My neighbour just died.

[Candymay]

My neighbour died today. He was not old. It looks like an accidental overdose. I was called by his panicked lodger and I tried to see if I could save him. I think he had been dead a while although she said he was breathing moments before. I feel very sad seeing him like that and I feel almost like I have intruded on him. But I had to help out and try to comfort the lodger who was in a terrible state of shock and distress. I feel strangely calm despite this event and that doesn’t feel right. I felt a bit cold because I managed to check his body and call the police and talk to his friends etc. I don’t know why I’m writing on here. Just to share with strangers so I hope no one minds me writing it here. I really hope I’m not upsetting or offending anyone. I don’t have anyone to talk to apart from the children and I’m trying to keep them from any distress.

I am so sorry.

What a shock it must have been. Well done for remaining calm

How sad poor man. Also you and the lodger having to deal with him and see him this way.

Im sure you were as respectful as you could be. You might be in a bit of shock, so it's good to write about it, and make yourself a small snack and drink, and try to unwind a bit. Hope your dc are ok.
RIP neighbour.

What a terrible shock

I rarely post her although I've been registered for ages.

Just wanted to say you have done really well and your best. How horribleness or you and the lodger, but you were there.

Hold on you have done brilliantly. Iwould like /love a neighbour like you.

Well done for maintaining your nerve and taking control - sometimes being "cold" is what is required and you did what you had to do.

You're probably in shock - take time to process what's gone on and keep chatting if you need to. Prepare for all sorts of emotions over the next few days.

Take care.

Oh poor you . You’re in shock which is why you feel calm, I should think.

A few years back my next door neighbour died (also drugs related). I didn’t go over as he was already dead when the ambulance got there, but it was a really disturbing day, watching him being carried out on a stretcher, his adult dc arriving and having the news broken to them.

It probably will hit you in the coming days so be kind to yourself x

Poor you. An awful position to be in. Take care of yourself. Talk to another adult. The police should offer you some support. The police should also investigate as this is a sudden and unexplained death.
Can you phone a friend or relative today to talk over how you feel.
Your child ( depending on age) may not be aware of what has happened. I would explain in very simple terms.
Take care of yourself in good ways - go for a walk, talk, hot bath, find some nice flowers - just a cheap bunch supermarket, lighting a candle and sitting and allowing yourself some space can be a simple thing to do.

You did very well. I'm sorry that happened.

That's horrible for you. It sounds like you are in shock but you did a good job. It must be unsettling and there's nothing wrong with feeling strange about it for a while and wanting to talk about it.

You did great, even though the outcome was not what you hoped for.

I’m so sorry, OP. This happened to me five years ago. The neighbours’ son knocked on my door asking for help as his Gran was in the pool and he couldn’t get her out; it turned out she had drowned some hours before. I pulled her out and tried resuscitate her but there was no chance. I closed her eyes for her. It was a horrible day and I still think about her often.

My best advice to you is give yourself some space to rest and relax if you can. It’s okay to feel strange and off for a while. Let the kids watch TV or play on their iPads today. It’s totally OK.

Thanks for the kind comments.
It’s going to be hard to get to sleep tonight. I’ve only just got the children to bed (2am). I’m calm but it was a very shocking evening. I don’t have anyone to talk to but tomorrow I will try to call someone to talk it through.
The police finished at the house and after his body was taken out the police said there was nothing more for them to do and that his friends and lodger can access the house as normal. I had expected them to investigate this more. One of his friends just flew out of the country and he has been staying next door for months prior to this.

Well done for staying calm and doing all the right things. That must have been very difficult. In this sort of situation, adrenaline can kick in and it's not til the crash of the rush that you react. It will probably hit you. It's a big deal. And it's OK to let those feelings out, cry, whatever.

If you need to tell someone and you have no options in real life (and not everyone can hear things like you’ve told us), The Samaritans will always listen.
Well done to you for being there when someone needed you, it’s not easy. Take care x

Well done for your calm demeanour. This is a strength, not a sign of something wrong with you.

It seems the event has hit you in slow motion.
You can ring the Samaritans any time, day or night. They are always there if you want to talk.
www.samaritans.org/

and RIP neighbour.

I was also going to suggest the Samaritans (116 123). They aren't just for people who are in emotional distress, they're there for exactly this kind of thing too. You may benefit from offloading tonight (or you may not, it's your call).

Don't over analyse how you reacted. It sounds like you did a great job. Some people (I'm one of them) do remain calm and level headed in a crisis. Be kind to yourself and don't underestimate what you've been through tonight

You did very well and were so calm. Great job. I am sure the lodger and the people you called appreciated you being there. I'll bet the adrenaline was pumping. It does take a while to come down from that. I also recommend talking through it will someone to debrief if you find yourself dwelling on it. It will help you put it behind you and reassure you that you did the right thing. All the best.

Sorry to hear that Candymay.

It will have been adrenaline not coldness. You have reacted as you were needed. Like when people can lift cars off people trapped. You will be feeling the shock now so try to drink something warm and sweet. Have a biscuit or something as well.
Like others have said be very kind to yourself for a few days. I was also thinking as I read your OP that you could ring the Samaritans. DDs boyfriend has been a listening ear for ages. They are trained for this sort of thing as well. Sometimes they will hand you on because some of the call handlers are more thoroughly trained. Please ring them.
You did a wonderful thing in trying to help. The lodger might want to talk tomorrow.

You handled yourself very well, and I know what you experienced having dealt with this myself more than once. The poor man, and how awful for the lodger. You clearly were a strong and comforting presence at such a difficult time. It's an unsettling thing to go through, but you will be just fine in time. Don't bury your feelings, whatever they are. If you need to take a day to cry then do it. I'm so sorry about this.

It seems very quick for the police to say there's nothing more for them to do. How do they know already it was an accident without a post mortem? You saying about his friend leaving the country implies suspicion.

Shock may set in today. Look after yourself.

What an awful experience. Sounds like you coped brilliantly. Look after yourself today.

Someone needed to be thinking clearly so you did WONDERFULLY well.
I’m so sorry.

Oh my word. What a shock.

I’m sure the lodger was immensely grateful you were there. They may well want to talk to you again (possibly several times ) to process what happened.

Let them have the Samaritans number as well.

It will be investigated. An unexpected death has to be. Unless they were known to be terminally ill, and had recent gp contact there will have to be a PM. This will inform any further action.