Going abroad for 4 weeks with DC, AIBU or is Ex?

[Scandiwoman1]

I’m planning on going back home next summer with the DC, not far from UK (think Scandinavian country) Haven’t been there since late 2016 when DS3 was 5 months. My mum hasn’t seen him since 5 months old, my siblings have come to visit every year. There has been reasons why I couldn’t visit, but now I’m ready and can go. Ex thinks 4 weeks is too long, he had no problem going to Australia last year for 3 weeks with his mates though. I just want my kids to get to know my side of the family better, learn the language and just generally be around my family for a bit. I think he’s trying to sabotage my trip because he can’t come with us. He has always loved my country, and has asked me after we split if he could still travel with me when I go back. I don’t know what to do.

AIBU?

What if he decides to take them abroad for 3+ weeks?
Would you be allowing that or would you find 'reasons' to deny permission?

PP saying would it be ok if the Ex took them for the same amount of time. - It really isn’t the same situation, a non-resident parent who only sees the children for 4 days in a month (assuming EOW) taking them on holiday from the parent who looks after them the other 24. So of course she probably wouldn’t feel that it was ok.

I would try and appease ex by offering longer periods of time at another part of the year if they are able to get time off work.

I think its fine if you would be happy for him to do the same. I personally would struggle not seeing my DC for 4 weeks and so I wouldn't take them from their Dad for this long.

I thought legally you were allowed to take them abroad for up to 28 days without needing permission from the NRP?

Only if you have a residence order. Otherwise both parties with PR have to give permission for the children to leave the country

Why do your children not speak your language did you not speak to them in your language all the parents i know who are from different country s speak to there children in their own language , i have also lived in a Scandinavian country and english friends who spoke to their children in english and their husband spoke in his language and the children learn the language of the country at school

YANBU. It would be amazing for your kids. Can't you just go, and invite your ex to come in the middle for a long weekend?

Four weeks will fly by for all of you. I would take mine and I equally wouldn’t have a problem with my ex taking them for that long. Mine are 10+ years though so might make a difference to how I feel.

YANBU, a pp referenced service families...when I was 13 (1970s) I didn't see my Dad for 9 months, as he was at sea. Ds often went 6 weeks without seeing his Dad when dh was posted abroad. I presume the OP isn't proposing to keep the kids incommunicado for that time, and the phones work better now than they did when I was a kid.

I agree offer three weeks as a compromise

Could you offer him a couple of extra weekends with the kids before or after the visit so he's getting extra time with them as a compromise instead of going for 3 weeks?