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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dh doesn’t get up till I’ve woken him about 5 times.

98 replies

RebornFlame · 30/07/2019 08:59

It’s such a manchild thing to do. Just get the fuck up and stop snoozing your alarm and saying to me ‘just 5 more minutes’.

I’m rushing around downstairs looking after two kids, trying to clean up and get ready for work.

AIBU to find this disrespectful?

OP posts:

Original poster

RebornFlame · 30/07/2019 21:00

I always wanted a partner that would embrace being a Dad. I never expected to be looked after and we’ve always both worked and been equal. Child raising bring out so many inequalities.

OP posts:

Original poster

RebornFlame · 30/07/2019 21:01

Sorry I didn’t mean to get so heavy. Just a response t monkey

OP posts:

shadowloveragain · 30/07/2019 21:02

Put them in the bedroom with him, close the door and tell the 6 year old to keep calling daddy until he is up! You need to nip the lazy parenting in the bud now!

MonkeyToesOfDoom · 30/07/2019 21:03

I think you should be getting heavy.. with him.. if he's a perfectly capable and efficient man whilst working, he shouldn't need such pandering to get his bum out of bed.

Redwinestillfine · 30/07/2019 21:04

Stop waking him. Let him get himself up then tell him how it makes you feel and let him figure out what to do. If he does nothing reassess.

Original poster

RebornFlame · 30/07/2019 21:07

redwine if I’m working I can just leave him to it as I need to go. If he’s working he’s better at getting up. If we’ve both got a rare day off together he will not get up till abort 9-10 ish

OP posts:

Original poster

RebornFlame · 30/07/2019 21:07

I mean i can’t

OP posts:

PixieLumos · 30/07/2019 21:27

I really don’t understand why you can’t just leave him to it - what do you think will happen? Will your children come to some kind of harm, because he can’t be arsed to get up and take care of them? Because if this is what’s worrying you and you can’t trust him to take care of his children properly then you as a family have a serious problem to deal with - it implies you think he’s capable of neglect.

kazillionaire · 31/07/2019 00:12

I am an incredibly deep sleeper and have eight alarms set plus my DP has to wake me up at least five times before I register him. Some people are just bettet at sleeping than others I guess!

kazillionaire · 31/07/2019 00:26

Just to add that I don't actually hear the alarms and can hold a conversation whilst asleep, have also answered my phone and been totally unaware of it!

WeLoveToBoogieOnASaturdayNight · 31/07/2019 02:43

@kazillionaire

That's not 'better at sleeping' - that's extremely problematic.

happycoffeedrinker1979 · 31/07/2019 06:29

My H does this. Now, I leave him to it and purposely tip toe around getting the kids up and ready as to not wake him and let him be late for work. He can learn the hard way

rosedream · 31/07/2019 06:33

He knows you'll do it or not stop him and he doesn't care enough to help.

It's sad that he's not interested in you or your children enough to want to help.

It's not just about letting them get away with it. It's the fact he doesn't care. If he did he'd help.

TemporaryPermanent · 31/07/2019 06:38

A relative of mine had this for 15 years- she got the kids up and sorted solo throughout that time.

They're divorcing now.

SuzieQQQ · 31/07/2019 06:41

Just get up, have breakfast, get the kids breakfast then leave him to it. I’d jump in the shower, sort myself and sale out the door. Fuck him and his disorganisation.

BertieBotts · 31/07/2019 06:46

Don't wait until you're desperate to bring issues up. Talk to him about it when you're both calm and not tired. Don't begrudge naps (sahp is tough in summer hols) but don't be a martyr either! You are just as worthy of rest as him. If you're too tired for him to go for a keep tell him.

I think there is such a split in the advice for men and women because it's based in an assumption that the man is doing it because he's being a lazy arse expecting his partner to "Mummy" him, as someone said, and that's such a common thread that it enrages people to see more blokes doing this. But whether he's being selfish, thoughtless or he actually has some medical problem with sleep reacting aggressively won't solve it anyway :o state the problem which is that you need to know he's on form with the DC before you leave and you don't feel safe leaving the baby unsupervised (duh) - and maybe also that you would hope he would have figured this out without needing to be told (!) but defo that it's causing stress and extra work for you in the morning.

Pricedrop · 31/07/2019 06:48

Can you leave for work early on Tuesdays? Before the kids are awake, so he HAS to get up with them, when they wake up. You could start work early? Or go to the gym? Similarly, go and do something after work...go out for dinner with a friend and get back after kids bedtime

sashh · 31/07/2019 06:55

15 months and 6 months or 6 years?

Assuming the first stay somewhere else next Monday. Hotel if you have spare cash, a friend's if you don't. Enjoy Monday evening and don't think about him, he can do
the getting up he chooses not to.

If you have to be there then I'd do all the sorting of children in the bedroom, change nappy, getting dressed, getting children dressed. Obviously you will need to have the radio on.

Fit a baby gate to the bedroom door and go off to work.

KatherineJaneway · 31/07/2019 07:06

Wet a flannel, take it to where he is sleeping, wring it out over his face. Job done.

mrssoap · 31/07/2019 07:10

My now ex husband used to do that. Pathetic. One of the many many reasons I am glad I left him. Yes I find it disrespectful.

MyFlabberIsAghast · 31/07/2019 17:44

ExH used to be like this...note he's now an ex!

spam390 · 31/07/2019 17:52

WTAF ????

You are definitely being unreasonable to be daft enough to do it !!!!!!!!

Is he a man or a child ??

Do you need to feed him using aeroplane noises and wipe his bum too ??

If that 'man' is old enough to have left home and fathered children then I'm bloody sure he's old enough to get up without help for work !

if he can't, then I suggest leaving him in the supermarket when you are shopping, cos I'm pretty sure he's too immature to find his own way home again, LOL

lawnmowingsucks · 01/08/2019 18:26

Seriously

Stop enabling him

It's pathetic

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