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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I may never get child maintenance

77 replies

Teasynurse · 29/07/2019 11:03

I have just got off the phone from the CMS again. My case has apparently been moved to yet another team and exP still isn’t talking to them or paying any money for DD. I last had a payment in October last year and since then nothing has happened. They have been discussing a deduction from earnings order since Xmas time but as yet nothing has been actioned!
I’m so frustrated, he currently owes over 12k in arrears as he has never willing paid a bean. Part of me thinks I should just close the case but this is for DD’s future. She’s almost an adult now and I have saved nearly everything I have received to give her when she needs it.

OP posts:
Blue565 · 30/07/2019 15:13

Im sorry but women have no idea about pain, real pain.

What a crock of shit, and I say that as a man

StillMe1 · 30/07/2019 15:19

I know that my exh is fly enough to avoid paying anything. He never has anything in his name so that creditors (not just CSA/CMS) can not get a penny from him.
A PP mentioned why cant it be treated like any other debt? I am going to make enquiries with debt collectors to see if they can collect debts from people on the same benefit as exh.
I am aware of the small debts courts but that only goes up to £5000 and I am owed much more. I will enquire with the court about taking a private action to recover money owed.
Thanks for the hints PP

PicsInRed · 30/07/2019 15:19

Tzeni has the best words. 🤣

Travis1 · 30/07/2019 15:21

@Tzenl did you take a wrong turn at misogynists 'r' us or something? Women will never know real pain? ODFOD Biscuit

StillMe1 · 30/07/2019 15:30

Just checked with Debt Collecting Office and it is true that they can attach the debt to benefits. This is the first time in over 30 years that he has a traceable income and I can get nothing.
He has been telling my DCs that he did pay and that was why he could never send presents. He only showed up after they were 18 +.
It has led to a lot of anger and fighting among my DC and me. I didnt think they were silly enough to believe his lies. I am not even going to try to prove that I have never received CSA/CMS.

StillMe1 · 30/07/2019 15:32

Ooops didnt proof read. That should be that they can NOT attach to benefits
Post at 15.30

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/07/2019 15:36

Ahh, the 1 in a 1000 case where a women experiences a problem with CMS.

Closer to 400 in a 1000. You think women don't understand pain. But at least we understand basic maths.

Blue565 · 30/07/2019 15:37

I bet Tzenl does't pay his child maintenance...

lyralalala · 30/07/2019 15:46

Ooops didnt proof read. That should be that they can NOT attach to benefits

Debt collectors may not be able to, but CMS certainly can. It's a flat rate of £7 per week regardless of how many children (if it's a historic case then it may be £5 a week as that was the amount at the time)

Gov Link

hisnameisfreckles · 30/07/2019 16:00

CMS can not take money from benefits unless there is on going maintenance due. So if it is arrears only the current law dies not allow them to take money. But this is apparently looking to be changed. I was advised it would hopefully be in place this summer

Tzenl · 30/07/2019 17:38

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EmeraldShamrock · 30/07/2019 18:27

Family law is pure malevolence for men
Maybe if the men did the right thing by there family family law wouldn't need to out pressure on them.
It is absolutely mental you can bring this before a judge and get a proper maintenance order, failure to pay and you go to prison.
Something the politicians and goverment need to review.
If I was in the position in the UK, with the cash, I'd have a solicitor contact CMS to ask why the feck they are not using the power they have to catch up with more dead beat parents.

EmeraldShamrock · 30/07/2019 18:28

*their

EmeraldShamrock · 30/07/2019 18:29

Cant bring before a judge, I didn't actually proof read my post. Blush

Tzenl · 30/07/2019 18:37

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Tzenl · 30/07/2019 18:48

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Bookworm4 · 30/07/2019 19:05

If he’s self employed it’s hopeless, my ex owed me £60k+ CSA finally got a case lodged at civil court and the week before he declared bankruptcy so claim was started from scratch again, think we ended up another £30k owed. DC are now over 18,they’ll never see a penny.

MyAppleTree · 30/07/2019 19:05

Use longer words Tzeni, maybe you’ll garner more debate...

It’s a bit try hard isn’t it? The statement was not “family law favours women”.

It was “women don’t know pain”.

I would agree that in custody cases family law favours women. I would agree that men can sometimes get the raw end of the deal in custody and I can’t imagine how hard it must be for those few men Vs the many women picking up the burden of a mans ability to just walk away.

But “Women don’t know pain” and that we are favoured in “all family law” is total and utter horseshit I’m afraid.

Sorry, I mean, unutterably incognisant fallacy...

Tzenl · 30/07/2019 19:05

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Tzenl · 30/07/2019 19:09

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Bookworm4 · 30/07/2019 19:10

@Tzenl
Down from the soapbox please and stop hijacking the OPs thread.

MyAppleTree · 30/07/2019 19:18

Reference your stats please?

Other than suicide (but through divorce subset stat required). The rest again is just you saying stuff.

I’m sorry you were hurt, I’m sorry a woman blocked you from your son (unless she had good reason, your vehement hatred of all women might be an indicator), but sweeping statements of any kind show your complete and utter lack of understanding and empathy.

Perhaps try posting a thread asking for help to deal with the emotional fall out? Women aren’t all evil man haters you know? You might get help.

Or getting some therapy.

YouJustDoYou · 30/07/2019 19:41

How many women on mere words alone can be removed from their children for months and months on end?

(From UK legal advice)

(Assuming, @Tzenl, youve fought tooth and nail and taken this to court - your story doesnt add up) "When the case comes to court, the judge or magistrates will have expected you to have exhausted all options to agree arrangements amongst yourselves. This includes attending mediation (in some cases, such as those involving domestic abuse, this won’t be necessary).

Access to your child can be legally prevented by a court order, if there are safety and welfare concerns such as:

criminal activitydomestic abusedrug/alcohol misuseany other inappropriate behaviour that puts your child at risk

It’s also possible for the other parent to oppose any court application you make, by providing evidence to the court that you are engaging in any of the above.

In some situations, the other parent may also apply to the court for an order against you without you being there, if they believe you present an immediate danger to your child. This is known as an emergency ’without notice’ order (previously called an ‘ex-parte’ order).

If the court is persuaded to make a ‘without notice’ order, there will always be a second hearing a few days later so you can attend and defend the allegations made in your absence and present your own views to the court.

Do I have ‘rights’ to see my child?

Legal access to children isn’t an actual ‘right’.Parental responsibility (PR)gives you some legal rights and responsibilities, but there is no automatic right to ‘contact’.

The law is entirely centred on the child’s welfare and thus decisions to let you have access are made on the basis that it will improve your child’s quality of life, not because it will improve your quality of life as a parent.

However, in the absence of any safeguarding concerns, the court actively encourages a relationship between the child and both parents.

Spending time with your child will be arranged if the court believes that it will improve your child’s welfare. In 2014, the government introduced a presumption that the continued involvement of both parents in a child’s life will best promote that child’s welfare.

So, in most situations, unless it can be proven that you will pose a risk to, or harm, your child, you will usually be granted some kind of contact. However, in cases of domestic violence, the courts can consider whether there is a risk of harm to the other party if contact is facilitated.

The court will also consider a whole host of other factors, such as commitment, before making a final determination.

Can I still have access to my child if I don’t have parental responsibility?

If you don’t have PR, and you don’t have a voluntary out-of-court agreement about access, you can still apply to the court for a child arrangements order. If the court orders that your child comes to live with you, you will be granted PR simultaneously. Since 2014, if the court makes an order for your child to spend time with you, it should also consider whether to make a PR order at the same time.

Even if you do have an out-of-court agreement, you should still consider applying for PR whether by way of agreement (known as aparental responsibility agreement) or by court application"

YouJustDoYou · 30/07/2019 19:43

But anyway. This post isn't about an angry man.

Op, Cm is just shite. My friends exdh was horrifically abusive. He lied on forms, gave false address info, etc. Managed to get away without paying one penny for years - as many of them do. I feel for you. I hope they are able to sort it out- but they truly are shit.

lyralalala · 30/07/2019 20:15

If he’s self employed it’s hopeless, my ex owed me £60k+ CSA finally got a case lodged at civil court and the week before he declared bankruptcy so claim was started from scratch again, think we ended up another £30k owed. DC are now over 18,they’ll never see a penny.

You should question that - CSA debt isn't included in bankruptcy. It still stands.

Also just because they are over 18 doesn't kill the debt. You are still owed it. CMS won't aggressively chase it, but if he gets a windfall then it can be claimed. Same as from his estate when he dies. It's nonsense that it goes on that long, but it's a debt he is never rid of.