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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hesitate to report this relative for fraud?

84 replies

IABUQueen · 31/07/2019 01:38

Few months ago, a relative of mine asked my DH for a favor. My DH is a yes man and doesn’t have a lot of insight into my relatives lives because they only see each other on occasion.

This favor was to take a sum of money, 2 grand, in cash. And to transfer this money to a third party through the bank.

Now this relative is “close” to me. They made it sound urgent and said they needed it ASAP as of now. So within an hour this was done and DH didn’t question anything. He just assumed it’s a trustworthy thing since they’re related to me.

Now.. this person and I had previously discussed in the past how it’s wrong to avoid paying taxes.. I didn’t have my facts and details to confront but I alluded to it. They responded defensively saying how they’re forced to hide some of the income in their business otherwise they will lose out on benefits and it will make them work around the clock. They have a pretty easy laid back life.

So I confronted at that point and said I think it is immoral because their could be a more deserving family for those benefits. Their reasons is that they don’t want to work a 9-5, that the mother wants to be a stay at home mum and that they need to save up for holidays.

So I kept my nose out of it not to fall out. Shared my discontent.. didn’t tell my DH as I didn’t think it will concern him.

However I was very annoyed when they involved him as I believe the money they gave him was undeclared money and they wanted to “clean it” through us.. I’m annoyed because they know my opinion and I believe they intentionally made sure I don’t find out before it works out.

Now that they’ve done this, I feel like they’ve given me grounds to report them.

But I feel aweful to do so. I’m having a battle with my morals.

Part of me wants to do it to stop them.. part of me thinks im not in their circumstances and so can’t judge... part of me feels like I would find it hard to face them again after I report them as it will be seen as serious betrayal.

What would u do ?

OP posts:
Aridane · 31/07/2019 02:27

Leave alone. You've made your point (and you May get your DH into trouble for colluding)

Qwerty09876 · 31/07/2019 02:43

Leave it alone and don't do anything like that again for them, if they have asked anyone you know to do it, then tell those people why you refused as I agree no one should be dragged into their mess especially with tax man!
If you report them your DH may get into trouble.

Asta19 · 31/07/2019 02:53

If you report them (and they are committing fraud/tax evasion) your DH will also be arrested for money laundering. I work in this field and I have seen people convicted in similar circumstances. Never do anything like this again. Money laundering is a serious offence, even with very small amounts.

HUZZAH212 · 31/07/2019 03:45

Well you could report them but as pp have stated you'd basically be reporting your DH for being a party to fraud, and it sounds like he's only done it because they're your relatives. Maybe you should have given him a heads up it was dodgy beforehand?

Screamanger · 31/07/2019 03:50

It’s money laundering, I would forget about it, not a big deal unless it happens 5 times more

Monty27 · 31/07/2019 03:54

He sounds too trusting.

HUZZAH212 · 31/07/2019 04:02

And why would you share your discontent with your relative but not mention it to your DH? And then want to now run to report them to authorities? Sounds quite bizarre tbh. Surely you would have said 'hang on! No we're not being a party to this'. And why raise it months past the event? Have you fallen out with your DH and want to drag him into something he wasn't even made aware of by yourself as he took it on face value as it's your family? Very odd imo.

Hundredacrewoods · 31/07/2019 04:06

Sorry but your DH is a mug

AgentProvocateur · 31/07/2019 04:19

Why did you collide in benefit fraud/tax evasion?

Original poster
IABUQueen · 31/07/2019 04:59

As I explained. I was totally unaware of the transaction until AFTER it happened. I was very angry with it.

DH is too trusting. He didn’t know what was going on. He has respect for that relative...

I had no idea I needed to tell him everything about them because this was their first ever interaction and first time ever coming to my house... uninvited..

As I said, they made sure I don’t know about it in time to stop it.

The third party is also someone we know. Someone they owed money to within the family.

OP posts:
HUZZAH212 · 31/07/2019 05:06

Okay, so the ship has long sailed and the issue won't be repeated? Other than dragging your DH into trouble what are you now looking for then?

forkfun · 31/07/2019 05:16

@HUZZAH212 please just read the OP's posts. She's struggling with a moral dilemma. Whether to report her relative for tax evasion or not.

OP, for what it's worth, I wouldn't because of your husband's involvement. You need to talk to him though about his actions. I would also talk to relative. Make it clear you understand what he has done and explain that he's dragged your family into this mess. Let him know you will have nothing to do with this illegal activity. I'd also let other family members know. It's not just morally wrong robot pay taxes, it is a crime.

Original poster
IABUQueen · 31/07/2019 05:17

I guess I’m quite pissed off at that relative and has since been NC with them.

I guess im pissed off and thought I should be reporting to clear my conscience but guess not.

It occurred to me only yesterday that this was money laundering. Still haven’t told DH. I was pissed off about it instantly that they’re expecting us to cover up their mess, without even getting me to consent, about something I already shared strong disapproval about.

But last night I thought about it again... and I realised they’ve made us collude.

I’m just so angry and needed to unpick what’s the right thing to do in this situation.

OP posts:
HUZZAH212 · 31/07/2019 05:21

And I can understand your frustration and annoyance that they've 'gotten away with it'. However if it meant it might bring my own partner (inadvertently), and myself and immediate family into more trouble just to pull someone else up on behaving shitty. I'd just chalk it up to experience. If your DH ends up getting done for benefit fraud it'll impact on his career from now on. Is it worth it just because you're pissed off with your own relative taking advantage of his good nature? Potentially he's not 'stupid', he just didn't believe his wife's (your) family would be cunts 😕

Original poster
IABUQueen · 31/07/2019 05:24

Would I be unreasonable to make MASSIVE deal about this to the relative and let the rest of the family members know what they did?

Also isn’t benefit fraud investigations separate to HMRC?

OP posts:
HUZZAH212 · 31/07/2019 05:25

@forkfun I did read OP's post thats why i responded. As myself, yourself, and every other person on the thread has stated - regardless of the moral dilemma she'd still be reporting her own DH for being a party to the fraud too.

Original poster
IABUQueen · 31/07/2019 05:27

Is there no way to come clean ?!!! I can ask my DH to do the reporting. I really don’t want any part of this shit.

OP posts:
Nautiloid · 31/07/2019 05:29

I would assume that DH wouldn't get into trouble as he thought he was helping, relative couldn't get to the bank etc. Is that naïve?

Original poster
IABUQueen · 31/07/2019 05:32

Nautiloid this is exactly what he had thought as he was caught in the moment of a haste transaction. “Need to transfer money ASAP and won’t have time to do it in time through bank as I finish work late”.

OP posts:
HUZZAH212 · 31/07/2019 05:38

Who has 2k in cash though? Unless they're a builder or drug dealer most people only have that amount of cash if they've withdrawn it for a purchase. And what reason would they give for not doing a direct deposit or transfer?

Original poster
IABUQueen · 31/07/2019 05:41

The guy owns his own small retail business.. cash purchases ..

OP posts:
NoCauseRebel · 31/07/2019 05:44

Would I be unreasonable to make MASSIVE deal about this to the relative and let the rest of the family members know what they did? what for? What can possibly be achieved by stirring this up with the whole family. You’ll just look like a stirring gossip monger even though what he’s done is immoral.

But ultimately your dh was a part of it so if you go stirring with the family he’ll come back with “but x’s dh was happy to be a part of it all” and then it becomes a he said, she said mess.

Putting it simply, your dh was stupid to transfer money to someone else’s bank account without any knowledge of this, you were both stupid to lend money to someone else in the first place. Also, if your dh and this family member made sure you didn’t know about it until it was too late I wouldn’t be so sure about your dh being an innocent bystander either. He knew what he was doing. And he knew it was wrong otherwise he wouldn’t have felt the need to keep it a secret.

I’d say stay well away, and let your dh know that he’s a party to money laundering which carries a prison sentence and would be reasonable grounds for divorce.

Original poster
IABUQueen · 31/07/2019 05:49

you were both stupid to lend money to someone else in the first place.

Hmm we didn’t.

And the whole thing happened in an hour. Yes my DH should’ve told me.. I know why he didn’t. He literally didn’t think much of it and he knows I don’t like him doing favors for my relatives.

OP posts:
Original poster
IABUQueen · 31/07/2019 05:57

If you report them (and they are committing fraud/tax evasion) your DH will also be arrested for money laundering. I work in this field and I have seen people convicted in similar circumstances. Never do anything like this again. Money laundering is a serious offence, even with very small amounts.

Asta, even if it happened only once? Is there not many cases of ppl dragged in without realising ?

OP posts:
HUZZAH212 · 31/07/2019 06:07

To be honest are you sure it's not just a case of a banking service going down and your relative asking DH to transfer the amount to a wholesaler to prevent a stoppage of goods? Natwest went down for 48hrs a while back and it caused absolute mayhem.