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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask to be sterilised?

53 replies

RunningFeisty · 01/08/2019 20:29

I'm 30, I have 3 kids. Hormonal contraception doesn't agree with me at all, I was on Loestrin and it made me bleed continuously, they swapped me to microgynon, and it makes me feel continuously nauseated!

I'm 100 percent postive that I do not want any further children, I suffered SPD with the last two pregnancies, and with one of my children having additional needs, my family is well and truly complete, I don't have enough energy for any more.

The thing is I know they are going to try and tell me I shouldn't be sterilised, I suffer anxiety and the idea of getting pregnant again fills me with utter dread. Obviously I know I can use condoms, but even then I panic that that might fail or burst etc.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 01/08/2019 20:31

YANBU at all. Sometimes it’s hard to convince doctors to do it though, so you might need to be prepared for a bit of a battle. Have you thought about a coil?

Really good luck. Flowers

Original poster
RunningFeisty · 01/08/2019 20:45

I had a copper coil before, it made my periods unbearable!

OP posts:
EatDessertFirst · 01/08/2019 20:47

I've just been through this (35 years old, two DC 8 & 10) and found out recently that my local trust don't fund female sterilisation anymore. The only way I can get it is privately which I cannot afford. I have to stay on the pill as coils caused constant bleeding as did the implant. They advised against the injection.

Men can get the snip within eight weeks though, no questions asked.

PixieLumos · 01/08/2019 20:49

YANBU. But as you already have 3 DCs I’m not convinced they would try to dissuade you anyway - you may be worrying about that for no reason.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 01/08/2019 20:54

Ok two circumstances:-

  1. Your husband dies / you split up. You meet the most amazing, wonderful man and you are madly in love. He is a gazillionaire (so no money worries). He has no kids and is desperate for a baby with you.
  1. One or more of your children die.

Do you want another baby?

I have never been able to answer a definitive no for the above so haven’t been sterilised. If you can - then it is the right decision.

Original poster
RunningFeisty · 01/08/2019 20:57

That's really quite an unfair question and my request to have my ability to procreate removed should not hinge on hypothetical scenarios that may or may not happen!!

OP posts:
OldAndWornOut · 01/08/2019 20:58

I was sterilized at 27, with one child and no settled, live in partner.
So, its always worth asking.
My answer to the "you might meet Mr wonderful" was that I don't and never have changed my views depending on what a man may want.

If I met Mr wonderful I would want to enjoy being with him, not spending sleepless nights and smelling of baby sick.

Mrsjayy · 01/08/2019 20:58

When I was sterillised i was sure I could not be pregnant again and this was my mantra thankfully i had a very good sympathetic /understanding obstetritian (sp) goask to be referred and stick to your reasons.

Cherylshaw · 01/08/2019 20:58

@Mumoftwoyoungkids

it can be reversed

Original poster
RunningFeisty · 01/08/2019 20:58

Especially as someone else stated, men ask for the snip and get them no questions asked essentially!

OP posts:
Oblomov19 · 01/08/2019 20:59

I can answer yes to all those questions. I was sterilised mid 30's, and that was many many years ago, and I'm afraid it was easier to get then.

Discuss with GP again?

NCpreggo · 01/08/2019 21:01

A vasectomy would seem like the best option perhaps?

user1473878824 · 01/08/2019 21:01

Progesterone made me bleed constantly but the hormonal coil doesn’t at all - I think it’s worth a try before something so drastic.

Cherylshaw · 01/08/2019 21:02

I got sterilised during my section so don't have any advice on how to go about getting one but I would just stick to my guns and really push for it!
it is worth being aware that it is not 100% and there is something ridiculous like a 1 in 200th chance you can still fall pregnant 😶

Original poster
RunningFeisty · 01/08/2019 21:03

He can have a vasectomy all he wants, I still want sterilising. What if the hypothetical break up occurs?

I have researched this thoroughly and am positive it is what I want.

OP posts:
Original poster
RunningFeisty · 01/08/2019 21:04

Why is it drastic when vasectomies are bandied about like they're not almost equal? Sure, the procedures are different but the outcome is the same.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 01/08/2019 21:06

It’s a more tricky, more expensive operation. That’s the main reason the nhs prefers vasectomies.

wheelywheelynice · 01/08/2019 21:07

Go on Facebook, join a couple of the tubal ligation groups and read all the posts from desperate women who are really suffering awful physical and mental anguish from being sterilised.

Original poster
RunningFeisty · 01/08/2019 21:08

Fuck it, I'll save up and go private then.

OP posts:
B3ck89 · 01/08/2019 21:10

I got sterilised during my c section, so unfortunately no insight going into it any other way. But I was only 28 and they didn’t even hesitate.
It was when I had my 4th, he was a surprise baby as I only wanted 3 so I was 10000% sure I did not want anymore

Cherylshaw · 01/08/2019 21:11

I don't know why people are recommending a vasectomy, she wants sterilised her partner's penis is irrelevant.

PurpleDaisies · 01/08/2019 21:13

cheryl it’s usually easier to organise a vasectomy. That’s why people are suggesting it. It would also achieve what the op wants.

Cherylshaw · 01/08/2019 21:14

op don't be put off if you want one push for it, I'm so happy I got it done

Cherylshaw · 01/08/2019 21:15

@PurpleDaisies
it wouldn't achieve what the op wants, as she wants sterilised.
not her partner

SerenDippitty · 01/08/2019 21:17

it is worth being aware that it is not 100% and there is something ridiculous like a 1 in 200th chance you can still fall pregnant

I’ve often wondered why don’t they remove the tubes entirely - surely it would be 100% then.