To rehome my cat- postnatal ocd

[Shazafied]

I’m really struggling with the exhaustion of being a mum to a 3 mo and 19mo as well as, what I now realise, is a form of pnd/postnatal ocd.

I won’t write war and peace but will try not to drip feed either. DD2 and I had an extremely close shave during her birth , acute placental Abruption and hemorrhage in birthing pool , cat1 section very scary indeed, thought we were both going to die and had long recovery. Have always suffered from anxiety but never the checking behaviour of ocd.

Have been plagued with fears that my children will come to harm / die since DD2 birth. Only get around 2-3 hrs sleep per night , and tiredness makes it worse .

One of my triggers is the cat - please don’t tell me i am being silly I am in tears writing this . There are other triggers such as worrying that the house will burn down and getting out of bed repeatedly to check oven off etc.

We have a large black harmless Tom cat , he is scared of is own shadow so I feel guilty even thinking this. But I’m terrified he will try and sleep on one of the babies and kill them. I have found him asleep during the day twice in the babies cot when my husband left the door open and I think this has triggered it.

I get up countless times all night long and check that the cat is not in the bedroom , that the door is shut, i take multiple photos of the door to prove to myself that it is shut. The baby very nearly slept through last night and I am shattered as I had one hour of sleep from checking the door etc. once i am satisfied Te door is shut (4am this morning) I am too scared to leave the bedroom, even to go to the toilet , in case he gets in. I often lie awake and watch the baby breathing , even though I am so so incredibly tired . I know this sounds mad.

The ocd (I think it’s ocd) has other forms as well but all are related to my babies being harmed or killed.

I have spoken to gp and health visitor and am due a visit from mental health team but not for a couple more weeks.

It’s hard enough having 2u2 without dealing with this too. I have no family around to help. I need to get to grips with this and I think re-homing the cat would help as it would be a removal of a major trigger . But a very sad shame - I do love my cat and , to a sane person, he really isn’t a threat.

Does anyone have any experience of this ? I am too tired to think straight most of the time so it’s a vicious cycle.

I was going to take my toddler to the beach today but am scared to drive as am so tired so the poor thing yet again will lose out. My issues are really taking their toll on everything and everyone.

Thanks for reading.

That sounds so difficult. I think that if you rehome the cat, something will take its place for you to worry about.

@Lougle I agree.
It’s not the cat, it’s your mental health.

Poor you! You sound very sleep deprived. Is there no way of shutting the cat downstairs at night? In the kitchen or something? Or could you find a temporary home for the cat until you feel better? Juggling a cat and a baby is quite hard work- I do remember being super vigilant over the baby/cat combination. I know someone who rehomed her dogs when she had babies, if it makes you feel any better, as she just couldn’t deal with them all.
I’m glad you are getting some help soon.

I agree with PP. This isn't about the cat. And I speak as someone with experience of OCD and post natal anxiety. Can you put the cat out at night? Can you contain him in a room downstairs so you don't have to worry about the bedroom door so much?

You have my true sympathy but you need to face up to these intrusive thoughts not give in to them. Easier said than done, I know.

I can understand how you are feeling. My ds is not a baby but I still have a fear of my cat sitting on my ds' face when he is sleeping. Every night I close the ds' bedroom door and put a large bean bag Infront of it so the cat can't scratch at the door and push it open if it was not closed tight. It does keep my cat away from the door.

Do you have one of those camera baby monitors. Would that help?

I understand why you are thinking of rehoming your cat. You need to do what is best for you and your family and also the cat.

So sorry you're going through this, but as pp has said it's not the cat that's the problem - it's your mental health. If you get rid of the cat you'll spend all night in front of the oven, or checking the smoke alarm.

In the short term while you work on your health, is there someone who can take the cat for a couple of months?

Please go and speak to your Dr. I agree with pp that if you re home the cat another worry will take its place.

I agree that if you rehome the cat, something else will take its place

It’s better to deal with the demon you know than the devil you don’t

Make sure the cat is shut downstairs when you go to bed.

Then please make an appointment with your GP and discuss these issues.

They will help.

I also think something would replace the cat as a source of anxiety but as a practical point do you have cat nets to put over the cot etc?

for you, this must all be incredibly hard.

You poor thing - i totally understand. I had PND also and my thoughts were disturbing and very skewed.

Please don't rehome your cat. He will actually be fine if you do, to be fair as cats are pretty resillient and so long as they have staff loving owners to feed them they are happhappy. But you will regret it and I promise you, once that anxiety is removed you'll find something else to obsess over. ( i speak from bitter experience).

You are actually right to have a level of concern re the cat and baby but that should be about things like worms and general.hygeine not about the cat smothering the baby. So you can easily deal with this - ensure your cat is up to date with flea and work treatments. That is taking back control of your anxiety and taking steps to be in control.

Then you must become a squeaky wheel at the Drs and with your HV. Don't be robbed of this precious time. A couple of weeks isnt good enough. Insist on an emergency assesment. Don't play it down either, cry, rant do whatever it takes to get help - you don't have to feel like this.

You have my full sympathy OP as I struggled with horrendous OCD after having my little girl. Mine also manifested as believing she would die if I didn't check her constantly. Absolutely awful, to feel at war with your own mind. Please talk to your GP or midwife. I didn't. My little girl is 3 now and it hasn't completely gone away, I get up 2 or 3 times in the night to check her.
Really hope you have good support around you

I see others point about something else replacing the cat to cause anxiety and I think this could happen.
But I would rehome the cat. It will give you a feeling of control potentially and is one less thing to worry about.

I dont have any diagnoses ocd or young children but I do have some ocd like tendencies and I think it’s very likely that re homing the cat will just mean you become obsessive about something else. Is there a possibility of confining the cat to a certain room over night? I believe there are also net things you can get which prevent the cat getting into the bassinet with the baby. Assuming that you normally really love the cat I think you may regret getting rid of him when your mental health is in a better place.

I did this not as extreme but was sooo worried about the baby couldn't sleep even when baby was sleeping. I had cbt and it really did help plus time to get over everything that happened. If you did rehome him when your better you may regret it a lot. Mabye give it some more time if you can handle it?

It's your mental health, you need to get help ASAP. It's not the cats fault, please don't rehome him.

I’ve had this. It’s not the cat.

If you rehome I think you’ll regret it enormously down the line.

But this still needs to be resolved right now. Fostering would surely be the best solution. Even if only for a week or two just to give you some space

Can you either:

Get a cat loving friend to take the cat in temporarily

Contact a local cat charity see if they have a list of fosterers

Book the cat into a cattery for a couple of weeks just to give you chance to think

Thank you everybody. I had not considered a temporary break from the cat. The problem is he is a very scaredy-cat. I got him from a shelter five years ago and he has come on weeks and friends but he hid for four months when I first got him. He is still quite nervous and I don’t know what a change of house would do to him. And yes, I know it’s not his fault. I feel incredibly guilty about this as well as 1000 other things at the moment.

I know it’s my mental health and not the cat, I have been to the doctors and I’m waiting to see the perinatal mental health team. Thanks for all your responses so far, sorry to be brief in my response but I’m Feeding the baby

Weeks and friends = leaps and bounds. Audio transcription error

Oh, and other practical steps would be

Bring the baby back in with you at night. You can reassure yourself hat You’d wake if you heard the cat jump up. Which might allow you to sleep.

Put the cat outside at night. It’s warm at the minute, the cat will be fine. In fact all outs prefer being out. We call them in and lock the catflap, and the damn things jump out of the (upstairs) window on to the neighbours flat roof.

We have a bed in a little playhouse the cats use to sleep in when they inevitably get accidentally locked out, if you don’t have a shed they can use then you can make a cat shelter from an old coolbox.

Hope you feel better soon OP. you CAN get through this.

My preferred option would be able to keep the cat and cope - but I suspect I’m reaching crisis point

I should have said that the baby is with me at the moment. My husband is sleeping in the spare room and gets up with the toddler most days

But it’s not just about the cat, there are other triggers

Why don’t you try getting one of those hinges that automatically shuts the door as most of your worries seem to revolve around the door being left open and the cat getting in.

You should also post under mental health. Yes, you’re having a mental health crisis you poor thing.

I don’t see the harm in rehoming the cat as it is one less thing to take care of, but I agree that you need to tackle the real issues. I struggled with my pets since having children as it is a lot more work, more mess. Once the baby stage is over you then have a child trying to pull the cat’s tail, paw, picking them up, dressing them up etc.

My children love my cats and dog - over 5 it’s a lovely relationship but until they are sensible it is a source of extra worry.

But again, you need urgent help, best not to make a long term decision in a crisis.

This sounds really awful.

I too think that another worry will take it's place without the cat.

What able putting a cat net over the cot as an extra level of reassurance that the baby is safe?