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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh doesn’t get up till I’ve woken him about 5 times.

98 replies

RebornFlame · 30/07/2019 08:59

It’s such a manchild thing to do. Just get the fuck up and stop snoozing your alarm and saying to me ‘just 5 more minutes’.

I’m rushing around downstairs looking after two kids, trying to clean up and get ready for work.

AIBU to find this disrespectful?

OP posts:
fedup21 · 30/07/2019 09:51

OP-are you going to answer anyone’s questions?

Is your DH working today?
Who is looking after the kids today?
Why are you waking him?

Fizzypoo · 30/07/2019 09:59

You're all so mean 🤣🤣🤣

My lovely dp wakes me up with a coffee every morning. I am shit at getting up but being brought a coffee in bed makes me wake up.

We've all got our strengths and weakness, if he struggles in the morning so what, I'm sure he's got other qualities that make up for that.

dustarr73 · 30/07/2019 10:13

Depends on the ages of the kids.Babies/toddlers he should be getting up.Anywhere form 8 they should be fine on their own for a little bit.

PixieLumos · 30/07/2019 10:19

Errr, don’t wake him then??

pooopypants · 30/07/2019 10:36

Are you actually his mother?

If not, stop doing it. He can deal with the ramifications.

TwistyTop · 30/07/2019 10:36

Depends what he's like in other respects. If he is generally happy to let you do all of the parenting then you need to make some big changes.

NCforthis2019 · 30/07/2019 10:37

You sound like his mother. You are also enabling him - why do you keep waking him???? Jesus Christ. He needs to grow up and you need to stop being his mother.

TheFlis12345 · 30/07/2019 10:43

Send the kids to wake him up while you have a cuppa and get yourself ready.

Original poster
RebornFlame · 30/07/2019 10:48

Sorry posted and then started work.

Kids are 15m and 6
He’s lookig after them today and does every Tuesday (I have alternative childcare for other days)
I’m waking him because I can’t leave for work till I know he’s up and caring for them

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 30/07/2019 10:50

Put the baby in bed with him and get the 6 YO to jump up and down on your side.

He'll soon get up and sort them out, you shouldn't be doing anything for them on Tuesdays.

cuppycakey · 30/07/2019 10:52

Plonk 15 month old on him and leave. If you genuinely think your DH will not look after his children in this situation then what's the point of him?

Don't dress them, don't tidy up.

Agree with hideous alarm clock on other side of room which he has to get up to turn off.

PixieLumos · 30/07/2019 11:04

Pop them both on the bed and go. If he’s supposed to be looking after them then surely that should be from the moment they wake up? Why are you doing all this before you leave the house?

ShirleyPhallus · 30/07/2019 11:04

Christ. If a woman posted that she was always tired in the morning and struggled to get up and her partner threw a bucket of water over her there would (rightly) be calls to LTB

Mumsnet is so weird in its encouragement of abuse sometimes

MonkeyToesOfDoom · 30/07/2019 11:05

It saddens me that women put up with, and enable, useless men like this.
He should be up, dressed, sorting children so that you can get yourself ready and go.

gamerchick · 30/07/2019 11:07

I agree, put the baby on him and tell him you're leaving. Nobody can sleep with a toddler poking their eyeballs.

bingbongnoise · 30/07/2019 11:17

@RebornFlame

Just stay in bed yourself. Til HE gets up.

Sounds like the typical behaviour of most men when the kids are still at home. Cocking a deaf 'un, and pretending they can't hear the chaos around them, and the frazzled mum of the kids struggling. SO selfish!!! Hmm

He is waking all right! He is just letting you do everything, so the lazy git doesn't have to do fuck-all! If the alarm was set for something that HE WANTED to go to, he would be out of bed in the blink of an eye.

I'd spray him with a water pistol tbh.

@ShirleyPhallus

If a woman posted that she was always tired in the morning and struggled to get up and her partner threw a bucket of water over her there would (rightly) be calls to LTB.

Mumsnet is so weird in its encouragement of abuse sometimes.

How ridiculously over-dramatic!

And he is not STRUGGLING to get up. He can't be arsed.

WillowPeach · 30/07/2019 11:27

Oh gosh I totally get the fury. My other half was like this except he used to do it in the middle of the day. Eventually I just started to leave him to it and he’d easily sleep for hours. I was constantly having a go at him for being lazy. I feel bad now that he’s been diagnosed with ME and that explains a lot Blush

ChicCroissant · 30/07/2019 11:30

Put the children in the room with him and leave. You are making more of a drama out of this than necessary, OP.

Fairylea · 30/07/2019 11:31

Set an alarm clock and leave it blaring over the other side of the room so he has to get out of bed to turn it off. Works with my teenager!

Original poster
RebornFlame · 30/07/2019 15:12

I’ve got in from work and the cheeky bugger has had to go and get his head down for half an hour. WTF!!

Yes I know, I’m my own worst enemy allowing it!

OP posts:
MonkeyToesOfDoom · 30/07/2019 15:14

Wow he sounds awesome.. what do you find attractive about this manboy? Confused

Sexnotgender · 30/07/2019 15:17

Seriously plonk the baby in with him and just get yourself ready and go to work. He’s there to look after the children so that’s what he needs to do.

firawla · 30/07/2019 15:17

I have the same problem. All the people saying just leave him to it - why should they just be left to linger in bed all day though so they can’t do child care, or take part in family days out or anything? Sympathies op it really is bloody infuriating behaviour

BlingLoving · 30/07/2019 15:19

The problem is that all these chores STILL need to get done. So if he refuses to get up, then you're doing them.

We had this briefly for a while. DH would stay in bed and oversleep and I would be the one running around, packing lunch boxes, getting kids up, feeding pets and rushing rushing rushing.

Luckily, my DH is a reasonable bloke. So when I realised I was being a mug and lost it possibly a couple of times, I explained (once I'd calmed down) that Id' got to the point where I had been considering getting up earlier because I simply couldn't get it all done without help and as he refused to get up I didn't see what other choice I had. And asked him pointedly if that was fair? I may have thrown in a few sarcastic comments about having 3 DC and how ridiculous this was

He was deeply apologetic and is now brilliant.

[Incidentally, when it was happening, I didn't wake him up gently. By the second or third time I'd be banging around shouting. And he'd then tell me I was such a grouch in the morning. It wasn't a pretty period. But thank god it didn't last for long as I managed to get coherent and he managed to realise he was being a dick]

TwistyTop · 30/07/2019 15:20

If he's off on Tuesday and you have to work then I don't see why this is an issue. Just get yourself ready and leave. It's his day to look after the kids, just let him get on with it.

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