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Original poster

Ask if you have dinner time etiquette

103 replies

PineappleBun · 01/08/2019 22:38

Dinner time is important for my mum and dad. So at very young age I learned to get to table once dinner is ready and no tv during dinner time, etc

It's probably the reason why I feel a bit annoyed after I spend an hour to prepare the dinner, hubby won't come to dinner table because he is in the middle of something. And there is always things he is working on which means most of the time I need to wait at the table for 10-30 min after dinner is ready. And in many cases, food are cold when we start!! It upsets me a bit because it feels like the effort in preparing the dinner is not appreciated. This habit kind of spread to my kids that my daughter would say "I will come for dinner after I finish xx."

I think it's because hubby's family does not have any dinner time etiquette. I know my In laws are like this too. They would get on with whatever they are working on before having dinner.

Do you have dinner time etiquette? Or is it just me? Hmm

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 01/08/2019 23:45

DC are only 3 and 6

So they should be at the table waiting for their dinner to be served. Surely when your daughter says "I will come after I finish x" then you answer "no, you will come now". Perhaps it's time to explain that you don't want them to be as rude as their father.

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 01/08/2019 23:48

He's teaching them bad manners and it's incredibly disrespectful of the time and effort you're putting into dinner.

Have you spoken to DH about it? I don't think throwing his dinner in the bin should be Step 1....speak to him. Tell him how it makes you feel and try to agree on what you want to teach the children together.

BackforGood · 01/08/2019 23:49

Your dh is being incredibly rude, but I don't get why you would wait for him ? Confused

You should just teach your dc that they come when they are called, and the 3 of you eat. Don't wait for him and enable his lack of manners for goodness sake.

It is, and always has been a really important time in our house. The one time in a day when we all touch base / talk about whatever is going on in our lives. It keeps the teens talking to you at a time when some teens don't connect well with their parents.

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 01/08/2019 23:49

And yes at 3 and 6 I wouldn't be negotiating them. 'No, dinner is starting right now. Get yourself to the table.'

TwistyTop · 02/08/2019 00:03

All this stuff about your upbringing is irrelevant. Your DH is being very rude.

I'd be tempted to throw his dinner in the bin as well, but I think talking about the problem is probably the more adult solution...Smile

Catsinthecupboard · 02/08/2019 00:04

Yes. I had it as a child (grew up on a farm) and we have it now.

My children are grown and expect to have good table manners and sit down when food is ready; that's just respectful and shows gratitude/appreciation to the cook.

My dear mother's saying was, "Come and get it before I throw it out!" Or the ever urbane and sophisticated "We're waiting like one hog waits for another!"

However, once seated, napkins, proper utensils, and all the rest were expected and/or corrected.

I suggest using my mother's dinner callGrin and start without him. He'll catch on.

BizzzzyBee · 02/08/2019 00:15

He’s immensely rude. I’d tell him he needs to come now or his dinner goes in the bin. In our house the cook always shouts a couple of minutes before the food is ready so we can come to the table. No tv, phones or books etc. No clearing or leaving until everyone is finished, unless you’ve asked to be excused. It’s just basic manners.

SnowsInWater · 02/08/2019 01:11

That is so rude. He is an adult, explain that it is unacceptable and from now on you will give a five minute warning of when you are dishing up and will start without him if necessary. Leave his plate on the table to get cold and if you are finished when he arrives he eats alone. Your children are young enough to do what they are told so give them the similar warning and expect them to be there. DH does most of the cooking in our house at the moment as I am unwell - everyone comes when they are called and says thank you afterwards. Basic manners.

ThisIsNotMyRealName1 · 02/08/2019 01:42

I'd do the "dinner in 10" and make sure he acknowledged/heard. The kids I'd give a 2 minute bell as well as in "come on, up to table". If husband doesn't come to the table when dinner is ready, serve you and kids and eat without him. Don't bin his dinner; that's rude too, and a waste of food.

GibbonLover · 02/08/2019 01:49

Oh bloody hell, don't wait for DH to come to the table before you start eating! Why on earth should you? You slaved away over a hot cooker making it, the very least you deserve is your own meal at the correct temperature.

Five minute warning here too. The only other rule is that if it isn't liked, I won't be offended BUT you have to have a try and please don't complain until I've finished eating my own plateful.

pallisers · 02/08/2019 01:49

Call your dh to dinner

Sit down and serve you and your children.

Put a timer on for 10 minutes and then put your dh's dinner in the freezer.

If he complains say "I make dinner for x time after that you are on your own"

Or just don't include him in dinner at all

PriestessModwena · 02/08/2019 02:49

I think YANBU, I hate it when you've gone out of your way like that & they faff about, then moan it's cold. I've long given up eating at the table though, as through most meals he'll be looking at his phone.

Alislia17 · 02/08/2019 03:15

This reply has been deleted

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Ohyesiam · 02/08/2019 05:34

It’s very rude and disrespectful when you’ve put the time, energy and effort into making the meal.
If mine take 5 minutes to arrive I kick off. Screens don’t help.
What does he say about it?

Jeremybearimybaby · 02/08/2019 05:45

5 minute warning, all evening meals eaten at the table, no screens. We might have a pizza in front of the telly on the odd Friday, but generally I insist on eating at the table, with no distractions.
Just start your dinner when it's still hot! And tell your DC to come to the table now. You're in charge, it's not a negotiation.

PlugUgly1980 · 02/08/2019 05:45

All meals at home are eaten at the dining table together. I call DH and kids 5 mins before as there's always a bit of faffing about as they come through. No TV / phones / toys etc at the table.

WishIwas19again · 02/08/2019 06:26

We have pre school children and want to instill good table manners so always sit at the table, no TV, screens or toys allowed, must chat. We sit down together, they wait until everyone is finished before they get up (if the 2 year old starts to squirm we sometimes let them down).

When it's just me and DH we sometimes eat on trays in front of TV. But always together if we're in the house/not rushing off to an evening activity etc.

DH family drive me mad, they always have TV on in background (even when nobody is watching it Hmm) and grab food without passing it round to guests first, then get up and clear their own plates and leave once they're finished.

Monty27 · 02/08/2019 06:34

Eating together is lovely as a family until the bickering begins. It's not worth it. 😂 🙄

lickencivers · 02/08/2019 06:48

Op when food is ready children come help lay table or serve or make salad etc it's rude to Carry on watching tv. Little gits stop cooking for them Wink

stucknoue · 02/08/2019 06:56

Did I write this ...

Actually I housetrained h and he's a convert, he even eats with me despite sleeping in the spare room and saying he wants to separate. Kids now grown don't object either, no tv, background music sometimes, you come when called. We don't sit for ages everyday but not rushing off until everyone has finished at least

timeforakinderworld · 02/08/2019 07:00

We always eat together, no tv. Always have even when kids were little. Everyone has to come to the table on time! Only exception is when ds has football practice and eats later.

Sexnotgender · 02/08/2019 07:01

I have an actual bell that I ring to signal dinner in around 10 minutes and people need to come and help set the table/get drinks etc.
No phones, no tv and everyone sits until we’re all finished.

ILiveInSalemsLot · 02/08/2019 07:02

Why would they not want to eat food while it was still hot?
Don’t wait for him. Let everyone know that dinner is will be ready in 10 minutes and get the kids to come and help lay the table and don’t give them a choice. Eat without your dh if he can’t be bothered to come.

Do you cook every meal? What happens when your dh cooks?

cliffdiver · 02/08/2019 07:02

A few minutes before dinner is ready, DH/I (whoever is cooking) will ask DDs to wash their hands.

The non-cook will wipe down table / set table / get water.

When food is served, DDs will be waiting at the table.

We all eat together in the dining room.

cliffdiver · 02/08/2019 07:04

Also, we all wait until everyone is finished before having pudding (if we're having it) / leaving the table.

No TV / screens.