To ask if you were bullied at school?

[LetsJustDance]

For three years a boy told me I looked like a man. It's affected me ever since I'll never feel pretty and feminine, and I hate that little turd for what he did / has done. He was only about 12 at the time but I hate him even as an adult. Does anyone else harbour hatred towards someone who hurt them as a child, years later?

Yeah was bullied at primary school and then at secondary and had to move schools. I was terribly quiet and lacking in self esteem.

@CigarsofthePharoahs this was my 80’s secondary school motto to my parents “but if you knew his home life Mrs Marscapone you’d understand”. Oh so that’s ok then, carry on pushing and shoving my daughter to the ground any chance you can get, no problem, after all your history makes your behaviour perfectly acceptable . The lad in question ended up in prison - no one including the school every gave him boundaries so he didn’t know any different than physically hurting people.

Was also ignored for the whole of year 10 and most of year 11 as my former best friend turned everyone against me. Sat on my own all breaks and lunches. Studied really hard to get the joint second best gcse results in the school (to be fair they were good but not excellent, the bar was pretty low). School appeared to be devastated I was leaving for a 6th form college and tried to talk me out of it, feck off I’m not spending a single second more here.

Ironically at the college I was instantly in the popular group and several of the school kids then wanted to join my group on nights out. Nope, not going there either. It gave me great satisfaction when I ran into one of them in town, to say I didn’t have time to bother giving any thought to the proposal of babysitting school children in nightclubs

I was in a friendship group of 5 girls, and for a year, 2 of them sent me to Coventry over a very trivial issue. The others acted as normal, but it was excruciating for that year. I had sleepless nights, dreaded going into school and ended up taking an overdose.

I don’t know if it is technically bullying, but it was only 25 years later when my teen DS pointed out that the others who let this happen weren’t real friends either, that I realised this. I’m still FB “friends” with all 4 of them and sometimes tempted to let them know how it affected me.

@Jsmith99 same here. My desire to get top grades and succeed in a business role were considered snobbish and selfish because apparently I “was not empathetic and considerate to the needs of those less capable than me”. Basically code for “finish the basic work and then help everyone else in the class”. My mother asked if I could do gcse maths a year early and the head of year nearly choked “oh no mrs marscapone we couldn’t possibly condone anyone moving ahead in this way, the whole year must do the exams at the same time”

Gotta live an 80’s comprehensive education

Yes I was. In junior school and secondary. I was also bullied by my brother. He is older than me. My mother allowed it to happen. My father was a workaholic and had no idea. I had no sanctuary.

I was bullied too. I moved house in the middle of juniors and was never really accepted. Most of that class went to the same senior school & it continued. I had to sit with boys in form as none of the girls would sit near me. Lunchtimes were horrific as I'd be alone wishing I'd melt into the floor.
We used to live next door to a park where gangs of the girls would hang out all summer. I'd look out of the window wishing they'd accept me.

As an adult I think nobody likes me & it's left me with shocking low self esteem. It's shit, really shit!

Yep bullied all the way through both primary and secondary school
Teachers where useless
My parents worse than the teachers
It affects me even now
But I’m tougher for it
I will always stand up for the underdog
(My son making friends with one of the bullies son was hard-she wanted to be besties-I wanted nothing to do with her-her son was always welcome tho-he’d done nothing wrong)

The hardest part is picking yourself up and working out of that situation

I have learnt a method of reliving some of my best moments in my head which breaks the memory or train of thought

Yes at a private all-girls secondary school. The ring-leader was awful and most people hated her. Nobody has heard anything about her since we all let in the mid 1980s.

Worse than her was the inept English teacher who had it in for me. She belittled me in front of the class and was utterly dismissive of anything I did because I didn't go to the prep school and my parents didn't have degrees. Karma got her because she left soon after and several years later, with good O & A levels and a decent degree under my belt, I was playing in a show in the orchestra (for which I earned decent dosh in addition to my day job). She was in the audience. She tried to speak to me after the show saying "Do you remember me, I taught English to you?" My response was: "Yes. You were a shit teacher and a bully. I'm now a teacher and I can assure you that no matter how poorly any of my students do, I'll never stoop to your depths." My brilliant band mate then dragged me to the bar, leaving her open-mouthed. I went to a school reunion last year and told her again what a shit she was. However, I was rather wasting my time as she now has some kind of dementia. Karma - I love it!

From age 9 i had boys telling me they knew i was giving out bj's to men, it was relentless, even making a cut out that could move just to reinforce it.. they eventually got bored. And no i never told anyone it was to embarrassing.

Senior school i was plagued different people each time. Couldnt care less now. Used my experience to help my daughter to has been bullied schools are still useless at dealing with it.

Yes, horribly bullied at high school pretty much all the way through by the same person and her little henchmen. It affected my self esteem for years and I still struggle with friendships.
Funnily enough the ring leader sent me a request friend last week. I’m half intriguiged to see if she has turned into a nicer, well rounded person or if she’s still the vile bully she was then.

I was bullied for.the majority of my school life (primary and secondary). My primary school bully has a child at the same school as my daughter, different school years. I have had to walk past her every day at school pick up (hopefully not next year). Its made school runs awful for my daughters reception year as I feel sick to my stomach at the sight of bully, I have no idea if she recognises me as there have been no issues, but the mere sight of her reduces me back to the shy 7 year old.
If I saw my secondary school bullies I'd probably feel the same.
My dad assures me it's a perfectly normal reaction to someone who caused so much trauma in my life. I just remind myself of how much I've managed to accomplish in life despite that. Although i do blame the years of abuse for the fact that I have trouble trusting people and still have no friends even as an adult.

I was and it caused me to self harm and come close to ending my life. I will never get over what she did to me. She sent me a friend request a few years ago on fb and I accepted it so I could tell her how I felt and tell her that she stopped me being who I should have been and my children didn't get the mother they should have because she nearly destroyed me and fundamentally changed the way I thought about myself. She didn't apologise but said I should have found god and learned to forgive. I told her to rot in hell and blocked her. Cunt

Yes, I was bullied but not by a pupil, the headmistress made my life hell for three years. It was only years later I actually recognised it as bullying on her part. She made life very hard for me with her lies and spitefulness, how I wish that I had spoken up and told my mum what was actually going on.

Yep - I wore glasses, was from the posh bit of the local area, bit of a swot and just generally quirky and badly coordinated (one of my kids has a dyspraxia diagnosis and I'm fairly sure I'm undiagnosed myself).

Was physically assaulted (came home with my face covered in blood from the school bus several times), verbally harassed whenever I left the house (had 15 kids follow me home throwing things at me once), chased around school as "you have to see this little freak - she's dead odd" and just generally excluded and name called (last couple of issues had less of an impact than the physical stuff to be fair).

My mum told me I had to learn to fight my own battles and would never go to school and tell them what was going on (she intervened after one of the numerous bus assaults)... in her version of events now I "never told her what was happening" which is bullshit - and when I told school the nuns told me that "the suffering would bring me closer to Jesus."

DD2's starting to be bullied on a low level because of her SN and I'm shit hot in referring it to school - the cycle is NOT going to repeat itself.

The kids who bullied me - couple are in jail, one is dead crashing a stolen car, most of the others have never left the home town and never will - doesn't make the past any easier but you have to leave the past behind you or they win.

Yes I had really bad eczema and am adopted he found this out and used to see I was a scaby bastard ,I meet him one night when he was out drinking and he kicked my hand so hard he almost broke my hand ,every now and then I look too see if he is on Facebook cause I honestly think I would put up a post ,I see his younger brother walking about and feel like grabbing him and telling him how much I fuckin hate his brother (am now in my mid forties)

I was bullied badly at an all girls school in my first year of secondary, 3 girls but one particulary evil ringleader. It was reported but because all her sisters went to the same (private) school and her dad was apparently well known for some reason it was all brushed under the carpet.....I left after this lack of action... still loathe her to this day, I dont ever waste time thinking about her (this thread has reminded me) but I literally hate her we were from a small town and I have moved away as has she presumably so doubt our paths will ever cross again!!

Yes, I'm male and was a tall streak of piss in highschool so was mostly physically bullied by the tougher guys. I just hope my children don't have to endure it and any hint of it happening to them i will be all over it

I was bullied all the time at primary but I let it go from my mind.

n fact, now I think about it I feel sorry for the girl who bullied me. She obviously had big issues. I wonder how she's doing now

Very wise . The girl that bullied me was in foster care . Still hate the bitch but I salute your zen and wise attitude and wish I could adopt it !

@TreasuresofTheSoul your victims will probably never forget you till their dying day. I don't say that to be cruel, but it's true - ask anyone who has been bullied.

It's all very well to scoff that it was a long time ago, and that you were young, but so were they - you don't get to escape culpability because you too were young.

I wasn't so much bullied as excluded in primary school. Nobody wanted to be my friend and I never really understood why. It was probably because I was the 'weird' kid in comparison to the rest of the class: I was well behaved and they weren't. There were two classes in my year group, and my DM begged the HT every year to move me to the other one (they were more like me) but she always refused. So I had to stay in that class for 7 long years. Only one teacher seemed to care, when she was doing seating plans she took me to one side and asked me if I got along with X or Y. When I said no, she promised not to sit me near them, and she didn't. I still had to sit next to someone who didn't like me very much, but at least it wasn't one of the worst ones.

For a couple of years I did have 2 'best friends' who clearly preferred each other (their DMs were friends), but we played together. But if we had to pair up then I would always be the one left out. In Y3 one of them left to go to a private school, and I was so happy because I thought I might actually have a chance... and then at the start of Y4 the other girl left to go to the same school. My family couldn't have afforded to send me there, so I was alone again.

I also had thick, curly, short hair until Y5. One of the boys in my class started calling me 'Fluffy', and I hated it. My twat of a father said he thought it was 'quite sweet'. Dick. I'll never ever have short hair again beause of that.

In high school I made my own friends and managed to ignore most of the people who made me feel so small and insignificant from the age of 4. My self esteem has never, ever recovered.

I have a DD and a DS now, and it terrifies the life out of me that they might have to go through the isolation I felt, or the physical/verbal bullying that so many others have suffered. DD is going into Y1 in September and DS is only 1, so there's a long road ahead. So far, so good.

HavelockVetinari

I was not scoffing .

I also never said I bullied anyone .

If you read my post , it said I had my fair share of name calling and nastiness . I also said I was not bullied .

I also said I dished out some unkindness in a rebellious stage .

There is a difference between teenage dramas and the odd unkindness to bullying.

Please don’t make assumptions . Some of the stories on this thread are heartbreaking and amount to very real malicious bullying .

Others have self reported they weren’t bullied, but had been on the end of unkindness - that is what I was referring to .

Luckily I wouldn’t say I was actually bullied but as someone with good grades etc. I was often called a ‘boffin’ by the ‘smoking behind the bikesheds’ types!

That said I remember in year 7 a guy in my class seemed to suddenly take an absolute vile dislike to me - and no not in a ‘he fancies you really’ way, he literally used to say the most horrible things to me about my appearance, skin etc (it wasn’t even that bad as teenage skin goes!). I just remember being totally baffled why he hated me so much and I used to be scared to be anywhere near him at school, break times etc. as I would worry what he’d say or do next. I really don’t know what I had done other than he well behaved and clever. I think if I saw him now I’d probably feel nervous still!!

And as far as I know that guy pretty much amounted to nothing and was in trouble with the law at some points - so a really great guy all round...!