NC for this.
I’m coming to the end of my pregnancy, first child, first grandchild for my mum and dad.
Dad has (as usual) been amazing, laid back, respectful of my wishes, no questions asked - brilliant.
Mother however has from the start questioned me, went against my wishes, stuck her nose in where it’s not wanted, made everything about her, dictated to me and just generally pissed me off.
My mother and I have generally had a negative relationship for as long as I can remember, we are very different people and just don’t get along.
So not to drip feed here are a few of the things that have pissed me off from the start.
- asking repeatedly to come to scans despite being told I’d rather it was just between me and DP but of course I’d get photos for her to keep. Again, we don’t have a close relationship.
- I don’t like things being plastered on social media - I find it intrusive and unnecessary. As far as I’m concerned, if I don’t see/speak to you on a regular basis then you don’t need to know my business. For this reason I only have very close friends and family on my SM. Mother however, has people she can’t stand, doesn’t trust, doesn’t bother with etc all for the “one-up-manship” of smug posts about how fantastic life is.
I respectfully told her not to be posting anything on social media, and not to be telling anybody else (her friends) that I was pregnant until I was past 12 weeks. She was annoyed by this, questioned me why, asked me multiple times if she could put my scan pictures on her IG - after me saying no several times.
- Then, when I started telling people outside of my immediate family, I got a phone call from her asking me why I never told her it wasn’t a secret anymore and that I was out of order because she wanted to start telling people herself.
I said to her that I wasn’t aware I needed to inform her each time I told somebody I was expecting and that I’d still appreciate if she didn’t scream it from the rooftops (I did this in a nice way, as I fully understand how excited she is) the reason I asked this is because she loves to share information with anyone who will listen and again I’m quite a private person. I did explain she could tell her friends as that’s not a problem
- shortly after this conversation I went on IG to find I’d been tagged in a post by somebody. This person was the son of my mothers friend from college, who I don’t speak to or know very well, nor has my mother saw said friend for about 13 years. My mother had contacted her son, to tell him to tell his mum I was expecting. Again, I don’t even know this person but he had somehow obtained a photo of me and DP and posted a baby announcement on his own SM. I obviously knew straight away that this had came from my mother so called her to confront her about it - ended up in one of many bust ups and an argument about how I was “suppressing her natural instincts”, “taking away her joy”, “not letting her be involved” - I hadn’t even told all of my own friends yet and I had some stranger posting about me on SM! It ended on me telling her to keep her mouth shut as it wasn’t her news to be shouting about.
- she made a big deal out of “sitting me and DP down” to discuss babysitting the baby overnight when it’s newborn, I told her quite clearly this would not be happening as baby will 1. Be getting used to new surroundings 2. Need me 3. Be breastfed. And 4. In what world does a mother let their newborn just go and sleep 15+ miles away from them?? This of course was taken as me pushing her out.
- next came the gender. My DPs (very large) family are very serious about not wanting to know the sex of any babies due, so for this reason we decided that myself and my DP would find out but keep it to ourselves to avoid any of family slipping up to DPs family etc. To throw people off scent, we decided we would just tell people we never ended up finding out, therefore if we said he/she in conversation it wouldn’t be obvious.
My mother called me on the day of the 20 week scan crying (literally) saying I wasn’t including her on anything, she felt pushed out blah blah. So out of kindness, I said to her “this is a secret but we are going to find out the sex of baby, don’t tell anyone because we don’t want to slip up” and gave the reasons above. She was happy i told her that, was fine with not knowing the sex, and agreed to keep it a secret that we found out. Next thing I know is I’ve got my grandmother on the phone asking to know what the baby is because my mother told her we were finding out, both of them were then trying to trip us up on revealing what we’re having. I confronted my mother and she absolutely flew off of the handle, saying I was unfair to expect her to keep it a secret (she agreed!), I was unfair to exclude my grandmother, I’m a nightmare during pregnancy (every other person in my life has commented on how laid back and easy going I have been), that I’m a nasty piece of work and her words she wants to know “fuck all” else about the baby.
- my partner then slipped up to my mother by saying “she” when talking about the baby, this was the whole reason why we weren’t telling anybody we found out. Obviously my mother took this and ran. Since then it’s been “I can’t WAIT for the baby to be born so I can tell everyone I’ve known all along” and tbh, I don’t believe for a minute she hasn’t told anyone. DP has since told my dad and his sister that were expecting a girl - so the whole secret has gone to shit basically, but his parents still really don’t want to know, which I respect
- last week was my baby shower, since people have already started finding out it’s a girl, I’m honestly past caring about the secret, so told my two aunts what I was expecting, my mother allegedly overheard this, came storming across the room telling me how rude and disrespectful I was to tell my aunts and not DPs mum. I had a bit of a go at her and told her DPs mum doesn’t want to know (she already knows this) and to keep her nose out and don’t be so rude to shout at me at my baby shower. She went off sulking but then told my nan, her friend, and her friends daughter I’m expecting a girl.
- today we’ve ended up having a huge argument about the baby shower and she was name calling, saying she’s glad I’m having a girl because she’ll be a bitch like me (disgusting comment), I’m disrespectful, I do nothing but leave her out, I should be consulting her before telling people the sex, I should’ve consulted her in the earlier days when I was telling people I was expecting. It ended up in a massive row and tbh I’m glad I got it all off my chest but as usual she’s ended up crying and guilt tripping me.
Sorry for the long post but these are just a few of the many things she’s done during the pregnancy. She’s so dramatic and negative about everything at this point I don’t even want her being around the baby passing on the negativity. AIBU to not speak to her for a while?