MN has made me see this isn't right so I have done this... *Trigger Warning* - Sexual assault [Edited by MNHQ]

[SpikyPineapple]

After an abusive, frankly shocking 15 year relationship, I have been single for two years- happily so, I might add.

However, last year a friend of a friend set me up with a guy. He seemed ok- attractive and independent, we began meeting up as a casual thing.

I woke up one night at his and his fingers were in my “bits” (both holes) . I pretended to be asleep but knew it wasn’t right.

After reading many similar threads on here I now believe it was completely wrong. I haven’t been in touch with him for months now but suddenly got so fucking angry today that I have texted him. All I have said is “Can I ask you something?”

He hasn’t replied yet but when he does I’m going to ask him why he thinks this was ok. Just wanted some support really.

@ScarlettOHarasWaist

@ScarlettOHarasWaist don’t feed what? A real life situation that affects millions of women everyday? A situation that I wouldn’t have questioned had it not have been for several other threads like this? Were they troll threads too?

I agree with others, you need to shut it down now. I doubt he will tell your friend, he won't want to risk opening this up and him being seen badly, it was just a threat. I'm glad you feel empowered though. I was friends with someone who anally raped me. I was having consensual vaginal sex with him and when he moved I was shouting no and trying to get away but he had hold of me so I couldn't get away. It took me years to realise I had been raped and when I did I was so angry but there was nowhere for that anger to go. I have come to terms with it now though and I hope you are at that place now too.

I'm sorry you experienced this.

Not that he shouldn't admit it and apologize (grovel), but the last thing he's going to do is to admit in writing to a non-consensual sex act. There was recently a court case where a man (rightly) was convicted of rape because he apologized to his victim in a letter. The letter was (correctly) used as an admission of guilt.

He knows what he did, and he knows that you know.

So sorry this has happened to you, it’s so so so unfair but agree you should try not to contact him as he will never admit it plus he could be getting a little power kick out of knowing you’re suffering and he’s got away with it.

If you can find some comfort in the fact he has this pathetic need for power over others that ultimately comes from his own bad experiences and inadequacies.

Bunnyfiller is right about the porn link... the same thing happened to me as MrsC - ultimately all such relationships will end as there’s no trust and underlying power issues.

Is it worth reporting to the police? Even though nothing may be done but in case others come forward and report similar. I’ve often wondered about how seriously they’d take it.

Do you really thunk you’ve given him a sleepless night, op? Why?

He won't be having a sleepless night

Well done for getting out of both abusive relationships.

Hopefully you confronting him will make him think about his behaviour.

If a man did that to me, even my husband when I was asleep or without my permission, I would have jumped a mile and he would have ended up with damaged 'bits'.

I would NOT have pretended to be asleep.

“I am not interested in your reply to me,I am not planning to take this further. I just want you to know that when someone is asleep it is not ok to put your fingers inside someone’s body. For sex to be consensual a person has to be awake. Please take respect seriously In future“

Then block him.

It needs a trigger warning. MNHQ? Anybody there?

I wouldn’t be telling him that I wouldn’t report it, why give him that relief. He deserves to stew. Horrible behaviour.

I just wanted him to think about what he did and I think he will now be having a sleepless night

He was thinking very clearly what he was doing to you that night. He likely doesn't give a shit what you say. It's a crime, although good luck getting a bastard like this prosecuted and he will know this, IMO a heinous one, and I'm really sorry for what you, and others on the thread have been through

A woman is raped every six minutes in the UK, assault is more common than that, yet so few cases are prosecuted. Even fewer convicted and sentencing (I was going to say light, but it's less than that) so lenient it's like someone was drunk and pissed in the street. The system needs immediate change.

Although I'm male, as someone raped and sexually assaulted, I don't think this needs a trigger warning either tbh.

He has probably been fondling himself to pornography (which should by banned for men in my humble opinion), thinking about how those men just get away with it. I really think it's discusting to know some men actually think like this and think they can get away with it.

Should be banned completely imo.

@Moragen be careful with your words. They come close to victim blaming. It's a natural response to freeze.

Don't try and talk to him about this. It will just create different drama. Focus on why you felt it was wrong and why you didn't at the time and who's body is it because it's your body and you have the right to say no to someone who tries to touch it - really, that is the truth.

It needs a trigger warning. MNHQ? Anybody there?

NightWatch here, but can't alter the title - will report to HQ and they can decide to add a trigger or not in the morning.

Hope you're ok, OP

Moragen
Well lucky you. So much better than that aren't you. You wouldn't allow that to happen to you. How so much more superior you are to women who just allow these dreadful things to happen to them. How weak they are .

But even if you were sleeping on your front it’d be quite noticeable that someone was poking a finger up your anus?

Nice victim blaming there.

OP, we're just adding a trigger warning to your title.