Going abroad for 4 weeks with DC, AIBU or is Ex?

[Scandiwoman1]

I’m planning on going back home next summer with the DC, not far from UK (think Scandinavian country) Haven’t been there since late 2016 when DS3 was 5 months. My mum hasn’t seen him since 5 months old, my siblings have come to visit every year. There has been reasons why I couldn’t visit, but now I’m ready and can go. Ex thinks 4 weeks is too long, he had no problem going to Australia last year for 3 weeks with his mates though. I just want my kids to get to know my side of the family better, learn the language and just generally be around my family for a bit. I think he’s trying to sabotage my trip because he can’t come with us. He has always loved my country, and has asked me after we split if he could still travel with me when I go back. I don’t know what to do.

AIBU?

4 weeka is a really long time! If he did 3 weeks, why don't you propose that?

I would think 3 weeks is the obvious compromise.

It's not a holiday it's a family visit. I would remind him that he went for 3 weeks and absolutely put my foot down and say that we were going for 4 weeks. It's not that long in the scheme of things and to be honest should be a yearly thing. Have you registered the children with your consulate over here as well? So that they have dual nationality.

Why does he think 4 weeks is too long?

Do you have a child arrangement order specifying you have residence? If so you don't need his permission.

I would still remind him of his Aus trip.

Did he take the kids to Aus? Also, is the split amicable enough for inviting him to be a reasonable suggestion?
Are you taking any children out of school for the trip?
It’s not an unreasonable request, but his disquiet over not seeing them for 4 weeks isn’t unreasonable either.

4 weeks is a long time. My home country is much farther away than that and I couldn’t imagine taking our dc away from their dad for that long. It’s quite close so surely you don’t need to go for that long, but it depends on your usual holiday arrangements. Was your ex’s trip to Australia one that involved him taking your dc?

If 4 weeks is too long, you could always compromise with him flying over for a few days, then taking them back while you spend more time with your family?

4 weeks is fine. I think he's being petty.

Four weeks is not too long at all! If he spent 3 in Aus then what’s he complaining about. And definitely don’t invite him along - he’s your ex for a reason. 4 weeks will be fabulous for your mum too. Just do it.

Can he not come for a weekend and he take the kids there? You get to see family without the kids for 48 hours too. Scandinavia isn't too far.

Four weeks is fine and would give the kids time to settle down.

4 weeks isn’t that long really. Is he just being awkward?

3 week compromise seems obvious really. How close are your DC to their dad? Would 4 weeks feel like a reply long time for them to be away from him, or would they be perfectly fine?

If the DC would be happy and you'd be equally ok with him taking them abroad for 3-4 weeks I don't see he can make much of an argument against really.

Could you do 3 weeks alone and then he joins you for the last week? But of a compromise but depends entirely on how that will affect your plans and obviously how well you get on now.

It sounds like 3 weeks is a good compromise.

You probably could push and get court permission to take them for 4 weeks, but if he's spiteful be prepared for him to want to do the same.

4 weeks is a long time to go without seeing your children so I do have sympathy for him.

Can you do three weekends and fly midweek when he might not see them anyway?

Perhaps he's saying it's too long a time going by how much he missed them when he went away for three weeks.

Would they miss not seeing him for a month?

If he wants to take them away for a month, would you be ok with that?

Can't he just visit for the middle weekend? So, only a fortnight without seeing them. (Whichhe has no legs to stand on to argue against since he went away for 3 weeks)

He may be worried you will take the kids and not come back. It’s been known to happen. 4 weeks is a very long time.

I used to take my kids back to UK for 5-6 weeks in the summer holidays to see all the family. Dh would stay home and work. We weren't seperated though and he knew we were coming back. Visiting family for 4 weeks seems good to me, between visits and day trips out it goes by fast and gives you time to reconnect with your family.

Legally you can take them for 30 days. Tell him if his that concerned he can book himself in somewhere near by for the final week and fly back with you.

I don’t see an issue!! Tell him to book a few extra days off work for when you get back and he can have the kids then.

I take it his family is here? And the kids get to see them?

All one sided

@TriciaH87 Legally you can take them for 30 days. Tell him if his that concerned he can book himself in somewhere near by for the final week and fly back with you.

That’s only the case if you have a residence order in place.

Otherwise if both parents have PR then they both have to give permission. If he has PR, there’s no residence order and he says no the OP would have to apply to court for permission.

Is there anyway he could travel with you for a long weekend or so just to keep him quiet.

Yes we get on well, he can be an arse sometimes, but that's why he's an ex. I don't feel like he has a leg to stand on since he went three weeks without seeing them. This is a trip he went on without the kids. I guess I'll have to compromise and just go for 3 weeks alone, or go 4 weeks but let him come on the last week. Thank you