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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dh doesn’t get up till I’ve woken him about 5 times.

98 replies

RebornFlame · 30/07/2019 08:59

It’s such a manchild thing to do. Just get the fuck up and stop snoozing your alarm and saying to me ‘just 5 more minutes’.

I’m rushing around downstairs looking after two kids, trying to clean up and get ready for work.

AIBU to find this disrespectful?

OP posts:

itseasybeingcheesy · 30/07/2019 15:23

My DH used to do this. I told him flat out that I was no longer responsible for him and that if he wanted to be on time for work he would need to get himself up.

And I warned him that if he didn't get up with enough time to help me with the children then he would be responsible for cooking all of his own meals and washing all of his own clothes too as I wasn't prepared to pull all of the household weight on my own.

I basically hit the roof and told him he was a lazy ungrateful sod who wasn't showing he valued any of us and he sorted himself out.

He still needs a nudge on a morning but only one and he knows he needs to help.

BlingLoving · 30/07/2019 15:26

Also, school holidays are a good time to force this lesson because it's not like the kids will be late for school or anything. So wake up. Send kids up to daddy to ask for their breakfast or whatever. Carry on with your share of normal morning chores and getting ready to work. Leave.

ImaginaryCat · 30/07/2019 15:27

From the voice of experience.... put children on bed, encourage a game of bouncing up and down on daddy, teach the older one to particularly clamber around a certain area until daddy gets up, leave house.

And move his alarm clock out of his reach.

chocolatemademefat · 30/07/2019 15:39

Bucket of water is a crap idea - I’m guessing you don’t want to get into a wet bed at night. And if he has a job he has to get up so leaving him asleep would be a bit risky for your family income. Take away his duvet and throw the windows open and play loud music - something he hates. But that’s just common sense which is never as good as mad gestures.

SarahTancredi · 30/07/2019 15:42

Put the alarm clock the other side of the room so he has to get up to turn it off

Singlenotsingle · 30/07/2019 15:50

If you'd read the thread, chocolate, you'd know it's his day to look after the dc, so he hasn't got to get up for work. And I didn't suggest a bucket of water, just a jug. She needs him to be awake so she knows the dc will be looked after.

cuppycakey · 30/07/2019 19:22

I’ve got in from work and the cheeky bugger has had to go and get his head down for half an hour. WTF!!

Assuming he is hale and hearty, he is taking the piss. What time does he go to bed? Is he one of these arseholes who says "I'm a night owl" and stays up playing games watching porn until 2am despite needing to be up at 6.30 for work/childcare?

You need to have a serious chat with him about how his lack of interest in participating fully in family life is making you feel. It's not a good idea for anyone to leave their partner to do all/most of the chores/childcare. They soon realise that they actually can do it alone and that it would be even easier of they didn't also have that "partner" to deal with as well.... He is basically training you up to be a single parent.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 30/07/2019 19:24

Just put the kids into the bedroom with dh when they wake with all their noisy toys and leave them to it.

B00kworm86 · 30/07/2019 19:32

My EXH was like this, it's soul destroying! I divorced him in the end because I couldn't deal with his lazy attitude to life and parenting!

Amiable · 30/07/2019 19:47

What time is he going to bed? If he is getting at least 8 hours a night, and needing naps I would seriously consider talking to a doctor - "tired all the time" is a recognised symptoms of a few medical conditions, and should be checked out. I have always struggled to wake up, no matter what time I go to bed and it turns out I have a condition called Addison's Disease. I'm now on medication which has helped.

If on the other hand he is going to bed at silly o'clock, or just a lazy f#cker, then definitely put the kids with him when they wake up, and then leave them to it, so you can get yourself ready without disruption.

Josieannathe2nd · 30/07/2019 19:57

It’s really hard to leave a clingy baby/toddler with a half asleep man child. I get myself ready, give the kids something simple to eat then do my last bit of getting ready in the bedroom to make sure he’s at least awake enough to stop the toddler chasing me out of the door. It’s crap.

RedSheep73 · 30/07/2019 20:00

My dh tends to be like this and I hate it. When I've had enough I open the curtains. If that doesn't work, pull off the duvet. Or encourage the kids to go and wake daddy up. Weekends I go on strike and pretend to be asleep until he gets up.

lawnmowingsucks · 30/07/2019 20:11

Yes I know, I’m my own worst enemy allowing it!

You're his enabler. His pimp to help him be an idiot childlike tosser.

Your choice.

Original poster

RebornFlame · 30/07/2019 20:11

cupcakey youve got it. He doesn’t go to bed when I do and always sleeps till about 8:30 (on his work days starts at 9:30).

I sincerely hope he’s not watching porn though

OP posts:

Original poster

RebornFlame · 30/07/2019 20:13

josie exactly I can’t leave a mobile toddler with him till he’s alert because he (ds) will throw himself of the bed and try to get downstairs.

OP posts:

Dinomom52 · 30/07/2019 20:25

My partner was a bit like this. He’d be snoring & then telling me that “he’s awake” in an arsey tone.
We have a 4 yr old that still doesn’t sleep & neither of us are morning people.
We had a chat where I basically said “it’s really not nice the way you speak to me. You’re not a teenage boy & I am not your mum. Start setting. Your own alarm”.

He’s much much better now.

RandomMess · 30/07/2019 20:28

On the mornings he goes to work does he help with the DC or are you basically doing all the DC work every single morning...

If your toddler can't open your bedroom door I'd shut toddler in with him and leave them to it every morning and go to work. Leave 6 year old in front of the TV..

DennisMailerWasHere · 30/07/2019 20:30

This isn't a partner or a real father.

Stop mothering him. Honestly, life would be easier as a single parent than this millstone dragging your energy down.

MonkeyToesOfDoom · 30/07/2019 20:41

How does he manage to hold down a job and drive a car?
Or is it just when you're around to wipe his backside that he becomes so tired and useless?

Iggly · 30/07/2019 20:44

I told my dh that I found it lazy and unattractive. And I didn’t want to have sex with someone lazy.

That sorted him out. He’s much better now.

Orangeballon · 30/07/2019 20:46

Is he a child or are you a slave?

Original poster

RebornFlame · 30/07/2019 20:46

randomness I do all the dc stuffevery morning.thats what grates on me that he always gets to sleep until 8:30 and I’m up whenever the kids are.

OP posts:

Original poster

RebornFlame · 30/07/2019 20:48

monkey that made me laugh! He is very competent at work. Just used to me letting him get away with this shit.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 30/07/2019 20:50

Move out for at least a week, leave him to do everything you usually do...

If he helps with bedtime then pop home to do that.

Seriously tell him to shape up or ship out he needs to do his share of parenting and household stuff.

MonkeyToesOfDoom · 30/07/2019 20:56

You know that's incredibly sad and you shouldn't be putting up with it?

Didn't you want a partner that is 50/50? Are you happy allowing him to treat you like your lesser?

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