to suit our parents as you would get told off if you finished prematurely.
However we did used to chat and it was generally a nice family experience.

DH's family eat like The Simpsons.

Despite us living together for nearly 20 years we haven't found a happy medium.
He still wolfs down his food barely talking and sits once he's finished getting antsy and mildly annoyed at me and the kids chatting and taking our time with food.

I think adults should be able to choose when they want to eat

Me too. They can cook their own food whenever they want.
However they want me to cook for them though then they can eat it when I serve it. I'm not running a restaurant.

Btw - and I know I'm probably going to get jumped on - but you can really tell out of ds's friends which ones don't eat at the table - they don't know how to use a knife and fork!

@lavenderbluedilly Thu 01-Aug-19 23:10:30
My pet hate is when DH starts clearing the dishes away when I’m still eating, I find it very rude.

When I was growing up, we all had to stay at the table until everyone had finished eating, then ask to be excused from the table. It was also expected that each person scraped their leftovers from their plate into the bin/dog bowl/food waste, and leave the empty plate beside the dishwasher. I have tried to carry this on as a parent but fighting a losing battle with DH

What does he do with his plate? He doesn't just leave it on the table? Or the side in the kitchen??

Growing up we all sat at the table & sat down when called. We waited until everyone had finished before leaving the table - that went for all of us or just myself and siblings if we were eating earlier.

In my house now we sit at the table once the food is cooked. And wait until the other has finished and DH usually takes the plates out to the kitchen. We both do it if there are serving dishes etc.

Don't accept "not now" from your kids - you tell them to wash hands and sit at the table and that's it.

As for your DH. Dinner will be ready in 10 minutes / at 6.30 or whatever.

Don't dish his up if he isn't there. If he still hasn't appeared by the time you've finished eating, then put leftovers / his portion in the fridge.

If at 5pm you say "dinner at 6", don't remind him again - he's an adult - if he forgets / doesn't come and misses out, then that's tough.

All meals are eaten at the dining room table unless, in cases of extreme excitement for dd, we have a movie night and have dinner in the living room. the table still gets laid in there, we eat at the coffee table on cushions a la japonais.
Dd lays the table.
Woe betide anyone not ready for dinner when it's ready. If dh is doing something that needs warning he will tell me.

Oh and no screens or anything at the table and nobody gets up until everyone has finished.

Oh and I have a dinner gong 😍. It makes a fabulous sound

My dh is always hungry though so you don't have to wait around for him if he thinks there's food!
Lol mine too, he's usually hovering behind my back as if it might speed the magical arrival of the meal (or hoping to sneak a taste)

I send my 2yo to run round the house screeching "ready time!!!" until everyone acknowledges him and makes a move. I generally give a 5 minute warning too. If DH is in the middle of something (which is fair enough) we do just start without him.

Whoever finishes first (normally DH) gets up and starts loading the dishwasher, making a cup of tea, etc, until everyone is finished.

@NabooThatsWho, this isn't about when a student is hungry though - this is the family's main meal. The time when they all come together and sit with each other. It is about socialisation and manners as much as quenching a hunger.

We had the issue of people being in the middle of something when dinner was ready. So we did a ten minute warning and it worked pretty well.

I always go to the kitchen the second DF says tea's ready, it's rude not to. He took the trouble to make tea, it's respectful to turn up when it's ready. Even if it's frozen pizza, he still had to empty the oven and suchlike. We plate up in the kitchen, so at 5:20 DM and I are either hovering like vultures or listing for the sound of water for tea-time tablets.
The way I see it, if your family don't come to tea when it's nice and ready, they can have cold and nasty, or not at all. And no sneaky pieces of toast. A few days of empty bellies might do them some good. Even George Washington was terrified of his cook. He went to the dinner table at 7 sharp, never mind anything or anyone else. If a man that important and that busy can come to dinner on time, so can everyone else.