To want to walk out and start over...

[FookMeFookYou]

This is in response to yet another job rejection due to my 'circumstances'

The circumstances being that I'm currently a SAHM with an 18m and 9 year old. I'm HR qualified, have six recent job related qualifications and been out of PAID work for 2 years having relocated and fallen pregnant just before moving (following years of infertility).

I'm heading for a minimum wage job and I fucking resent it. I've worked too bloody hard to stay current and evidence my CPD to keep being rejected for jobs that I am more than qualified for.

I resent my circumstances totally and I just want to leave all this behind and start again on my own. No responsibilities other than myself.

To make matters worse my DH career is flying (of fucking course) and I'm on the shit heap at 37!! Honesty I've truly had enough...

Before anyone jumps on me - I love my kids but me having a prolonged career break was not through choice. No one else's plans changed, only mine...

And of course there is nothing wrong with earning minimum wage - a job is a job, however I want to recommence my career in my chosen industry which I have worked really hard for.

A productive career break and one extra child should not be a barrier to that!

So pissed off right now...

And this isn’t just about me, I can’t imagine how many companies are missing out on intellectual women (or men but not as frequently)who are damn good at there jobs because they need to be seen in the role 9-5 Monday to Friday!

Yes, they'd find out sooner or later about your commitments, but at the first impressions stage the only thing you want them to be focused on is how amazing you are and what a great fit you'd be for their role.

If you instead start bringing in details of your commitments, and family life, and arrangements you'd need from them, etc etc not only are you cluttering their focus on you and distracting them (do you want them to remember your performance or your circs?), but you're also pulling them out of their happy "this person is perfect for us yippee" place by making them think about tedious, mundane stuff and reminding them of any problems or irritations they might have with managing existing or previous staff.

First impressions can be very, very hard to alter and you can't afford to get it wrong when you're job hunting. It's just human nature, unfortunately. Restrict your first impression to all the great professional qualities you'd bring to their organisation. Save the rest for later.

One step at a time. Focus on first impressions. Get them to love you. Keep them in their happy bubble. Only bring in the other stuff when the job is yours and you actually have to start those discussions.

^ Very well said.

@CatyaPurella HR jobs are few and far between here and I think they get snapped up quickly by ppl who employers believe are more able to 'commit' to the role because they hold this outdated view that commitment means you live, eat and breathe the role. It's like @gingajewel said that working p/t means ppl make assumptions about your ability and aspirations.

The fact I mentioned my children wasn't anything he didn't already know as it's in my CV to explain the current (2 years and counting...) career break. I've had other versions where it states that I bought and renovated a property which is also true but then they just say "well you've not worked directly in the role for two years"

I just can't win atm

@anon812 southeast, large boom town but it's behind in infrastructure, facilities and job availability.

You may be thinking why tf did you move there then... The main reasons for our move was to get on the property ladder which never would have happened in London, have a garden/outdoor space for our son and better school/senco provision. All sensible reasons and perfectly workable with our son at the age he was. Not so easy now we have two and my DH commutes to London daily.

I will keep applying because I don't give up easily. Like you say things do pick up at certain times of the year. Fingers x'd I find something

@W1nnerW2nner bloody brexit, but yes employers are rightly cautious. That I can understand.

Claiming you are flexible when clearly you are not just pisses me off though. Essentially false advertising. And sending me a text is very unprofessional

@Bourbonbiccy few and far between so I'm applying for level appropriate roles and below to widen the amount I can apply for, plus also other roles that I have experience of.

Haven't spoke to agencies specifically about the current market but based on my own observations having applied for enough jobs over the last two years and checking the usual sites nigh on daily sometimes, I know it's going to be partly luck and partly right place right time to find something I actually want to do

@thetimekeeper you're right. I'm looking at this more positively than I was earlier his lack of professionalism would be a no no for me considering we would have been working together closely.

I'll keep schtum about my circs and work on my CV and building my confidence ready for interview. Hopefully they'll be like buses... 👍🏼

@gingajewel joint venture in HR consultancy?? 😁

Seems like an obvious point but you are using Mumsnet Jobs aren't you? It would be a pretty unreasonable employer who hired you via Mums et and complained you were a mum! I have also seen HR work on PeoplePerHour. I think you need to get any reasonable work to end that CV gap.

@FookMeFookYou haha yep!! Sometimes I think this is the only way forward, however I haven’t got the guts!!!

@Phineyj I'm trying, applying for alternative roles as well as those I want to do. I have many transferable skills. Just the job market here is shite.

Looking at most sites but haven't tried MN for a while as they are rarely local/commutable

@gingajewel I think I'm at the point where if I had a little bit of money behind me I'd make the leap. So sick of this merry-go-round

Sending you positive vibes 👌🏼

Apply for jobs you can't do just yet, but could do with some training. Lots of women do not apply for those jobs, only the ones they can comfortably do. Aim higher!

Would remote working be an option? I work for a charity and we outsource our HR to a person we've never met face to face. I can send you a link to them if their business model might interest you.

Sounds silly but you'd be surprised!

Go above those you can do easily!

How do you know you didn't get the job because of the reasons you think. Was that the feedback you were given or are you just making assumptions?

@Neverender I'm reaching for the sky but need to give similar attention to the foot in the door jobs

@JohnLapsleyParlabane definitely interested, please chuck me a link thank you

@Carroten because we didn't hold a long enough conversation for it to be anything else. One minute we are meeting for a face to face interview and the next thing I'm dropped by text. Not sure what other conclusion I could come to.

Another HR Professional feeling 'on the scrapheap before I'm 40' here @FookMeFookYou.

I was made redundant from my HR Business Partner role when I was expecting DD2 and had a decent redundancy payout (which included 6 months full and 6 months half maternity pay and bonus), so I was able to take 2 years off - which at the time felt like a real blessing. I took the time to do some more HR related qualifications, kept up to date with changes in Employment Law etc. and felt in a relatively strong position when I was ready to go back to work.

I applied for HR Adviser roles, feeling happy to take a step down as I knew I was looking for something flexible and ideally PT which is obviously less likely at HRBP level, but after months and months of rejections ("you've been out of the game too long" ) I lowered my expectations and applied for HR Assistant roles. Eventually, I applied to a new organisation who were basically building their HR Team from scratch - I went for the HR Adviser role and was eventually offered an HR Administrator role - which I took, as I was desperate to stay in my field and hadn't any sniff of another offer.

I stayed there for 3 years, applying for every more senior HR role that came up, but I felt pigeon-holed as a Mum - because I worked part time and very occasionally (perhaps 4 times in those 3 years) was called away from work to collect a poorly child and I never managed to land a more senior role.

Eventually we moved 200 miles away, where the nearest 'town' (which was tiny) was 35 mins away and had very little in the way of organisations large enough to have their own HR Teams. I ended up taking a PT Office Admin role, simply because the hours fit in with our DDs.

I kept my HR knowledge up to date for that first year or so and at one stage, managed to land a 3 month FTC managing a 60+ person redundancy consultation, which (despite redundancy being a miserable process), felt incredible to get my teeth into and I was very successful and got some great feedback. Unfortunately, there just weren't the opportunities in that area, so I ended up back in an Office Admin Manager type role, where I stayed for 3 loooong years...

We moved to a large-ish city 2 years ago, where HR opportunities are plentiful, but so is competition! The really sad thing is that now, I've lost faith in myself - I can't picture myself as the dynamic HRBP I once was, even the thought of being an HR Adviser seems daunting to me now. I've lost my nerve and 'they' are finally right; I've been out of the game too long.

I've now found a job I enjoy, working FT now that our DDs are older, it's fulfilling and interesting - but unlike my HR days, I don't end up worrying about this project, or that person, or the disciplinary meeting next week when I'm laying in bed at night. But I DO miss using my brain for what I trained it to do and I resent all those late nights I stayed up finishing essays, or reading up on a relevant Tribunal.

I really hope that the right HR role for you is just round the corner, but I know exactly how you're feeling right now and my advice to you would be don't give up. I did and I regret it. Good luck OP

@BetsyBigNose your post resonates so much with me. My confidence is at an all time low. Dynamic to down-right-tragic summarises how I feel atm. I'm glad you are enjoying your current role and thank you for the well wishes 🙌🏼

It sounds like on this occasion though the reason the interview was cancelled is because you agreed a time, then had to rearrange due to an appointment that had been made a year before.

If I was setting up an interview with someone and they had to rearrange for that reason it would put me off, it shows a lack of organisation and foresight, I probably would also have other candidates lined up who hadn't tried to reorganise and inconvenienced me.

Getting a job is hard, getting a great job that fits around kids is incredibly hard, but you could have helped yourself here by being organised.

@Lwmommy we hadn't arranged a definite date or time. I said I would have to check my availability and confirm the best day for
next week which I did. My appointment is for 11-3 so throughout the best part of the day. So as not to take additional time out of his day I simply offered to meet him local to his office or if he was heading my way anyway, stating that an earlier appt would be preferred. That's the opposite to inconveniencing someone.