To ask you to help choose my wedding?

[FluffySocksAndMarshmallows]

I'm getting married on a Sunday next April. We've got the date 'saved' at three places but need to choose now...

Venue #1 - in Europe, somewhere me & fiancé have been together and apart. 90% of our guests have said they'd come for the weekend. Bit of a pain organising it, but the venue have been great. I feel this place will make it less obvious that DF has a huge family and I have no one, I am entirely orphaned. Downside... it does mean flying people abroad, fiancés parents think his family won't come and they don't seem at all happy about it, they keep telling us about abroad weddings gone wrong but telling us to do what we like. It is getting more expensive because of flights etc.

Venue #2 - Close to home, but eye-wateringly expensive next year. Treble what we'd pay this year! No negotiation allowed. Not isolated, but not much to do or places to stay nearby. We couldn't marry until 4pm and I suspect people would leave to go home after the meal for kids/work, so we wouldn't have much of a reception. But, it is beautiful and has some elements that we love.

Venue #3 - A little bit isolated, about 35 minutes from where we live. Beautiful, lots of outside space. Has accommodation if people want to stay and it's pretty reasonable. Price is really good, food seems good, they're attentive. It's still a bit unusual. Only real downside is that we couldn't accommodate everyone's children, the rooms aren't big enough. We could put on a big taxi to get people home after the reception if they didn't want to stay.

I'm pretty much hating planning, it feels so stressful... we've looked at so many venues now! Where would you go?

Def option 3! Sounds lovely. Just tell people the venue can't accommodate that many, so children of close relatives only.

Option 1 - it sounds like more what you want

Option 3, but none seem ideal to me.

Option 1, but mainly because I got married abroad and loved it, more people than we expected wanted to come, we were very clear there was no expectation on anyone that we'd just love to have whoever was able. We went long haul, our guests went for ten days the days before we did, and we went for two weeks, so DH and I had a week alone after the masses had gone back to the UK, it was great. We did have a casual catered evening party when we got back for everyone who couldn't travel, but you don't have to do that.

It sounds like you both want option 1 so go for that. I wouldn't pay for everyone's flights. Just tell them not to buy you a gift if they ask. If you both mean enough to his family then they will make it and it doesn't matter what your PIL say. If they don't want to go then it's their loss. A wedding is about the couple not the guests. It's a privilege to be asked to be part of the special day.

Option 3. I couldn’t be faffed with the additional logistics of getting married abroad.

Just to warn you, the 'registry office followed by a curled up cheese sandwich, how dare anyone spend more than a fiver on their wedding dress' brigade will be along soon. Do what makes you happy and don't worry about who can and can't make it.

Definitely not 2. Either of the others sound lovely

It sounds like you want option 1 - go for it. Ignore the naysayers of the pils (unless they're paying of course).
If it was me, I'd go for option 3. But your preference is clear.

Option 1 seems like the one you're most excited about so i'd go for that. Going away for weddings isn't for everyone though so just try to remember that and accept that not everyone will want to/be able to join you. Good luck!

A wedding is about the couple not the guests. It's a privilege to be asked to be part of the special day.

However, as this is MN do expect some posters to tell you that you're unreasonable for thinking your wedding is anything about you, for marrying on a Sunday, for thinking about marrying abroad and for thinking about not inviting children.

It's your wedding. Go for the option that you both really want. For me I'd go for option 3, but that's because I couldn't be doing with the faff and expense of flying abroad. But if that's your real Dream do it! You don't get married every day and you can always have a party/blessing for those who can't come in venue 2 or 3?

I’d probably look for an option 4, but of the ones you’ve given, I’d say option 3.

I’m biased against option one as a close friend of mine got married abroad and I couldn’t go.

I'd probably go for 3 but would still look for alternatives until the first payment is absolutely necessary.

Option 1 if children really are important and you can't find local alternatives, but it may work well if it's a desirable holiday location/interesting place, that people may actually want to go to, and that doesn't get too expensive for flights and accommodation.

I think weddings abroad of the type you describe I.e. it’s not where one of you is originally from and where their family still live, unless you’re so rich you’d pay everyone’s flights and accommodation are CF-ery. Too many people will feel obliged to go and it costs everyone a lot to go somewhere not of their choosing.

How important is it to you that ‘everyone’s children’ attend? Does that mean children you’re close to being excluded or just the children of the adults you want there.

To me, three’s the only option that may work. If it means excluding people(children) you really want to invite though, then I think you need to find another option

I would go option 3.

I would prefer Option 3. Honestly, people are usually lovely about weddings abroad, because they love you etc. but the reality is that few people really, really want to spend hard-earned money/time/holiday allowance/etc. on someone else's event.

We have a couple of weddings abroad next year, and we'll go and it will be fine and lovely, but I secretly really, really wish they could just be getting married here for various reasons. It's a bit of a pain in the arse, basically, but they won't know that

Obviously it's completely different if one party is from a different country/has family there and so on.

Based on your description, option three sounds the simplest option all round. Whether that makes it the best option, I don’t know.

I think I’d rule out option two, then critically compare the remaining two; all the pros and cons, heart and head.

Your wedding your choice, but since you asked, as a guest I’d go for No 3.
A wedding in Europe sounds romantic, but guests would have to consider, travel, costs, talking annual leave. Also the pound has fallen alarmingly against the Euro, so factoring costs could be difficult if it fluctuates. We were invited to a wedding in rural France where getting accommodation was extremely difficult.

If you choose No 3 you can be assured of cost, it’s easier for loved ones and you might get ‘more bang for your buck’ ( as they say)
But, once again your choice entirely.

I think you should keep looking for more options and go and see different venues to make sure you are finding the venue of your dreams which you can afford.

From what you say, option 1 sounds like what you and DH actually want and option 2 and 3, you are trying to talk yourself into it.

I'd go for option 3. I like weddings abroad if it's the couple and immediate family. I dont think there is anyone apart from parents and siblings I would travel abroad to a wedding for.

I've had many conversations with people moaning about having to go abroad for a wedding, I am sure they were very nice and positive about it to the bride and groom. People are weird.

I'd go for option 1, but if possible a Saturday. Then guests can fly home on Sunday if needed.

Definitely not option 2.

I would say option 1, but I'm biased as I got married abroad. Is it a destination where people may want to visit anyway? We married in a ski resort, and as most of our close friends/family ski, they were all very happy to come.

One thing to bear in mind though. Brexit.

Option 1. If I could get married again I would do it abroad

Option 4 - Registrar's office, lovely meal with close family and friends, then a honeymoon of a lifetime with all the money you'll save. Never mind saving your sanity.