To be offended?

[Myshoesarenew]

This is probably massively outing but I was sat in a work briefing day today listening to a bunch of talks. A man was talking about a funding programme that he works on and was talking about the process of getting a team together and submitting a bid. I’m sure it was lighthearted but he made a comment about how putting the bid together and submitting it was arduous like gestating and giving birth. AIBU to find this offensive? He doesn’t have any knowledge of what gestating or pushing a baby out might feel like, and coordinating a funding bid is not in any way comparable. I know he was making a joke but I feel like it was just devaluing what women actually go through. It was a throwaway comment but it’s still bothering me. I’m considering emailing him to ask him to reconsider saying that in future.

Christ alive. Don't be so tedious.

I'm a strong believer in that we choose to take offence, we aren't passively offended. Get a grip.

This is exactly what is wrong with society. Even if it wasn't meant seriously, it is exactly these kinds of comments that contribute to a society that doesn't take women's maternity issues seriously, including appropriate medical aftercare, parental leave provisions, state funding for childcare, birthing facilities etc. Even if not meant to cause any harm, comments like this promote a system in which child-bearing problems are accepted as normal and in little to no need to be reviewed or improved - women just need to toughen up and accept it as natural. Can you imagine what the world would be like if roles were reversed?

FFS

Not every slightly daft or insensitive comment requires to be followed up with a telling off via email. People say awkward or inappropriate things sometimes, and the generous human response is to raise an internal eyebrow and let it go.

If this colleague exhibits a pattern of sexist or inappropriate behaviour then you should absolutely raise it with your line manager. But if it's literally just this one off comment, I think it would be inappropriate for you to email him.

Life can be difficult enough without actively seeking out things that may offend you. I hope you are always as careful in your comments, lest you offend others.

P.S. I’m glad you didn’t email him. You would have looked pathetic.