...to be annoyed at lack of details on invitations?

[notjustanexpat]

I hate it. Every time we have a formal party or just a gathering with more than a hand full of people who know each other, I briefly mention what the plan is and give some damn indication of what to wear (e.g. " we often all take the dogs for a walk later, a jacket/flats might be handy"). Basically, if it isn't just friends popping over, there will be some info in some form or shape.

Nobody seems to do that anymore. We are invited to a housewarming, which I'd usually dress down for (everyday me wears pretty dresses with full make-up, apparently that is too much for many). However, they've invited a billion people (up to 2.5h travel time), are renting chairs and have a caterer, all of which screams "semi-formal" or "business casual" to me.

If I'd ask I know the answer will be "whatever you are comfortable in" which is just not helpful. Find a middle line. For example, our wedding was formal attire but I know one guy would be terribly miserable in formal clothes, so I explained that I really don't care what he wears, as long as he could deal with everyone else being in fancy clothes. Give me some damn idea of what to expect!

All we know is, there will be some food and some chairs. I'll make an informed guess in the end but I am so annoyed right now!

If I’m honest I don’t find this a problem but then I’m interested that you say your every day look is too much for many as if that’s how you want to dress then you should.

My everyday look is something like this with make-up and no jewellery. And yes, I have had more than one occasion on which people pointed out it was "too fancy" because everybody else was in jeans and t-shirts.

I find it easier to throw on a comfy dress but as I said, my inner grumpy old woman will make an informed guess and hope for the best.

Well I think YANBU but I know I get het up over dress code details. I like to know if it’s a jeans and a T-shirt get together or make a bit more effort.

It doesn’t seem to bother other people as much so sometimes I think it is me that’s being unreasonable.

I think a dress will be fine - a house warming that’s catered doesn’t sound like a jeans and t shirt affair - if it was a bbq then maybe. I’d err in the dressier dude for this one.
I do have s friend who wears jeans, t and plaid shirt no matter what the occasion (well, maybe not to a wedding). We all went to a pre prom party for our kids and obviously the kids were all dressed up and must parents made an effort (dresses) but a couple women wore jeans and both said they felt awkward. Doesn’t seem to count for men though they seem to get away with anything!

Maybe they just don't care what you wear? I can't say it would occur to me to give a dress code for a housewarming (or any social event short of black tie tbh). Just wear what you normally wear and shrug off any comments about being overdressed.

Isn't that a dressing gown? I love the idea that your going out clothes are less fancy than your regular clothes.

Unless there's a specific activity that would require specific clothing then I couldn't care less what my friends wear.

We like our friends knowing how they dress. Unless it's a formal event or a specific activity then why would anyone want to change how they dress to suit?

I would think your yellow frock would be absolutely fine for a housewarming, whether it's casual or 'business casual.'
It looks comfortable and if other people are in jeans, so what?

Maybe they just don't care what you wear?

This, plus not imagining their guests caring about what each other are wearing!

I imagine they want to see you, not a particular outfit.
Just wear whatever you feel best in. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

I am so sorry OP but this is so very Jilly Cooper world problems 😂😂😂

I do like the inclusion of your dress sense. You clearly move in some interesting circles, I would just be myself and wear what I want! Maybe have some flats and a jacket in the car?

I agree! That is why my 'uniform' has become some nice trousers, and a fancy top. Doesn't look TOO dressed up, because it's trousers, but the fancy top means I won't look too underdressed if everyone else is dressed up. I hate heels anyway, so just wear some fancy flats.

Just as an example, I have no idea what food they are getting. It is likely to be a buffet served on the patio or inside. 90% of my summer shoes are high-ish heels, which I am perfectly happy to walk and stand in all day. However, if I end up balancing a paper plate in the middle of a lawn, that will affect my choice of shoes. If we are primarily inside, I'd wear something sleeveless if we are primarily outside, I need something light and long-sleeved (my skin reacts to sunscreen...).

For the record, I care somewhat about what people will think of me, of course I do, but have had the situation in which I'm overdressed often enough to know how to deal with it. However, at the same time it seems make other people feel guilty for not making the effort, which of course they shouldn't.

Is a "we'll switch the t-shirts for some nice shirts but please come in whatever you are comfortable with" really too much to ask? As I said, any indication of what to expect would be helpful.

We will be traveling 2h, I don't really want to carry an extra pair of shoes, a shawl, or whatever else to change into.

I only wear dresses I like them and I don't actually care what other people think. I follow the dress codes for events and invitations but might dress up loads randomly because I feel like it. I always try to believe that everyone else is overdressed/underdressed and I am about right. Your style looks gorgeous just wear it with aplomb and you will always look right.

I’ve only ever seen dress codes on wedding invites, and I’ve never been given more information on food than “barbecue” or “dinner”.

So you might just need to accept that most people don’t give much info on invites and opt for the safest/most flexible option - eg I always have comfortable shoes that I can go outside in, always have layers so I can adjust for sunshine and temperature, etc.

Wear a sleeveless dress, take a wrap and a pair of flat sandals/flipflops in your bag

I imagine they want to see you, not a particular outfit.

That's a bit presumptive- OP might be awful company, only redeemed by her impeccable dress sense.

Yanbu
We get invited to a lot of lunches/ parties / dinners and I fret about the dress code. I also wear a dress, make up and heels most days and sometimes look ‘too smart’ (even though it’s what I’d wear to Tesco - minus the heels!)

"we'll switch the t-shirts for some nice shirts but please come in whatever you are comfortable with"

TBH I don't understand how this would help you decide whether to wear something sleeveless or not, or what shoes to wear?

If it's a housewarming with a buffet I'd assume that people will be in and out of the house and garden depending on the weather. So wear block heels, or flats, or whatever. If you end up on the grass a lot then you can always kick them off and go barefoot. Look at the weather forecast before you go or take a cardi. Or just ask the host! You're massively overthinking it

Clearly I move in much less formal circles but if having a house warming or any kind of party I just need to know basics like "bring a bottle" or "please bring an extra chair". I would only travel 2 hours for a housewarming if my friends had moved into a large stately home and would let me sleep over.
Perhaps your friends assume you will look at the weather and decide if you might need inside/outside shoes and how wafty your frock should be. Unless they are also hiring a marquee then they won't know at this stage whether it will be raining and able to eat outside.

I'm with you Op. It's fine if you know the people well well, but a nightmare if you don't. I bit of a guide isn't too much to ask is it?

You are massively over thinking this.

No one mentions it because no one cares.

Dress code is only ever indicated if it's black tie or a deviation from the norm...ie a funeral but don't wear black or a casual wedding

You do you, and don’t worry about the reactions from others. I like fashion and I’m tall, so anything I wear seems to be smart/glamorous compared to 90% of people. I used to try and dress down and ‘match’ other people, to avoid the ‘oh your just SO glamorous!’ comments, which feel like a veiled dig a lot of the time. Now I just wear what I want, and say ‘thanks’ when people comment on it. Since I’ve stop giving a shit people seem to comment less! It’s how I roll 😉

Wear your lovely dress and heels. Pop flats and a jacket in a bag you take (leave in the car, or hide it under a chair) so you can adjust to standing/weather. Ignore comments on how dressed up you are, you are clearly stylish on a normal day so why dress down!

Reading threads like these on Mumsnet has made me realise I live in a completely different world to most.

Just ask if you're that worried. If they know you well enough to invite you a housewarming 2 hours away then you should know them well enough to give them a call to ask what the plan is.

I'm curious though, why would you all go off to walk the dogs at a formal party?! What if one of your guests doesn't want to walk the dogs? Do you just bugger off anyway?