AIBU DH hasn’t made any effort for my 30th??

[Lubilu28]

Sorry for the long post!....

I’ll start from the beginning. We started to build our extension on our house 2 years ago and my DH has basically built it all himself (he’s not even a builder). And we have really only just finished it all. I also gave birth just 2 weeks ago so not sure if it’s all my hormones making me feel more upset than I should be?

I said to everyone I don’t want a big party as I knew I’d be giving birth around the time and didn’t know how I would feel. I didn’t say I didn’t want any gifts or effort from my DH!

He took me shopping (2 days ago) and told me to pick something I like as he doesn’t know what to get me. Which yea ok, I can get something I actually like but I have no idea either. Plus I can’t really justify spending money on myself when I want/need to get new bits for the baby. He seemed pissed off with me as I had failed to sort my own gift out.

I woke up this morning with lovely cards and a pamper box from my DS’s with chocolate, wine and bubble bath and a little charm for my bracelet. Obvs I know my DH has bought these things but I was waiting for that special gift off him. Ow, he said how about we go away for a night in December and u can pick out something then??

Now I hate feeling like this as I feel like I’m being a spoilt brat. But him saying the extension has meant he’s not had time isnt a valid excuse, as the last 2 years he’s managed to pull a gift out the bag and it’s been lovely. Even organised meals out for me with the family/friends. This year he’s not done anything of the sort. We did go out for lunch but that was only sorted out yesterday only when I asked if he had planned anything for in the day. To which he replied, ow do u want to do something then? 🤦‍♀️

For his 30th I made a photo book with all our memories in for the last 14 years, a really nice pair of ray bans as I knew he would love a pair and organised a trip to Rome!! I guess I just feel a little bit let down by the effort 😔 I wasn’t expecting a handmade book of memories as men are useless at those things but come on!! 14 years together and it seems he doesn’t even know me lol

Is the main thing here you have nothing worthy enough to post on Instagram re your birthday?

Yabu i would be over the moon if dh took me shopping.

Maybe he thought the the presents from your newborn were enough until you've had time to settle in with baby and get something you really want? o

Unless his amature extension falls down around your ears, I think he's treated you fine op. I would say the gift bag sounds really thoughtfully put together. That's what counts?

You are being ridiculously rude and precious. He did put a lot of thought into the gifts you did receive, and then asked you what you wanted - you didn't even know yourself! Then he's offered to take you away in December and said to get something then as well.

I sincerely hope you snap out of the spoilt brat behaviour and appreciate what you have.

men are useless at those things but come on!! 14 years together and it seems he doesn’t even know me

Oh fuck off, really? He seems he does know you, look at everything he has done for you, you sound like a little child.

I would love to see your reaction if he behaved like you

I think you're being harsh on him. You admit yourself that even you don't really know what you want, so how is he supposed to magically think of something when even you don't have a clue?!

He's made more than one suggestion - that he'll take you out shopping so you can choose something, which to me would be a really nice treat, and that he'll book a night away for you both in December. You've rejected both of them. To say 'I didn't choose myself a gift because I can't justify spending when we need things for the baby' and then expecting your husband to spend instead is completely contradictory - the spend is the same either way! He can't win, really, can he?

He also made an effort to get you some nice things from your children.

He's spent the last two years building an extension from scratch, and there's a new baby in the house, and life is probably a bit all over the place for the whole family right now. I think he's done pretty well under the circumstances. I know