To rehome my cat- postnatal ocd

[Shazafied]

I’m really struggling with the exhaustion of being a mum to a 3 mo and 19mo as well as, what I now realise, is a form of pnd/postnatal ocd.

I won’t write war and peace but will try not to drip feed either. DD2 and I had an extremely close shave during her birth , acute placental Abruption and hemorrhage in birthing pool , cat1 section very scary indeed, thought we were both going to die and had long recovery. Have always suffered from anxiety but never the checking behaviour of ocd.

Have been plagued with fears that my children will come to harm / die since DD2 birth. Only get around 2-3 hrs sleep per night , and tiredness makes it worse .

One of my triggers is the cat - please don’t tell me i am being silly I am in tears writing this . There are other triggers such as worrying that the house will burn down and getting out of bed repeatedly to check oven off etc.

We have a large black harmless Tom cat , he is scared of is own shadow so I feel guilty even thinking this. But I’m terrified he will try and sleep on one of the babies and kill them. I have found him asleep during the day twice in the babies cot when my husband left the door open and I think this has triggered it.

I get up countless times all night long and check that the cat is not in the bedroom , that the door is shut, i take multiple photos of the door to prove to myself that it is shut. The baby very nearly slept through last night and I am shattered as I had one hour of sleep from checking the door etc. once i am satisfied Te door is shut (4am this morning) I am too scared to leave the bedroom, even to go to the toilet , in case he gets in. I often lie awake and watch the baby breathing , even though I am so so incredibly tired . I know this sounds mad.

The ocd (I think it’s ocd) has other forms as well but all are related to my babies being harmed or killed.

I have spoken to gp and health visitor and am due a visit from mental health team but not for a couple more weeks.

It’s hard enough having 2u2 without dealing with this too. I have no family around to help. I need to get to grips with this and I think re-homing the cat would help as it would be a removal of a major trigger . But a very sad shame - I do love my cat and , to a sane person, he really isn’t a threat.

Does anyone have any experience of this ? I am too tired to think straight most of the time so it’s a vicious cycle.

I was going to take my toddler to the beach today but am scared to drive as am so tired so the poor thing yet again will lose out. My issues are really taking their toll on everything and everyone.

Thanks for reading.

I have OCD and am currently in 'remission' from obsessions - revoking the cat won't help you, something else will take its plahe in your obsessions. The only way to overcome an OCD fear is to challenge it. Do all the things you're afraid of. Don't check the door. You have to live with the anxiety that it might be open. Eventually if you do this the fear will have less power over you.

I just wanted to post to say that I understand what you're going through,OP. A few years ago I had dc3 and ended up having to go into a mother and baby unit with severe pnd, anxiety and horrific intrusive thoughts (constantly felt terrified I'd throw dc3 across the room).

When we came out after many weeks, I was convinced I couldn't cope. I was so unwell i actually asked the mental health team to take my dc1 and dc2 into foster care. Dh quickly dismissed this. Anyway, the dog had to go to a family member as I just couldn't cope. I'm recovered now and dog has been with this family member for several years. V settled and happy.

I only explain this to say that you're not alone and that things will improve. I don't have the answer about your cat. I'm sorry. But don't be too hard on yourself. We all have our limits and sometimes we have to make decisions that are less than ideal x

Op,

What about something like this to lessen the anxiety?

So what do you think will happen if you get rid of the cat? Do you think your MH issues and OCD will disappear?

It won't. All that will happen is you will transfer your fears and OCD onto the next object/ concern and it will increase each and every time you get rid of what you think the issue is.

I was like that. I got the hat, t shirt and mug but in my case I was young and I started to think things would kill my mum. I started hiding things in the shed that I thought would hurt her.

I would touch the ball on the stair banister a certain number of times before I went to school so my mum wouldn't die.. started at at 5, then 10 , then 20 then 100 then up 30 mins early so I could touch it for 30 mins each day.....

Then dad sawed it off to try and stop me.. so I transferred it to the front door knob......

Only thing that helped was a trip to my amazing doctors who helped me with medication and coping mechanisms (this was about 30 years ago so the MH help was seriously limited and more harmful than helpful and my Drs understood this).

Cat gone? Great, it won't kill my children.

Lets go to the park... no... other people and children or dogs could hurt my children

Stay at home, its safe here....

Wait, hot drinks can hurt my child. So hots drinks EVER and get rid of the kettle....
Gas is dangerous..... never use the boiler/ cooker/ hob again.
No baths as water is dangerous
Husband can't drive in case he gets in an accident
Husband might hurt DD2 by accident.. maybe DH should go...
What if older child hurts baby when I'm not there? .... maybe DD1 should go....

Down down down the rabbit hole we go

So getting rid of the cat at this time will not help you in the slightest I'm afraid.

Plus when you start to feel better (and you will!!! Trust me, you WILL feel better!!) all that will happen is you will feel like an absolute shit for giving him away which may set you back with your recovery.

You have recognized the problem and you ARE getting help.... this is brilliant. They will help you but you need to concentrate on this help you will be getting and knowing what you are feeling is wrong (which you do) and can be fixed.

There are no "quick fixes" for this I'm afraid until they can start your treatment.

Also, if you are breast feeding and you need to take meds which means you will have to stop BF, PLEASE STOP BF. please xxx

Your MH is more important. YOU are more important. You need to get well for your sake and your families sake.

and hugs xxxx

And remember OP, this is not who you are, its your OCD.
There was a time when you didn't have thoughts and obsessions like this. You can and will get back to that sate of mind.
The mantra I used when I was having a bad episode was.
It's not me, it's my OCD.
So when irrational, intrusive thoughts or triggers popped into my head, I would reassure myself with that saying.

The harder you try and ignore the thoughts the louder they become. So I just let them be there, recognising them for the absolute nonsense they are, and not reacting to them. Even if it's just one tigger you don't react to, that's a great start.
I know this is so easier said than done, but it's what started me back on the road to good mental health again.
And being free from OCD
So many great tips and stories from others on here who have come through this.
We are all with you xxx

Oh OP I really feel for you. I’ve suffered from anxiety and intrusive thoughts and it is hell.

I had 3 cats and 4 DC and I never worried about the cats and the babies together. My worries came from other things, I thought I was going to kill my DC in a car by driving. I also used to wake 20 times a night to check on them.

I did get help and take anti-depressants and it’s a lot better now they are older. I agree it’s not the cat and if you got rid of the cat it would just transfer to something else.

*just to add here's a link to the type of door alarms, www.ie.screwfix.com/swann-9b2939.html?utm_source=Google&utm_medium=CPC&utm_campaign=Shopping&gclsrc=aw.ds&&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI7enDsuTX4wIVCLTtCh1oKwJaEAQYBCABEgIRPPD_BwE.
You can fit them yourself in 1 minute.
Don't let OCD win and trick you into believing you need to give away your puss.

You can self refer to primary care and get fast tracked for CBT. Google iapt service near me.

Also, I was prescribed two antids (Sertraline and Mirtazapine) which were particularly good for anxiety

I don't know whether it would solve the problem, but if you really feel you need to rehome the cat, then rehome your cat. Your mental health is more important.

I would like to thank all of you for your help and advice... it means a lot and all of these comments are very constructive.

Ultimately I do not want to rehome the cat but if things don’t improve I will consider temporary rehoming to a quiet foster home. The baby is in a next2me crib. Until today this was three sided and attached to the bed, but I think I’ll feel slightly easier having pulled the fourth side up and moved it away from my bed slightly. In my ocd mind The cat is more likely to jump onto my low bed and straight into a cot than a Higher up four sided cot.

I will also try a cat net and the door alarm if things don’t improve. I am open to antidepressants if there are particular ones that target anxiety and OCD, and I hope that I get CBT as well. It has been great to hear from those of you who have had similar experiences.

My other triggers include the baby monitor for my toddler-I will check the volume and that the red light is on 20 to 30 times before I can go to sleep . I’ve already mentioned the oven... One previous poster mentioned that she has a list and so do I, I checked all the doors and windows are locked , wires And glassware etc are inaccessible to toddler for when I come down in the morning. There is quite a list and it is exhausting. Also scared to drive with them both in the car most of the time in case I’m so tired that I crash. Perhaps that’s a sensible one though.

I really really hope I have a better night tonight. I will try and resist checking but those of you who have suffered with this know how impossible that can be.

The other nice thing is that now the next to me crib is away from my bed I will be able to sleep under a normal Duvet. Another thing that I have struggled with his anxiety that my pillow or blanket will go over the babies face so I have been sleeping in a sleeping bag with no cable for 12 weeks. And even then I have to make sure the sleeping bag is tight around the side that the baby is on in case somehow the Fabric goes near the babies face!

No cable = no pillow

@Twinkletoenails Can I ask about your experience with those drugs? Did they help? Did the dumb down all of your emotions? I hope you don’t mind me asking.

((((Hug))))

Could you swap with DH for a few nights? Put him & the baby to bed, check where the cat is then shut the bedroom door & leave them to it (express some milk if you’re bf)??

I wouldn’t shut the car out at night, it wouldn’t help your MH if it got killed by foxes etc.

Could you & the baby spend next weekend at family/friends who don’t have pets? Or all of you go away fir the weekend?

It’s not a long term solution, obviously, but getting some sleep is crucial

Would the cat cope being shut in the bathroom with a litter tray if there’s nowhere else to put him?

I really feel for you & I hope you can get some meds to balance those imbalances out soon so you can enjoy your life. In the meantime take up ANY offers of help or ASK people to help. Most people want to help, but don’t know what to do to help- so tell them!

Be kind to yourself 🌷

OP I can empathise with this I had terrible anxiety in pregnancy and postnatally and it was very obsessive in nature. I think PP are right in saying that if you rehome the cat there will be other triggers which will feel just as scary and real as the anxiety you’re feeling now. You can always go back to see your gp while you are waiting to see someone from the mh team. I found distraction really helpful and also being outdoors. Trying things like mindfulness may help too

I was a bit this way when I had DS although I have a elderly lazy Staffy rather than a cat. I was completely convinced he would suddenly attack the baby (despite never showing a moment of aggression to anyone or anything the whole time we've had him)

I took medication, it saved my sanity. Most of the SSRIs are good for anxiety/OCD. Request an emergency GP appointment tomorrow

Don't get rid of your cat, I think you'd regret it once you start seeing more clearly

Hi,

I had awful post natal anxiety and my doctor prescribed sertraline, it's really helped. I also see a counsellor to talk about my traumatic birth and my baby being ill when she was born. Hope you get some help and feel better soon.

Hi OP. No prob to talk about it at all. Any positive emotions had already been wiped out by day 2 after dc3 was born so hard to tell how much the drugs affected that. Can only say that the meds helped massively. No terrible side effects either. I think Sertraline would generally be a first choice for ocd/anxiety/ptsd symptoms

I will speak to the gp about sertraline . How does it help exactly? Do you just worry less? Do you just check something once then my have the gnawing anxiety afterwards? Or is the worry still there but muted ? Genuinely fascinated as to how it helps ocd symptoms , and thank you

I would say that after roughly two weeks you realise that the worry seems less intense. It's like you've forgotten to obsess over something quite as much. More laid back. I'd say definitely after 3 weeks you'll be feeling even better than 2 weeks. And 4 weeks more so... I'm not sure how this happens though x

Thank you. I would love to forget to obsess about things (and just fall asleep like a normal person). X

It can take up to 8 weeks to feel the full affect I think

@Shazafied

I'm currently on Sertraline (100mg).

I had a breakdown last year due to work pressures and ended up having 1-2 hours sleep a day, OCD came back BIG time and l thought some terrible world ending event was going to happen ALL the time.

It took about 3 weeks to kick in but now:
I can go outside!
I no longer freak out with MrBC going to work in case something happens and he can't ever get home.
I don't have full on panic attacks up to 15 times a day.
My brain no longer thinks the world is going to end.
I sleep, I actually sleep (it's delicious)
And the bastard OCD is back in the box.

It's like a balloon going down very slowly.... It's like all the problems start to get smaller and smaller and less stressy until you either ignore them or can think straight enough to tell them to bugger off.

Ahhh OP. I had a really tough time with postnatal anxiety, intrusive thoughts and OCD. Mine were actually that I would lose my mind and hurt my baby.... effectively I was obsessing over the thought that I had undiagnosed postpartum psychosis.

I didn’t.

I did however, read a brilliant book called something like “dropping the baby and other scary thoughts” which is a self help book about post partum anxiety and intrusive thoughts.

And I’m 2 years into psychotherapy. Turns
out I had an awful lot of my own trauma from a very messy childhood, and this manifested when my son was born.

It’ll get better- i promise. Medication is one solution. Therapy is another.

I found also that things got easier when I stopped breastfeeding (DS was 2 when I stopped)- but I think that it was because I got more sleep, rather than hormonal triggers. Sleep is definitely an enormous factor. If I have a rough few nights even now, incidence of intrusive thoughts goes through the roof.

Be kind to yourself. You’ll get there.