MN has made me see this isn't right so I have done this... *Trigger Warning* - Sexual assault [Edited by MNHQ]

[SpikyPineapple]

After an abusive, frankly shocking 15 year relationship, I have been single for two years- happily so, I might add.

However, last year a friend of a friend set me up with a guy. He seemed ok- attractive and independent, we began meeting up as a casual thing.

I woke up one night at his and his fingers were in my “bits” (both holes) . I pretended to be asleep but knew it wasn’t right.

After reading many similar threads on here I now believe it was completely wrong. I haven’t been in touch with him for months now but suddenly got so fucking angry today that I have texted him. All I have said is “Can I ask you something?”

He hasn’t replied yet but when he does I’m going to ask him why he thinks this was ok. Just wanted some support really.

I'm sorry this happened to you OP

I can empathisise with the anger you feel.
A friend raped me on a sunny June afternoon..I was 18. He drugged me and raped me.

He was someone I trusted, he was a friend of my then live- in boyfriend.

I confronted him... He did lots of '' wha? Wha?... ''....you came back to my flat willingly... (yes because you siad I could use a phone there to call a taxi.. Before mobiles-...) by the time we reached his flat... I was staggering, and felt really ill/drunk and couldn't put one foot in front of the other... Althou I'd only had orange juice... It was lunchtime...

I tried to report, a female copper advised me against this as I was living in sin/voluntarily went to his flat...

I can't tell y9u how angry I still am 30 plus years later...

Well done OP

You are being very strong OP, what a disgusting man.

@Spermysextowel Bravo on that victim blaming there! Deep sleeper here...often wasn't aware that ex-h had raped me until I got up in the morning to find previous night's deposits exiting. Clear enough for you?

If a man did that to me, even my husband when I was asleep or without my permission, I would have jumped a mile and he would have ended up with damaged 'bits'.

Believing that makes you feel safe, so I'm sure you'll keep believing it regardless of the facts. Ignorance is bliss, as they say.

Reality is you can't control which threat response your brain activates in a situation like that. You are far more likely to find your brain has opted for "freeze" to try to ensure you survive what is happening, which will mean you won't physically be able to move or scream or fight or run or do anything except remain motionless.

You wouldn't have jumped a mile, you would have frozen too, but it makes you feel safe enough to keep going about your life to tell yourself the comforting lie that you would have done.

If you want to cling onto it to make you feel safe that's fine, but don't you use it to go around blaming and judging people who've been assaulted. You don't have a clue.

@cottonwoolsnowmen

Reality is you can't control which threat response your brain activates in a situation like that. You are far more likely to find your brain has opted for "freeze" to try to ensure you survive what is happening, which will mean you won't physically be able to move or scream or fight or run or do anything except remain motionless.

Bingo. The research done over the last few years into the "fight-or-flight" response clearly shows that in situations where someone is at risk/undergoing physical/sexual/psychological abuse they are more likely to simply "freeze" than attempting to fight, or flee, their abuser. I'm very happy this is becoming more widely known as the "fight, flight, freeze" response now. Not as fast as I'd like, mind.