To ask to be sterilised?

[RunningFeisty]

I'm 30, I have 3 kids. Hormonal contraception doesn't agree with me at all, I was on Loestrin and it made me bleed continuously, they swapped me to microgynon, and it makes me feel continuously nauseated!

I'm 100 percent postive that I do not want any further children, I suffered SPD with the last two pregnancies, and with one of my children having additional needs, my family is well and truly complete, I don't have enough energy for any more.

The thing is I know they are going to try and tell me I shouldn't be sterilised, I suffer anxiety and the idea of getting pregnant again fills me with utter dread. Obviously I know I can use condoms, but even then I panic that that might fail or burst etc.

Unlike wheely's post, I have no anguish. No regrets. I will never ever have more kids. Even if I lost Dh and both ds's, nope, even then. Best thing I ever did. Well pleased I did it!

Speaking from my own personal experience, they will likely ask you to try a Mirena coil for a while. I really REALLY didn't get on with micrgynon or anything but one specialist pill.
But the mirena has actually worked for me.

They insisted I try the mirena for 6 months before considering anything else. So far it's working for me. But if it doesn't I will be put on the list for a tubal ligation.

I had not 1 jot of regret it was such a relief .

I’ve been sterilised. I had awful pregnancies with my two and I got asked the ‘but what if you split up and meet someone else?’ I was like “what part of ‘I never want to be pregnant ever again’ do you not understand?” Even if something happened to them they could never be replaced.
You need to go request it with the conviction that you don’t ever want to be pregnant ever again no matter what the circumstances. I understand it’s harder nowadays but mine was only 4 years ago.

@SerenDippitty

I think completely removing them could cause early menopause

I'm early 30s with one DD and I've asked my GP to be sterilised. She referred me no problem. There was no way I wanted the coil and I didn't want anymore OCPs. My GP understood my arguments and just referred me. YANBU to want to be sterilised. There's nothing wrong with taking control of your own body and your own contraception and being sterilised. If that's what you want OP then go for it.

After nearly dying having dc2, and a horrific pregnancy second time round, it was clearly the right decision for me. I have long term health problems that mean another pregnancy would certainly be as bad. So no matter what my personal situation is, my body can't take it. My consultant actually offered it to me when she saw how unwell I was near the end of the pregnancy.

I can't say that there aren't moments that I wish it wasn't the case and that another pregnancy wasn't so dangerous, but it is what it is. Being sterilised was the right decision for me.

However, if my reasons weren't so extreme, I dont think it would have been a good idea. It's so very permanent and you just never know how you will feel in the future.

Go on Facebook, join a couple of the tubal ligation groups and read all the posts from desperate women who are really suffering awful physical and mental anguish from being sterilised.

Or listen to the many thousands like me who sailed through it and have never regretted it for one minute. Not having to think about contraception is liberating.

Vasectomies are a quick procedure under local anaesthetic done in a gp surgery, female sterilisation is a major operation they are not comparable. Most drs are not keen to perform them on men as young as 30 anyway, circumstances do change.

"Go on Facebook, join a couple of the tubal ligation groups and read all the posts from desperate women who are really suffering awful physical and mental anguish from being sterilised."

I did actually look for these and could only find positive story groups. What's the names of the ones you mention?

*@SerenDippitty

I think completely removing them could cause early menopause*

I don’t think so, not if the ovaries are left.

Laparoscopic sterilisation which involves blocking the tubes has a 1 in 200 failure rate. The mirena coil is far cheaper and more effective which is why they push you to try that (and other things) first. Totally removing the tubes (salpingectomy) is a much bigger operation and only performed when necessary.

A lot of CCGs are not funding female sterilisation at all now and none are likely to fund it if your BMI is over 35.

I think with the state of the NHS more and more areas will stop offering it going forward so if you want it now is the time. Fwiw based on the info in your post my CCG would sterilise you

It really is a load of sexist claptrap.

A woman can decide she wants children - nobody tries to talk her out of it.
A woman decides she wants no more children - many people try and talk her out of it.

It's almost as if women don't have minds of their own.

I tried getting a referral at 37. I have no children at all and you'd think I wouldn't change my mind at that age wouldn't you? Oh no, what if I met the right man? FFS... I ended up having to have a bilateral salpingectomy thanks to the PID which was caused by the coil they insisted I had instead. The PID caused peritonitis and eventual sepsis. If only I'd been sterilised when I asked, I wouldn't have had all the "awful physical and mental anguish".

PS: The salpingectomy involved four tiny incisions, a camera and a load of gas. The after-effects of the gas were more painful than the incision sites.

I never understand the point about losing your kids. Like they can be replaced? It's just so strange.

I can't imagine losing my DC and deciding to have another baby as a direct result. It's often raised on here as an argument against sterilisation and I find that very odd.

I got a hysterectomy in my 30s. My periods were hideous, getting much closer together and bleeding for more than a week (21 day cycle, bleeding 9-11 days minimum). The consultant brought up the 'married to an older man in a dangerous profession' bit. I told him if I thought I was pregnant again I would probably be hanging from the nearest tree. Five weeks later, job done. I love my kids, but no way could I have had more.

I had an uphill battle to get sterilised but they counselled me 5 times and it eventually went ahead. I was 33 when I was sterilised.

I was sterilised at 32 immediately after my c section for my fourth child. They had no issues in agreeing to the sterilisation although they did check multiple times that I definitely wanted to go ahead.

Since then I have suffered with heavy periods which can only be described as horrendous.

I can't imagine losing my DC and deciding to have another baby as a direct result. It's often raised on here as an argument against sterilisation and I find that very odd

That had never occurred to me but you are spot on. We would never tell a dog owner 'When Max dies, you can just get another one' would we?

@EatDessertFirst how sexist and misogynistic

I'd start saving for it privately. Lots of trusts are no longer funding female sterilisation and will ramrod that fucking Mirena down your throat until it lodges in your cervix they hard sell it so much.

@HelenaDove

Sexist and misogynist? Are you serious?

It's already been pointed out that female sterilisation is vastly more expensive, due to the nature of the surgery, than male sterilisation.

That's why it's so difficult to get it funded.

I was sterilised 7 years ago at the age of 29 I have never regretted it but the day after I had it done my dr called to say it wasnt funded. I pointed out that I had it done already and he said that I was lucky as the wernt going to be doing them anymore as too many women regret it.

I don’t have any children and have had exactly the same response — despite rather traumatic circumstances. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3652876-To-want-to-kiss-my-GP-and-rant-at-some-gynaecologists
My advice is to see a GP you trust and knows you well (if possible), and see if they can refer you to a gynaecologist that they think will be sympathetic. You might have to pay to see the one you want for the initial consultation, but £150 is well worth it not to be patted on the head and told to not be a silly little lady 🤬
As for the cost, I know my situation is slightly different but it did piss me off that I’ve worked and paid taxes all my life, never claimed any kind of benefit (apart from single council tax discount!), never had children and all the cost to the NHS and state that that entails...yet still the issue of cost was brought up. I think my botched termination and the resulting GA and surgery probably cost more than a sterilisation would have done!