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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I may never get child maintenance

77 replies

Teasynurse · 29/07/2019 11:03

I have just got off the phone from the CMS again. My case has apparently been moved to yet another team and exP still isn’t talking to them or paying any money for DD. I last had a payment in October last year and since then nothing has happened. They have been discussing a deduction from earnings order since Xmas time but as yet nothing has been actioned!
I’m so frustrated, he currently owes over 12k in arrears as he has never willing paid a bean. Part of me thinks I should just close the case but this is for DD’s future. She’s almost an adult now and I have saved nearly everything I have received to give her when she needs it.

OP posts:
Thehop · 29/07/2019 11:05

Chase it every day, twice if you have to and ask for them to escalate it.

Can you go to citizens advice to see if there’s anything else to be done?

whothedaddy · 29/07/2019 11:53

Don't close the case. Keep it active, keep the money stacking up. Don't let him think he can financially control you this way.

kitk · 29/07/2019 12:06

The CMS are woefully unfit for purpose. I've given up after 6 years of non payment now. I'm fortunate I can afford to bring up DD without his help though and I can't handle the games he plays when I do challenge him... eg he won't return her after contact etc, so I've made my peace that I am happier not chasing it and having an ok relationship with him than a few quid until he quits his job and all the nastiness and game playing that goes with it. I do think you should fight for it if you have the strength and tenacity though...

QueenArseClangers · 29/07/2019 12:16

It’s an absolute shit show. Your local MP might be able to help.

EmeraldShamrock · 29/07/2019 12:21

Fucking Arsehole. Don't give up not a chance especially if he is employed.
I don't know how some people men sleep at night not contributing all they can to their DC.
I am not about the UK, is there a court service available, I know here if he won't pay you can return to family court, for a judgement against him.

lyralalala · 29/07/2019 12:32

Don't close the case. That just lets him away with it

Speak to your MP, sometimes they can give CMS a kick in the right direction.

My father died a couple of years ago and still owed the CSA money (back in the day part of maintenance was owed to the secretary of state). Ok he didn't know about it, but I got a bit of satisfaction that at least some of his debt finally caught up with him.

Mumstheword13 · 29/07/2019 20:20

I had exactly the same happen. I have had the case open over a year, kept building up the money. Had never received a payment. Ex kept changing jobs, then threatened me with him being self employed and all sorts. He declared he was self employed to them. Then they found him on a tax code employer... finally. I use to get really stressed especially when money was tight.
Then I got to the stage (I was forever chasing CMS) that I just gave up, I decided enough was enough and I didn't want the money. I was done. I woke up one day and said I don't need his rotten money.
Then one day out of he blue I get a call to say they found an employer, they were doing a attachment of earnings order through his employer.
So now I receive cm but I pay it straight into little ones savings. He may think he's contributing and let him think it, but I have all the proof that each payment always went into child's account. He doesn't see little one, his choice. Good luck and keep chasing until you have surely had enough x

Original poster
Teasynurse · 29/07/2019 20:28

I spoke to a team leader today, she sounded really fed up. Apparently they have a huge backlog of work and she couldn’t even offer a vague timescale for any action. I believe he is currently in employment but the usual pattern is that he will change jobs as soon as the order takes effect so we’ll be back to square one.
I don’t have any contact with him now and neither does DD. I just don’t understand why they aren’t doing anything. I will look into contacting my MP and see if she can do anything.

OP posts:
RB68 · 29/07/2019 20:46

They are useless to the extreme and just accept any bullshit they are fed. A firend of mine is resorting to court ordered because of the misbehaviour but even that is proving difficult

StillMe1 · 29/07/2019 21:17

I have phoned CM recently. I have also had letters over the years. My child is an adult now. CSA had failed to get any child money for me. Now CM have taken over the case. I have been told that the amount owed is between £40,000 and £45,000. They have stated that they can not attach to the benefit he is on currently. It looks like I will not be getting a penny.
I could see that coming. He was a slippery eel and never paid any bills or earned any money.

The worst part of this is that he is saying he did pay and DC believes him no matter what I do to show otherwise. It is not comfortable to me that a child would believe the lies of an absent parent. I wonder if they are remembering that I was the only adult in the house. It has led to bad feeling now.

I would say to OP keep in contact with CM, keep notes of every phone call, copies of emails etc. When your DC are old enough show them how are you tried. It is just not right that these feckless men do not have to meet their responsibilities

EmeraldShamrock · 29/07/2019 22:47

CM set up is completely useless. Can you summons him or take a civil case against him.

lyralalala · 29/07/2019 23:39

They have stated that they can not attach to the benefit he is on currently.

Ask them to put in writing why not.

Even on Jobseekers they can take £7 a week for CMS (which is a shit amount in comparison to raising a child, but he shouldn't be allowed to completely dodge it)

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 30/07/2019 00:18

Don't give up hope completely OP.
My PFB is 29 this year and I have JUST got a letter saying that they are finally collecting the money XH owes me in maintenance!

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 30/07/2019 00:28

Pom

I have recently posted this on another thread....

*My husband’s aunt is finally getting the back child maintenance that her ex didn’t pay. My husband’s cousins are 36 and 34!

On the bright side - aunty is having a very nice retirement!*

ineedaholidaynow · 30/07/2019 00:34

Why can’t they treat it like any other debt and seize assets if necessary?

lyralalala · 30/07/2019 00:37

Why can’t they treat it like any other debt and seize assets if necessary?

Because there’s no political will to treat it seriously.

The CSA, CMS as they are now, have a whole raft of power available to them.

Without even going to court they can apply for a deduction of earnings or take money (either one off or regular) from a bank account.

They also only have to apply to court to put a charge on a house or send in bailiffs to remove goods for sale, but they don’t.

They can apply for the removal of a driving license or even pursue repeat offenders hard enough to obtain a prison sentence.

However, since it’s not politically popular the most they’ll generally do is send a couple of letters

ineedaholidaynow · 30/07/2019 00:45

It seems mad if they have the powers not to use them

TooHotToHandld · 30/07/2019 00:48

It's a shit show, they're not fit for purpose 😠

SadOtter · 30/07/2019 00:56

They tried this passing from department to department with me, with the dad who changes job every time they catch up. Call them every day, twice if you need to, ask for a review, talk to managers, I was an absolute pain in the arse and suddenly they sorted it. I doubt he'll clear his debt anytime soon but they don't cancel debts when the child turns 18, he'll stop paying me the regular amount but he'll still have to pay everything he owes up til now.

Tzenl · 30/07/2019 14:35

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MyAppleTree · 30/07/2019 14:40

And this is why I have not gone to the CMS and am just raising Dds on my own money. The likelihood I will get any maintenance Vs disrupting the relationship we do have with their (not a penny spent) father just isn’t worth it.

bibliomania · 30/07/2019 14:52

Hi OP, I agree with getting onto your MP.

(I do feel sorry for individual CMS employees - I can't imagine that there if a lot of job satisfaction).

Whatisthisfuckery · 30/07/2019 15:07

CMS are fucking useless. Clearly designed by men, for the benefit of feckless men.

DS’s father was paying less than CMS ordered him to for years. Then he was made redundant so stopped paying. He had a 36k pay out from his previous employer but CMS told me they couldn’t touch that. So he was living it up on his 36k, with his live-in working partner, while I was on the bones of my arse raising DS by myself and living on disability. He even lied to the family court about his partner’s income. He told them it was 8k per year, but then he came moaning to me that he was denied UC because she earned too much.

Fuck it, I’d rather be on the bones of my arse than have a penny of that sad sack’s money. He can drink it all for me, which is exactly what he does. That 36k was gone in 10 months, I saw his bank statements for court, all spent in the pub and buying drink in Sainsbury’s.

AngelsSins · 30/07/2019 15:10

Tzeni women have no idea what real pain is?! I think you’re confusing this with an MRA forum. 4 billion is owed in unpaid child support, the women not receiving that money are having to make up the difference themselves. So all childcare, costs and sacrifices related to a couples choice to have kids, often falls to only the woman to burden.

Women have no idea what real pain is - my arse.

FreckledLeopard · 30/07/2019 15:11

They're useless. DD is 18 now and I've never received a penny from her father. Initially he was a student, then self-employed and, oh, assets aren't taken into account, and we can't see anything relating to his wife's money. On and on. I just gave up. Couldn't be bothered and I'm pretty proud of the fact that I bought a house, put DD through private school and did just fine without the twat's money! It can be on his conscience (though I don't think he has one!)